Confessions of an Unhappy Housewife - Kirsten Smith

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. And now Sebastian Bro. Kirsten Smith, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Hey, thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

It's great to have you on the show. It's great to e-meet you. We're part of the same mastermind group, and this happens a lot. We watch and meet and connect with amazing human beings that we've never breathed the same air with. So I look forward to connecting with you at MDM and uh being able to meet you in hashtag real life. So you seem like you got quite the interesting story. I know you wrote a book called Confessions of an Unhappy Housewife. That my ears perked up. I was like, oh, I want to know that story. Plus, I wanted to meet you. Plus, I wanted to know how you guys created this incredible life that I see from afar on social media. And um yeah, so let's back up. Let's back up to the beginning of the story. I like to go um, you know, we go beyond the story here on this show, but part of that process is is is going back to the original starting point. Sometimes that's after high school, sometimes that's after college, but feel free to start wherever you think the best starting point is there, and then we can usher our way into present day.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Oh man. All right. We're just gonna just jump right in here. Yeah, we um gosh, I would say the behind the story for me, um, I was always used to being a high achiever. Always. That was just kind of in my nature. If I was gonna do something, I wanted to do it really well and I wanted to be the best at it. Um, so you know, I went to college. I actually went to college majoring in classical ballet, um, which is a little bit random. That did not last long.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Uh that kind of do you bust on any ballet as in lately?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Like, no, no, it's that is very much behind me now. Um, but I very quickly changed my major and ended up studying religion and political science. You know, it was a post-9-11 world. I was fascinated, like studying Islam and uh justifications for violence. Um, so I didn't know what I was gonna do with that. So then I graduated and I was like, oh shit, what now? I guess I'll go to grad school and like keep doing this because I don't know what else to do. Um, so then I finished my master's and then I was like, oh shit, what now? And then my now husband, the time we were dating, um, we came down here to Houston and I started working on a PhD at Rice University. So, you know, I I kind of figured out I'll go into academia. It'll work for like kind of family life, you know, we talked about getting married, having some kids at that point. Um, and I wanted something that was, you know, I could kind of excel and have my own path, but at the same time, like I could also be a mom and I could be present with my kids. I wasn't gonna have, you know, a really demanding job constantly pulling me away from my family. Well, in 2011, um, my husband is just very much naturally an entrepreneur, and he wanted to open a gym here in Houston. So we opened a gym and that kind of became his baby. 2012, I had our first baby. Okay. So, like we each had these brand new babies that were kind of, you know, in our own little area of operations. He's over here nurturing his baby, I'm over here kind of nurturing my baby. We're we're still crossing paths a little bit, you know. I'm helping with the gym. He's obviously, you know, involved at home. Um, and then things just kind of progress, right? Our relationship gets a little bit more strained, which happens when you have kids, right? Puts a whole different spin on things. And, you know, about every 18 to 22 months, we start adding another kid to the mix. And so now, you know, here we are four kids later, owned a business together. We have, you know, a bunch of real estate that we own and we work on together. And, you know, for the better part of a decade, I was kind of focused on the family and he was focused on business. And we both kind of stayed in our respective realms. We knew how to get a win in those areas, right? We knew how to pull the levers. He could go work in the business, pull the levers over there, and get a win, but he didn't know how to pull the levers at home to feel like he was winning. Um, so we really kind of drifted apart. And I got to a point where I just I got so bogged down in like the day-to-day mom life, I forgot to prioritize myself. So then he starts getting into the personal development space and he's coming home from his masterminds and things like that, saying, Hey, babe, let's set some goals. And I'm like, screw you. Like, I'm just trying to get through the day. I'm so underwater.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

Right. How about sleep? How about that particular one goal? Right. Yeah. How about a shower without being interrupted?

unknown 5:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Right. Being able to use the bathroom in peace, like without someone wanting to talk to me about, I don't know, some cartoon or something the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Or where's my crayon? Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Yeah, exactly. Um, so I just got really kind of caught up in my own pity party and I stopped growing, stopped growing for a really long time. And being able to kind of come out of that on the other side, have a stronger relationship now, be a little bit more present as a mom than I was back then, have my own things that I can kind of focus on. Um, you know, the ability to work with other people, impact people's lives around me, that has kind of given me direction again.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

And that was the shift behind where was the shift from from just miserable housewife to something's gotta change?

