How To Become a Better Communicator: Alan Samuel Cohen - Coach and Speaker

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. And now, Sebastian Frost. Alan, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me, buddy. Hey, thanks for being here. Thanks for uh taking some time out of your day to hang up with us here on the Beyond the Story podcast. Uh I love telling people stories on this show. It's a great podcasting in general is a great way to build new relationships. You and I uh actually met via a Facebook, a local Facebook group here in Miami, and you were looking to do some networking. And I had extended an invitation to come check out our BI chapter, as luck would have it. Um, you were already familiar with B I and uh fit right into our culture of our crazy group of professionals that uh that that we get to hang out with every Thursday morning. So um the the power of social media, both good, bad, and indifferent, right? Yeah, this was a good use. Yeah, absolutely. So you and I were talking right before the interview. It's speaking of B and I, you had uh given a presentation uh a couple weeks back uh at our chapter. It was your turnaround to to uh to to do that. And you did a great job of really unpacking your story, what really brought you to present day. So I thought it'd be a good idea for us to maybe re- uh redo that conversation uh here here on the show, uh, just to help people better understand, you know, how you really found your place in the world and what you wanted to be doing and what you're passionate about and what you continue to do. So, for context, let's back up a little bit to the beginning of the story. The the the puppet show, if you will.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

The puppet show, the puppet show. And I want to tell you that I just got off the phone with my 94-year-old father. That's fantastic. Is is a great storyteller. And uh, and I guess he's right now going through this whole journey where he is trying to remember all of these stories from his past. I guess you know, he's just really present to that clock ticking. And so he's doing a lot of uh memory checks with us. Like, what do you remember about this event or that event? And I eventually said to him, Dad, that's brilliant, because I just did a presentation at my BNI group the other day, and I told a story, and I want to know what percentage of it is actually true. So he he gave me a 90% nine zero, which is pretty good. Uh, his memory is pretty sharp, so I will share the story. So I am six years old, and I am uh setting up a puppet show in the backyard of the house where I grew up on Staten Island, and I'm totally excited. Um, pulled out all the lawn chairs from the garage. I I've I've I am ready. And uh so now I've invited about 40 of our neighbors to this backyard puppet show, and we were new to the neighborhood. So many, many of them, my parents didn't even know. So we start the puppet show, and we've charged everyone a dollar, which I think is significant to the story. And my parents, the show starts, and my parents come to the backyard and they are both horrified and amused because what they're seeing now is 40 of their neighbors, most of whom they don't know, who've all been charged a dollar by their entrepreneur son, who is enacting family squabbles and family drama with puppets on the backyard steps. So I knew at that moment that I had a talent for communication, creativity, connection, uh, and did I say commerce? Commerce and uh and courage in the face of my parents. And these five things would be very much the foundation of the work that I do as a business communication and public speaking coach, and the things that I work with my clients to inspire in them. So, how to connect better, how to communicate better, how to bring creativity into anything that they're doing, how to monetize whatever they're doing, particularly public speaking, and how to uh be courageous every day because every day we suit up and show up. And it ain't always easy as somebody who's been an entrepreneur for over 20 years, um, with those early roots at age six, doing puppet shows and and uh exploiting my uh my neighbors and charging them. So uh so that's the skinny and the scoop. And uh as I said, my father gave me 90%, uh 90% accuracy on that story.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

So I won't tell you what the lie is, but so how did all that translate into the work that you started to do with helping people better improve their communication?