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Yeah, I think um, you know, in hindsight, I was pregnant with our fourth kid. So it's 2019, and I had felt for a long time like he had kind of quit, felt like he just gave up. And I'm stubborn. So I was like, I'm gonna drag this thing across the finish line one way or the other, right? Like I'm gonna keep just pouring into it. And I realized at that point that I had kind of given up. And to me, that was really scary because I realized if neither one of us is trying anymore, then we're not gonna stay married. And what does that mean for our family?

unknown 6:26

Right?

SPEAKER_02 6:27

If the marriage doesn't make it, the family's not gonna make it. Um and I think for a long time I thought it was supposed to be 50-50, right? And I was really resentful because I felt like he wasn't putting forth his 50%, and I was doing more than my 50%. But what I had missed was that it's supposed to be 100-100. And I wasn't taking care of myself, right? So like I'm pouring from this empty cup all the time, sure, giving to everybody else. And then he's coming home in the evening, and I'm like, please fill my cup for me. And then he didn't, and I'd be mad at him. But it wasn't, it wasn't his job to fill my cup, right? I was shirking the responsibility of like remembering who I was, knowing what I needed in order to be like happy, healthy, and whole. Yeah. And I was putting all of the responsibility for that, for my life, on him in a lot of different ways when it came to like health and fitness and goal setting and purpose and drive and determination. Like I thought this was all stuff that he was supposed to pour into me. And I was putting myself on the back burner all the time. So it was my responsibility. And so I think that, you know, I came to the realization that I couldn't control how he was showing up in our marriage at all. I didn't, I felt like I didn't like how he was showing up at the time, right? I was very disappointed with how life was was going. I was very much sort of your quintessential, unhappy housewife. Um, but I only had control over how I was showing up. And I had to kind of, you know, go deep, have some introspection, and realize that I had to, I had to change how I was showing up. I had to take care of me. I had to prioritize my goals. I had to relearn how to set goals again and work on them. And once I got my internal house in order, I was able to see ways that he was showing up for me that I couldn't see before.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

So, where was the communication in all of this? There was no talks after dinner or before bed or in the morning or any. There was no like, hey, this shit's not working, dude. Can we have a conversation?

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Oh, it was years of that.

unknown 8:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Years, years and years, same fight over and over again.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Right, right, right. Same argument. Right. Here we are again, folks. Right. Groundhog day.

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Yeah, like every fourth night, same argument, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:46

It's powerful though, to be able to get out of that. That's a vicious cycle. Oh, yes. I and again, I'm not, I I'm the the furthest from an example of marriage. I am, I tell people, I'm single as fuck. So uh, and I'm all right with it. I'm right with it. I arrived at a place where if she shows up and like my life is already like life is hard enough in general, right? To be able to just get one foot in front of the other and get to the day, one person party of one, right? We throw somebody else in the mix. You know, if I'm going to do like my life is already, I feel like my life is right here. It's gonna be right here once I get to wherever it is that I'm going. But it's right here. It's good. I have a good life. I'm healthy, I have people that love me and care about me. I'm a leader, I'm making an impact, I'm living in my passion, in my zone of genius, everything's incredible. So the only way that I'm going to entertain somebody else coming into the equation is if they're gonna come and complement that process and make it even better. And um, you know, Slim Pickens out there these days. So I've convinced myself that if the love of my life, the person, my person, shows up, great. And if she doesn't, great. And there's so much freedom there. I had somebody tell me somebody on the show a couple couple weeks ago. She's that she dates, uh, she dates men. She coaches men. And I was into I was, she's got a why great TikTok and content. And I'm like, I have and she was in Miami at the time. I'm like, I gotta get this girl on the podcast. So I got her in. I just asked her every question I've ever imagined about dating and relationships and the whole line on there. And she said, um, just focus on the desire. And I was like, what do you mean by that? And she said, What do you desire? And I just exactly what I just got done explaining. But at the same time, you know, my ideal person, I just, you know, I just know it when I when I see her, whenever she shows up, she goes, Great, just focus on that. That's the only thing that matters right now. Because she's gonna find you, whatever she's gonna find you, if she finds you, and if you want to accept her. So there's several different variables there. So I thought that was an interesting perspective. Anyway, I went a little bit off on a, on a, on a tangent there, but uh the the very fact that you guys were stuck in that in that vicious cycle, it's tough because our our desire to want to be right is so strong that even in in just life in general world, we think it, you know, how much is being right important? It like it starts wars, it creates chaos, it divides relationships, it it it it breaks them all up. It's very difficult. At some point in time, do people have to look at each other and say, listen, we gotta put our swords down for a second and just have a conversation. So I commend you guys for being able to arrive at that place and say, hey, listen, this is uh, you know, was there ever like a hey, you know, this is this is there's there's more here than just us. Like we gotta like we gotta save this and recreate this because there's more parties involved, like these little fuckers running around right here, right? It's like that whole it gives you that perspective uh too, and that's the beauty of children, is that we, you know, it allows us to recenter back to selflessness as much as we possibly can, you know? But uh keeps everything in perspective. It does. It 100% does. So once the arguing like stopped and you guys decided to make some some radical changes and take some massive action on here, was it like a full-blown everyday Tony Robbins event? You go, babe, I got you, yay, yay, hoorah. Or I mean, how does this whole, I mean, how does it how does that work? How does that happen?

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Oh, it's it's a work in progress. I mean, I had to get used to to communicating exactly what I needed. Um, and I had to get used to actually doing things for myself, right? So, perfect example, you know, here I am, four kids. Uh, your body's not the same after you've had four kids, right? Like I felt like I was just this like perpetually 20-pound chubby version of myself. Like I didn't feel like me and my skin, I didn't feel confident. Um, and I would always say, like, I want to get back in shape, right? And being a gym owner, I felt this intense pressure to look the part of someone who owns a gym. Yeah. Right. So as it turns out, I didn't realize this at the time. I was not taking any action on the things that I said mattered. I was just bitching about them. Right. Right. And then I was bitching about how he he wasn't creating the time for me. I'm watching these kids all the time so he can go work out, but like he's not creating the time and space for me. And what this meant to me, the story that I developed, was that he didn't care about my goals. Okay. The hard truth, the uncomfortable truth here was that I was asking him to prioritize things for me that I wasn't even prioritizing for myself. Right. Right. So like I had to get to the point where I was like, I'm gonna take 110% responsibility for this. Right. If I don't accomplish my goals, then I don't. But like I'm not relying on anybody else. So I hired a coach, like I had someone, you know, writing me programming, so I knew exactly what to do when I'd go to the gym. I found a gym that had childcare, not the gym that I owned. Like I actually paid to join another gym so that I could take my kids there and someone was guaranteed to watch them. I didn't have to get on anybody else's calendar to get out of the house. Right. Right. So I started doing things like that in my life. And two things happened. I think the first thing that happened was I started to remember who I was again because I started to actually build confidence and build trust because I wasn't just bitching about the things in my life I didn't like, I was actually showing up. So when I said I want to get back into shape, this is important to me. Health and fitness and nutrition, all this stuff is important to me. When I was eating like an asshole, like our lizard brains know that like there's this raging cognitive dissonance. You say this is important, but you don't act like it at all. Right. And it's easy to think about other people like breaking your trust, but I never thought about how often I was breaking my own trust. Right. Because I wasn't trustworthy and I knew it. And so I started showing up and I started trusting myself. And then, like once I started trusting myself and I was I was more familiar, more comfortable with myself, then I was more comfortable in my relationship as well. Like it spilled over from there, but it had to start with me getting things together.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Well, I mean, I think we all well, I mean, if if if you if you want to, most people you know, or get to a point where you're just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Yeah. And, you know, I constantly I ask the same question to anybody who calls, and I'm the furthest from a coach. I mean, outside of podcasting, but life, I'm not a life coach by any stretch of imagination. I just have a teeny bit of experience, and it's been my experience, and I always preface it with, well, in my experience, you know, it has been. But you know, usually whether it's a I'm in a relationship I just can't get out of, or I hate my job, or I this, that, and the other. You know, the the very first question I ask is, is you know, how much longer can you go on like this? Like, how much longer can you realistically go on like this? Because I that was my own personal experience. I built a business and and and and and done okay, built a business from nothing from 2010 to 2016. Yet I kept having this nagging reminder, like, hey, you're still a fucking asshole. Which that wasn't that wasn't self, that wasn't talking down, that was a call to action. I just knew something was off. And I was so fucking mad and angry and like I couldn't understand where all this was at. And and then you know, I decided I wanted a girlfriend 2016. I'll never forget it. 2016, I met her. We met up March 1st, 2016, up in Fort Lauderdale. And uh she said, I'm in this personal development course. And I'm like, Oh, well, well, let me tell you about my experience with uh personal development, walking on fire with Tony Robbins, boys, you know, it's that whole deal. And and she's like, That's cool. Well, I'm like knee deep in this program. It's called Gratitude Training. And I'm like, teaches you how to be grateful. She's like, not even close to it. So I think you should, I think you should join. And I'm like, Did they send you? Like, did they tell you like we need you to get on Twitter, start recruiting? And uh, so anyway, I'm like, I'm not doing it because I'm in I'm in integration mode right now. All right, and I went to Tony Robbins on the landmark forum, you name it, I've done it, and I'm integrating right now. And uh, she wasn't taking no for an answer, and we never stopped dating. We went on that first day, we never stopped dating. It was just like, you are my girlfriend, and this is what's happened. So fast, fast and crazy, and uh ends fast and crazy. And uh, she finally got me in that room and