SPEAKER_00 4:59

So so prior to being a um a business and communication coach, I worked for 20 years in communications. I always had um, I guess I had public relations in my blood. It was the career that my father was in. Um he he was also a writer. And I always knew that I wanted to uh to do publicity, which is kind of weird, you know, when kids are growing up, it's like, what do you want to be? Pilot, uh, pilot, policeman, fireman. I wanted to be a publicist. I wanted to be a circus clown. I wasn't too far off from that, huh? I think that do you have the big shoes? Yeah, and the red nose. Red nose. Uh yeah, I think so often the are our the roots of our uh the roots are tell us what what direction we should follow. So yeah, I was a theater major in college, I was an English major. It's like I just wanted to be around entertainment and and so as a communications person, I had some great gigs. I actually was the the publicity director for the Harry Potter books that uh I was responsible for the team that did the publicity. Uh, and that was really my entree into coaching, professional coaching, because I I was less about the glamour of the brand and more about inspiring the team that was I was uh that was reporting to me. And then I moved into into HR and started coaching executives, got my my uh my accreditation as a coach, and and uh so I work in big big companies, small companies, uh often brought in to improve people's executive presence, uh, which is I know it seems like a buzzword now, but it's it's it's how they how they present, how they show up in front of any of their stakeholders. Sometimes I'm helping them craft a speech uh and and how to you know essentially perform their speech. And I love it. And I really, there's been a really nice through line in everything that I've done for the 40 years that I've been in business. Uh, it's always about communication and connection for me. Uh, I wrote two books on the subject. And uh, and I think that regardless of the field that you're in, the business that you're in, if you can't communicate and connect effectively and you can't bring uh the highest level of emotional intelligence to whatever you're doing, you're pretty much sunk. Um, you're you'll be lucky if you succeed. Uh, maybe you have people who work are working underneath you who have higher emotional intelligence and better communication who are out there front facing and doing your work, but still you've gotta you have to inspire and communicate well with everybody that you're working with, whether they're vendors, contractors, employees, colleagues, clients. And so that's my work. Um, I I love getting into companies, getting into businesses and helping them be more effective with their communication. And uh regard again, regardless, whether it's, you know, they're talking about needing to delegate better to their teams or uh manage conflict or whatever the issue is, it's always it, it's it always boils down to how well they're communicating and uh and both what they're saying to themselves and then what they're saying to other people, and how that's how that's translating.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

So and how do you think that communication affects people's ability to speak publicly? Because most, as you know, people are terrified of speaking publicly in front of a camera, in front of a microphone, well, whatever, whatever it may be. Is it a lack of communication skills or is that fear, or is that a little bit of both?

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Uh that's a great question. I we always talk about the Jerry Seinfeld. You know, he says if people had the the choice, they would rather die than than perform the eulogy. And and so fear of public speaking is is huge, and that's often what people show up uh uh show up with for me. The uh what I believe is it yes, it's a communication issue, but I also think again, it's sort of our inner voices that affects our confidence. And if we're focused, if we're so self-focused, we're we're just focused on ourselves, that's when that's why we are not confident, where we become so self-conscious, and really what we should be doing. And there are tips and tricks to get over the get over the fear of speaking. But at the end of the day, it's it's really uh how focused are we on our audience? How are we uh how if we're focused on them and making sure that we're communicating our message to them, that often takes a lot of the focus off of ourself. Uh and so good public speaking, it's basically I have to do anything that I can in my power to get my message across to you. Whether I have to bring use puppets or or cowbells or whisper or shout or or take my shirt off, it kind of doesn't matter. It's it's just about how do I get my message across to you. And uh, and I can even excuse the ums and the ahs and and all those little verbal ticks, but if I'm not speaking authentically, if the speaker isn't speaking authentically, it just reads as BS to people. And that's that's a connection killer. So this is with the work that I do both individually with people and and in groups, and uh, you know, helping people get less self-conscious about peop about speaking. It's that there's there's some actor tips there, right? But you've got to be thinking about what the audience is seeing, not not what you're thinking about the audience.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Yeah. So let's talk about some examples of of hacks that that people can use or techniques rather, hacks, whatever you want to call them, that people can utilize to really get themselves out of their shell a little bit and start communicating a little more effectively.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Sure. And um, let's say I'm on public speaking specifically. I think that's helpful. Although there are a lot of these things could translate to one-on-one interactions or whatever. But first of all, it's really focusing on the breath. I know we all talk about it, but they're actually that there's neuroscience that that speaks to the power of of breath. So deep breaths before you speak, uh, to just kind of manage those nerves, getting really grounded. Um, there's an exercise that I do where it's about it's about touching three things, smelling three things, listening to three things. What are the two other senses that I'm missing? Uh, it's it's still early for me. Uh, but it's so it's really about getting, you know, being present where you are, where your feet are. That's significant. And I think that for nerves, I think uh eating a banana is helpful. That's something very basic. I don't know why that works, but it does. And exercising, doing something before you speak, getting some of that energy out, some some jumping jacks or or something uh just to get the get the blood flowing. And don't let your speech be the first time you're speaking to people that day. So uh I like just sharing parts of my speech with people before I have to get on. So it starts feeling more conversational. And then just really thinking that about that one person that you're trying to get your message across to, just that one person in the audience. It should feel like a conversation. And I think that people start thinking when there's more than one person, they have to start performing it or doing something different.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