I was so resistant towards it. And there were two parts to it. The first part was a weekend, the second part was almost a week, started Wednesday at noon, ended Sunday night. But the first one started like Friday or yeah, Friday afternoon, yeah, Friday through Sunday. So it was short and sweet just to get in there and figure out what's going on, like to figure it all. But I'm the guy that walks out, like anybody want their refund before we get started? I'm like, yeah, give me the fuck out of here. So I would leave and like walk out, and they like chase you and stuff. Like it's it's not a cult because they let you go home. But but you know, they're like, and they kept saying, and this is I look back in retrospect now. This was six years ago, uh, and people would say, Hey, Sebastian, you can't quit. Your team needs you, and you're a leader. That's the leader, stick it out. I'm like, fuck leadership, you know? And anyway, I get through this first course, and um they asked me who I was, and we had to say in four or five words or whatever it was, who who are you? And I immediately responded with I am a powerful, lovable, authentic leader. And I'm like, I don't even know if I fucking believe that. Now I look back and I know who the fuck I am, and I'm most definitely a powerful, lovable, authentic leader, and it rolls off my tongue like nothing. But when I went through this course, it it it the first thing that that happened was that you know, I never forget telling the instructor because I was just ruthless in that course. I mean, just not belligerent, but I was pretty ruthless. Like when he was asking questions, and he asked me a question about I don't know what it was, and I responded with, I just don't give a fuck. And he goes, So where else does that show up in your life? Because how you do one thing is how you do everything. And I was like, Oh shit. And I really liked the guy a lot. And I kept on like in between breaks, I'd be like, So man, I'd love to meet up with you on the podcast, or he continued to respond with one answer. Finish the training. And uh he's a good buddy of mine now. It's wild, wild story how it all worked out. But I went through part one and defined who I was, started realizing, and then part two, we're gonna go in there, we're gonna start repairing and fixing shit. We're gonna dig down, we're going in because that's the only way out, and we're going to resolve this. And what was on the other side of that, Kirsten, was the opportunity for me to love myself. I didn't understand what it meant to actually love myself. I would talk about loving myself, I would talk about believing in myself, and I would talk about stepping into my power. Sebastian, once you step into your power and you start believing it, everyone else will do, oh my, I'm in my power, I believe it. But it wasn't. It was it wasn't that easy. But then the the most beautiful part of this, other than loving yourself, what what's better than that, was that I had complete accountability and ownership for my life.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Imagine that. And I was thoroughly convinced that every single thing that happened to me was my fault.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Everything. And that stands for everyone. Everything that happens. Now, I was also carrying a story for 36 years. My dad, this, and my stepmom that. I realized, you know, maybe it's time to stop blaming mom and dad. So I picked up the phone, I called my dad, which we have a distant relationship. I love him from a distance. He's my dad, and that's that. That's exactly what I told him. I said, Dad? I said, Yes, son. I said, I got my power back. He said, I don't know what that means, but it's great to hear from you. I said, I'll tell you what it means. For 36 years, I've been blaming you for my mom left and you played the victim, and then you got remarried, and then your wife this and you. But here's the here's the truth, Dad. I got one dad, and that's you. And I love you. And that's never gonna change. And number two, I know that when you were raising me, you did the best you could possibly do with the resources you have. And for that, I thank you, and I love you, and I appreciate you. And there's so much freedom on the other side of it. Don't get me wrong, I still I'm still triggered and they're still there. But I, you know, I I learned how to compartmentalize those closest to us in a healthy way in an effort to love them from a distance. Because otherwise, it's you know, it continues. I don't know how I went down this rabbit hole and like went from like unhappy housewife to like this conversation on here. But when I read the byline on your book that says how I changed my bullshit story, and that's exactly, I mean, that's landmark forum 101. What happened versus your story of what happened? And we marry those two together, and what we have a party, ladies and gentlemen. But the ownership part, and that's and I think that's where I started to go down the this this route here was because you made a conscious decision. Kirsten made a conscious decision to get the fuck up and do something about it. And what happens when that happens? Well, you get the results you wanted. I'm back in shape. I'm feeling better about myself. My confidence is back, I've got more freedom. My marriage is starting to rehabilitate itself on here. Isn't it funny that when we shift, those around us shift, and we don't have to fucking do anything about it? And so why? To me, it blows up.

SPEAKER_02 22:01

When we stop trying to control how everyone else is showing up and we control how we show up, it all changes.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Funny how that works out. It really, it, it, it really, really is. But it is a uh, you know, that's a gift we all have. There's no question of that. I mean, that's part of the calling on our life. There is no doubt about it. But the only question is, you know, are you answering that calling? That's that that that's the whole idea about it. And I just I couldn't imagine, you know, somebody asked me 12 years ago, Sebastian, what's next for you? And I said, I don't know. And she looked at me and she said, That's a fucking problem. And these were my offended days, Kirsten. So I was like, What do you mean? What I'm doing with my life is a problem. I said, So enlighten me. She worked for Tony Robbins, part of his core team, still does to this day, travels with him all around the world, the whole nine. He's probably a good person to get feedback from. So she said, uh, yeah, I'll explain. And this is where it all changed for me. And she said, uh, who's missing out when you don't show up? I was like, no. And I ask myself that constantly. When I don't fucking feel like it and I don't want to do it, who's missing out? Because I know the impact I make on people. I pour into people and you will leave different. It's just the way it is. Otherwise, I don't want to, I'm not interested in small talk. I'm not interested in the world of I'll sell you my bullshit and then you sell me yours and we'll call it a deal. You know, I want to know what the fuck's going on, and I want to know how you got from here to here. And I want to compare notes and we can share this human experience, you know, you know, together. So, did the book talk about this whole story? Is that what you wrote it for? Did you want to tell you?

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Yeah, I mean, it was it's kind of just a series of of bullshit stories that I had, right? Like the example of my husband not supporting my goals. Or that, you know, I'm so underwater as a housewife and a mom. I'm doing laundry all the time and dishes all the time and cleaning up, and that's like just the constant messes. But you know, my husband says, Well, just hire a housekeeper. Well, I couldn't hire a housekeeper because I was supposed to be in charge of the kids and house. So, what did that say about me and my role? Am I failing? Right? Like, I can't pay it. Also, it wasn't lost on me. Like, I knew I was working, I was contributing to our household, right? So that we could create wealth, but it was not lost on me that my husband was the one who like deposited the checks. Right? Like, I didn't get a raise, I didn't get a check for what I was doing. So, like, there's a lot of stories that go on with money when you're a stay-at-home mom. And let's talk about I didn't I didn't feel right saying, hey, like, let's take some of this money that like you're producing to take things off my plate and hire someone to help me. Yeah, because it felt like a failure on my part. And so I had this massive story that had been building for years. And, you know, that was part of me not growing because I didn't realize that I was adding all of these responsibilities and I wasn't offloading anything, right? So I was my business was growing, but I was continuing to like work in my business and not work on my business. I was the equivalent of like Jeff Bezos going to the warehouse and continuing to scrub the Amazon toilets.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Right? Like you don't do that. You become the CEO of your business and you find the $10 an hour tasks and you outsource those so that you can focus on your $100, $1,000 an hour tasks. I wasn't doing that. And I had to come to the realization that, like, eventually, you know, when I'm gone and my kids and their families get together for holidays, they're never gonna be like, mom was such a good mom because like she always did the dishes or like kept the kitchen so clean. You know what I mean? Like, it just didn't matter. It didn't matter. I was focused on the wrong things. I was so caught up being busy though, because it tied into another story. Because my husband, the entrepreneur, is very busy. And if he was busy, I had to be busy.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