Yeah, that's really just coffee talk, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:19

It's just coffee talk, it's like just you and me talking across.

SPEAKER_01 12:21

Yeah. My my my mom I shot some videos with my mom. Uh, she's a health insurance agent, and uh every time we filmed a new video, she would like try and turn on a different version of herself, and that just doesn't line up. Uh right, right. And uh I tried to just you know explain that if you're just yourself, that's what's gonna show up the best versus I've gotta be, you know, I don't know who people try to pick.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

I am performing now. I am the TED Talk speaker, and I'm going to take some three, I'm gonna take three meaningful sips right here.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

And yeah, yeah, it's kind of like the old radio days. I don't know if you remember, uh gosh, there was a couple different DJs I can think of off the top of my mind. Tom Lykis was out in LA and uh a few other ones, but you know, they would they would always accentuate their their voice, you know, and in the radio world, they used to call that voice turbating, you know, where you're always some sort of inflection. I had a guy send me a message the other day and go, you know, Sebastian, if there's anything I can do to help you, and I'm thinking, gentlemen, get your dollar bills ready. Coming to the stage is destiny, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

And if you and if you present that way, it's fine if that's who you really are. And if you always speak that way, it's a little weird, right? But that's who you are. So I I did a TED talk, and and um, and it it's actually it's it's very performative, a TEDx. I mean, I'm it's kind of one man show. Uh it's and that's not and and people are like, that's you, like that is you, like you are always kind of on, and so it doesn't bother me that that people say, Oh, that's like your one-man show, because my life is like a one-man show. I'm kind of big and expressive, and that's just how I am. So, but the other thing, Sebastian, I wanted to say is that uh with my speakers, with people I'm training, what I do a lot of is practice with them what do you do when things go wrong. Now, sometimes I forget that advice myself, but it's it's like um like speaker freeze, right? So you also it's like suddenly you forget where you are in your speech, and you just stand there and you're frozen. And so I practice with speakers what to do when that happens, because it's going to happen. Something, something is usually gonna go wrong. And you have to prepare for that. So in that case, what people should do is they should just keep talking. It doesn't even matter what comes out of your mouth and keep moving, right? Because you're you're basically stalling for time. And so little tricks would be like, now let me just go over again what I just said, right? Or three points ago. I would just want to highlight so you just grab at whatever you can remember in that moment, and then meantime, the brain is actually working to try to find that thing that was coming up next that you froze on. And so that's a that has has saved me countless times because the worst thing that you can do is just stand there and not freeze.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Dead air, dead air on the stage is dead air. That is a situation that you'll find yourself in. Then the hole only continues to get deeper the more quiet you are.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Right. Well, I've never seen that happen to you. You are you are a man in motion, so it's it's good.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