Exactly. So I couldn't take things off my list because when I did come to him and I'm like, hey, I've got X, Y, or Z going on. Like, can you will you be here during the baby's nap time on Thursday so that I can leave and go to this thing? If I got any pushback at all because he was busy, that would always like trigger me that I had to have this endless to-do list because that was like my weapon to use back. Well, look at all these things that I'm doing.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah, the tail of two busies.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

Exactly. So if he was busy, I had to be busier so that I could win, which was hugely detrimental. And I didn't realize that I did this for so many years, right? So I held on really, really tight to all of those tasks and I didn't want to offload them because I wanted to be right and I wanted to win the arguments. But in the process, I'm making myself completely miserable in the hopes that I'm gonna win some hypothetical future argument about who's busier and who does more.

SPEAKER_00 26:49

Bill Gates says, busy's the new stupid.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

And it is, it is. I was not productive at all, I was just busy.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Right, right. So, what are you guys up to these days? You guys, you guys live a pretty awesome life. You we're we're part of the same mastermind. You guys are in in in execs, crushing it with the rest of the other incredible human beings in there. Um, but you guys do a ton of traveling, and uh, you got a motorhome, and uh you got a got a big house, and you guys are in shape and your kids are beautiful. Like, what else is going on?

SPEAKER_02 27:16

I appreciate all that. Um, you know, I will say my husband's great when it comes to lifestyle engineering. So this is kind of this is his thing. It's like, what's your dream lifestyle? Um, what are your core values? Are you kind of living your life every day in accordance with your core values? And I think that, you know, 2020 to now was difficult for a lot of people. But man, silver lining is it really gave us the opportunity to like lean in and like really live by core values. So I didn't want to send my young kids to school in masks, like I just wasn't gonna do it. Um, and we're in Texas, but for some reason, they literally just got rid of like the school mask requirements, like State of the Union when they got rid of it for Congress, right? Like they held on to that thing tight. So I was like, I'm not sending my young kids and like letting them think that this is normal because it's not really normal at all. So I pulled him out of school. So we started homeschooling. Um, we've been brave woman.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Brave.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

Oh, brave is one word for it. Make it a double.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Yeah. I know it's Tuesday at 10. Don't judge my journey. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

No, no, there is there's Don Julio in the refrigerator, that's for sure. Um, but you know, we we've gotten a couple RVs now and gotten into that. When everything was kind of closed down summer of 2020, I mean, we hopped in the RV, and I think we did like 10 states and traveled around with the kids, and we've done, you know, a lot of just kind of learning on the road.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Are the kids back in school now or are they still homeschooled?

SPEAKER_02 28:57

No, still homeschooled freedom is a core value. So I'm I'm never going to ask for permission.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

So it's like, you know, that's this you got a little classroom over there. Yeah, like a dog, you're like too short of a soccer team.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

I know. I mean, the little ones are they're a little bit of a problem right now. I need to get them back in like a mother's day out or something just to kind of like lighten the burden a little bit so I can focus because I'm really only teaching the older two. Okay, because they're first and third grade. The younger ones are, you know, two and five. So we've got a little bit of time there. Uh okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

But you know, it's how old are of them again? All four?

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Two, five, seven, and nine.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Okay, cool. All right.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Yeah, it's a shit show.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

Yeah. Almost like we got a party here, ladies and gentlemen. It's something. What so what is that like on a date? I mean, I had one and I raised her on my own, and I I yeah, I I don't know how I don't know how I did it. Well, my sister. I mean my sister, thank God for my sister and my mom, and just incredible humans in my life, but I could not, I mean, it's like mind mind-boggling to me. Four four children on a daily basis because you're you each child has a different need. Those are needy little fuckers, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's it's fun, it's chaotic.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Um, I I will say all the kids and my husband are pushing for a fifth baby. And I'm like, no, I was just about to ask you, guys.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

The factory, yeah. I was asking if the factory was closed or not. Yeah, because I mean, we got four. Why? I mean, what's five?

SPEAKER_02 30:32

I there's some truth to that. It's like economies of scale at this point. Like, you could just throw kids in, and I probably wouldn't even notice.

unknown 30:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

I'm like, just another one. Okay. Welcome to the chaos.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

So, do you guys still are you guys still taking hot trips? I feel like you guys have been on the road lately.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah, we um, well, again, going back to the mask thing, we said we wouldn't fly as long as there was a mask mandate for airline travel. So we didn't. We just RV'd everywhere. Um, which was good and bad. It's extremely inconvenient um and uh a little pricey.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Why is it inconvenient?

SPEAKER_02 31:10

It just takes so much more time.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Oh, to drive. Oh, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Yeah. I mean, you load four kids up in an RV because you've got to like host a mastermind in Miami or something, like say you drive Houston to Miami, which we did in January. Like it, yeah. You compare that to just being able to like hop on a flight and you're there that afternoon. Like you could go speak and then come home. Yeah. Um, but no, it's been good. I mean, we've we've rolled in a lot of like traveling for pleasure and work. Yeah. And I think it's been really good for our kids to be raised by a couple entrepreneurs who, you know, are kind of teaching them you can create whatever you want in your life, right? If you want your life to look like this, you want to be able to go and like hang out with really cool people and see cool sites, and you want to, you know, positively impact other people's lives, like you can do that. You just have to figure out who you are and like what your gifts are and how you can share that with people.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

That's great loss. That's that's damn good parenting, right there.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

I fingers crossed, nobody turns out to be like the serial killer or anything, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Exactly. I mean, one could only hope. I mean, it's like you know, Chris Rock says they don't judge daddies, but if your daughter grows up to be a stripper, you fucked up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

That's true. Fingers crossed on that one.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Absolutely. Well, I I successfully did it. Mine just turned 21 on Wednesday, which is crazy to even wrap my head around. And uh got a degree in psychology, makes complete sense because I know both of her parents, and um is going on to grad school to uh to get her master's in uh mental health counseling. I'm like, that's outstanding.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Well done.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Yeah, she's got a heart for uh for helping people. So um I said, you're doing God's work out there. So, but I go, but being raised by an entrepreneur and this craziness, it showed you how to hustle. You know, you were born into the game. She just got hired at the grocery store out in Phoenix. You would think that this girl just went to work for Apple. I mean, she's stock and dairy from six to two, and she's like that. I'm a full-time employee. So I love it. I love the fact that uh it's fun to watch them grow up. You're still parenting, regardless. There's still now it's now it's more of just how much. Um, you know, then mommy. Um, but it's not as so day-to-day, but it's just wild. The time, the time literally does fly by on raising children. It does not, it, it, it, you're like, what? Like, hold on. And my mom, my mom says, hey, it just keeps getting quicker. Like after high school, it flies, and then it's college, and next thing you know, she's out into the real world. I'm like, yeah, right. She's in 10th grade, mom. And uh, here we are. My grandmother said that the days drag on and the years fly by.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

Fact.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

That is the truth. So, what are you guys up to? Do you guys still own the gym?

SPEAKER_02 33:55

We actually just sold it uh about a week and a half ago.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

Nice! Congratulations on that. What was the motivation there?

SPEAKER_02 34:03

It it probably should have been done a few years ago, but better late than never. It just, you know, our focus has shifted. Um 2020 and 2021, we got way more into real estate. So we've got 41 personal rental properties, and then we are um general partners and as syndication down in Corpus Christi. That's another 27 units, I think. Wow, 26 or 27. So that's kind of that's been the focus. And then um, you know, I'm working solely with women, but it's all online. So I coach virtually on mindset, nutrition, and fitness for women. Um, kind of drawing from my unhappy housewife days, keep other people from you know, losing their identity and their purpose.