I'd say you never feel it's a it's a work in progress, you know what I mean? There is, you know, there's there's been times that well, I guess I'm never at short of of something to say, but definitely getting uh caught as with a deer in the headlights um is not uncommon, but that is what differentiates the season pro from the novice just getting started or winging it or being able to, you know. My um I have a buddy of mine that's a entertainer slash MC and comedian, and he mainly does it for uh for conferences and he wrote a book um called um The Promise. And the promise is all about making a promise to the craft, making a promise to uh your audience, making a promise to your integrity on how you actually show up uh on stage. And I I never you know I never forgot that that that it was made it made so much sense when he explained it that way. And his entire book is is is about uh the entire process that he's been able to develop on here. But I thought, wow, as a speaker, um that that's something that that everyone should want to be committed to when when it comes to you know owning the craft, owning the craft.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Right. It's it's it's funny. I I I often play back speaking gigs in my mind of what I would have done differently. And I had one the other day, and a couple of things went wrong during the presentation, not of not completely of my um uh on me, but they happened. And what I probably could have done is is paused and let and and been transparent and let people know what was going wrong and how I was and how as a speaker you address it, right? So, you know, for me, it's like I was handed the wrong clicker, so my slides went up uh were uh uh uh didn't work. So so I could actually have stopped there and commented and said, as speakers, sometimes this happens. So what do you do? Right? You you know, you you sometimes may have to forfeit or forgo what you had planned, stand here in front of and and do the clicking yourself, right? Or mouth is dry, there's no water here. So I'm gonna pause right now because you don't want dry mouth when you speak, and I'm gonna go and get a pitcher of water unless somebody wants to pour it for me. Now I'm back, now I can focus, here we are. And so so so as speakers, some and especially as speaker trainers, you have an opportunity to train people on what to do in the moment. And uh so it was a missed opportunity, but now I know the next time when I screw up, I'm gonna stop the action, share what's going on with people, and make it a learning opportunity. So absolutely always be in the teaching mode.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

So uh you and the rest of the state of New York uh moved to Miami. Uh, how's that transition been from uh the the big apple now to uh the sixth borough we like to call Miami?

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah, I get asked that question every day. Such a juicy question. I uh it it's it the transition hasn't been nearly as hard as as I thought, get just because of the neighborhood where we're living is a little more like a little more like Manhattan than other parts of Florida. Uh we're building, I I think it'll feel more like home when we we build a a bigger network or better network, but BNI has been helpful already to kind of jumpstart that. And uh, but we love it. I mean, who who doesn't love 365 days of decent weather? Well, minus minus the month of August.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Uh it's all fun and games till the first hurricane comes.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yeah, that's true. That is true.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

But then again, you guys are not foreign to uh hurricanes.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Funny that you should say that, my friend. So that's another another talk for another day. But yes, I was actually in a house that was devastated in a hurricane 11, 11, 12 years ago in upstate New York. We were in the house and started flooding. I remember the subway flooded. It was a shit show. I definitely remember. It was a shit show. Well, so we left Manhattan to go upstate because we thought we were gonna get flooded in Manhattan, but we ended up getting flooded in upstate. My my my birthday present, our pool just completely floated away. We had to be rescued because we were those people that didn't want to leave. Like it was bad. It was it was so suddenly I have I'm a hurricane survivor as part of my identity.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Adding that to the resume, huh?

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Yeah, pretty crazy. But uh, yeah, no, I'm not scared of uh it it it does it does increase your empathy when you go through that because prior to that I would be like, what's the big deal? So it's a little rain, you know. But but now I'm like, I want to go out and help people with you know with buckets and help help get them out because we were in that situation. It's bad.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah, it uh it's it's not any uh it's not fun and games by by any stretch of the imagination. Well, Alan, dude, it's been good to have you on the show, man. It's great to have you in the B and our B and I chapter. You've been a great addition and asset to our chapter as we continue to grow here. And if you're listening to this podcast right now and you've got fear of public speaking, you've got a talk coming up that you've got to give, you've got to get trainings, you've got to give a B I presentation, whatever the case may be. Make sure you hit up Alan. I'll put his links in the uh show notes to connect with him on social media as well. Alan, any final thoughts for our listeners on becoming a better communicator?

SPEAKER_00 21:16

Wow, no, it's a it's that's a great, that's a great question. I would say uh it's all about storytelling. It's all about good storytelling and storytelling with a point. So I always encourage people, and you can start doing this right now, it's just create an Excel sheet and every day go in and just just think about what's one thing that happened today to you that would either make a great anecdote or a great story. And it could just be three sentences. And uh, because at some point you're gonna go back and you're like, that's the perfect story for this speech that I'm doing about making new friends like Sebastian Rusk. So I have my story for today already. Love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Thanks again for your time, Alan. Come back soon, will you? My pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Until next time, friends. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story Podcast. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. Signing off from the podcast, LaunchLab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.