SPEAKER_00 34:53

You can be busy forever. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good niche, real good niche. Absolutely, because it's always there's always a new one coming. You know, I mean, unfortunately, but that's just the way life works. I mean, thankfully, there's individuals like yourself that can, you know, help you get unstuck.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Yep. It's funny because we always think that, you know, our stories and the lessons that we've learned are takeaways that, you know, we take them for granted that other people have figured it out as well. But the more that I kind of shared my experience, the more I realized that, you know, other people were facing the same thing. A lot of women were in the same position, you know, either they had felt like that before and maybe kind of made it to the other side, or they were still very much stuck in that spot. So I figure if I can take, you know, any kind of pain, challenge, all that stuff, and have the benefit of hindsight to figure out kind of how I worked through those things, right? How do you get to the other side of it and share that with people, then happy to do so.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

It's your responsibility and you're doing it. You know, I just think that uh, you know, to my the Bible speaks clearly about it. Too much is given, much is much is expected. And I'm I firmly believe that. I I really do. It is my distinct pleasure to be able to serve people with the gifts that I've got. So um, well, I commend you on the work you're doing. I'm a huge fan, even though we, again, we've never breathed the same air and met in real life. We will soon, but we will soon. MDM is gonna solve a lot of that. So I look forward to connecting with you and your hubby. And uh, that's what Apex is really all about is being able to build these carefully cultivated relationships with really awesome human beings. So I appreciate you taking some time out of your day to hang out here and share your story. I am uh I am inspired uh to say the least, and uh just excited for you guys and where you're going. It feels like it's still you guys have accomplished a lot, but it's you know, it feels like you guys are just getting started.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Just getting started.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

I love that. I love that. Well, congrats on all your success on the home front and on business. And um, I'm fired up to to hang with you guys at uh upcoming MDM. Any final thoughts here for our listeners?

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Man, I feel like we covered like a ton of stuff in a really short period of time.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

That's what we do.

SPEAKER_02 37:03

That was really efficient. I know you're good at this.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I'm really I I'm good at talking. And right at the end, my video freezes. Look at that, right at the very end there. I know what are the one of the odds. That's a crazy look. There we go. I'm back. Yeah. I was like, yeah, you're not, you're not, you're not able to see that if you're listening to the show. But uh Kirsten Smith, all of her information is going to be available in the show notes. That's the description of this podcast episode. If you're wondering what the hell a show note is, a link to buy her book, Unhappy, Unhappy Housewife. How to change my how I change my bullshit stories to create a life I love. If that doesn't rattle your cage and trigger trigger you in some form or fashion, you may want to check your polls. I'm be able to connect with uh Kirsten all of the links. Uh, like I said, it'll be in the show notes. And uh Kirsten will have to have I want to get you and the hub and the hubby um back on the show too. I want his perspective. There's three sides to every story, okay? So let me get you guys back. I'll maybe catch you guys in the RB one time.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

I love it. We'll get all outfitted out as a podcast studio on wheels.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

You totally should. I I did that with uh Adam Miller and a bunch of guys uh at the Apex Live last year. I got in that that thing smelled like a locker room when I got in there. I'm like, you guys have been on the road for a week. This is gonna be exciting, but yeah, yeah, we did a little makeshift, what's called, but totally doable. I have grand plans because I'm like, I'm 43 single and nobody needs me home for dinner. I might just buy an RV and just do like mobile podcast studio and just go city to city to city and do podcast live events and like yeah, who knows? Who knows?

SPEAKER_02 38:32

Who is it? Is it Tim Poole is all set up? He's got a like a fifth wheel or something that's that's the way it's they've got like eight of them.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Yeah. I totally, I totally see that. Yeah, it's yeah, he did hit me up about mobile podcast studios, and he's like putting them all. I'm like, that's a great idea. So anything's possible these days. Kirsten, I appreciate you. Look forward to hanging in June in uh in Dallas and uh you guys keep crushing life.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Awesome. Thanks so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

You got it. Until next time, friends. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story Podcast. We sure do appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. We sure do appreciate it. Signing off from the podcast, launchlab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.