How Dane Palarino Helps Men Over 35 Destroy the Dad Bod and Reclaim Their Confidence

This is the beyond the Story podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. And now, Sebastian Ross. Dane, welcome to the show. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Hey, thanks for being here. Appreciate you taking some time out of your busy day to hang out with me for a few minutes. I know that you and I connected on the Internet somewhere. I blame it. I blame Instagram. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, we did. We do one of them DMs and here we are. Yeah, it's funny how that works out. Podcasting, bringing people together once again. So. Well, it's great to, great to meet you, great to connect with you and looking forward to our conversation here. You know, Dane, on this show, I love telling people stories. And for our listeners and for some context, I always like to go back to the beginning of the story, wherever the beginning is for you. That's always different for everyone. But let's spend a few minutes going back to the beginning of the story where this all started, and then walk us through present day with what you're currently doing and building and who you serve and what you're working with. Yeah, I appreciate that. All right, so I go back to about five years. So five years ago I was leading two seven figure headhunting agencies in the technology space. So we're recruiting at the highest level. I had taken me about seven almost years to build that, my first agency into a seven figure company. And then I niched down and built first of Its Kind, which was a world class headhunting firm for product managers for software companies. And that took me less than three years to build into a seven figure agency. And within those three years, I had two kids, a new marriage and a booming business. So somebody who was always active athlete growing up, always kind of moved. I was still training four, five, six days a week at that point in time I was doing group fitness class, so Orange Theory Fitness. And I had noticed that my energy, my attitude was changing. I started to get this financial independence that I had always been working for. So it took me about 10 years to get there. But I no longer liked playing myself anymore. I was short with my wife, I was agitated with my kids. I was moody all the time. I was relying on vices to escape. And one day the, the Orange Theory Fitness was shown like a transformation contest. And they took a picture of me because I thought I was like a slingshot away from winning the thing. And sure enough, the picture, when it, when it was revealed to me, I had realized, dude, I look more like an eggplant than the Adonis Greek God I had envisioned. In my mind, I realized that this was the source of all the pain in my life. The insecurity, the fights with my wife, the shortness with my kids, the inability to want to go to the beach or take my shirt off. I no longer liked playing me. And this awareness had hit me like, man, I traded my health and my happiness in exchange for this financial success that I had achieved. And so I knew that that wasn't scalable, man. My kids were 3 and 1 years old. So for me, I just played the tape, you know, I'm like, I'm 42 years old. If I continue on this trajectory. Because everyone was saying, dude, you know, you're older, you're in your 40s, things change. If I had accepted that story, I just saw not a very present or happy husband or present dad, right? I scaled it, like, okay, if I continue on this path, what's that look like for my kids three years down the road, five years down the road, what's that look like for my marriage? And that was just an unacceptable reality for me. So I went on this journey of personal development where I was really determined to figure out the way that I was going to optimize training with nutrition, feel good in my own skin, and build a better version, a better example and better standard for my kids, and most importantly, for my partner, my wife. And so that set me on this, this path in my own life to go and figure out what was the optimal way within the hour that I had to train, right? Because things had changed at 42 versus when I was 22, what was the optimal way to eat, right? That I was fueling for energy and not constantly tired or fatigued or achy. And how do I make that sustainable as a lifestyle? Because at this point, dude, I had been on the Internet like everybody else. I bought in the hundred dollar plans, thousand dollar coaches, like all these different things. And they were, they were behavioral changes, but not identity changes, right? To where it became sustainable as a lifestyle. So I went and fixed that problem for myself. And in doing that, I became a much better husband, a better father, My business took off more than ever. And I realized, man, other people have this problem because every client that I served look like my prior self. And that led me down this mission to help other men do the same thing, Restore men, change lives. And so that's when I started Dabad Sculptors three years ago next month. Love it, dude. Well, congrats on the transformation. Definitely. I'm inspired. And we've only been talking for a few minutes now. Yeah, dude, it was, it was quite the transformation when, if you see the before pictures. So walk me through that. How does that, how does that work? Because I, you know, I. I totally get the eggplant. You know, I. I always say I'm Homer in training. Yeah. And I'm 47. I feel 27. Yeah. Pretty. I'd say I'm pretty active. Drink more beer than I should. Yep. And I eat. Try to eat as good as I can, too. But I know all of those things can be better. It's like, hey, listen, just cut it all out. Get on a diet. Get an active work program. Sometimes that just is not enough. I don't know, Maybe I'm not consistent enough with it. But walk me through your. What your process was. Yeah. So for me, it was like, all right, I got the hour to go to a gym like this. Hit this high intensity interval training. Obviously, I was doing that for eight months. It wasn't working right. So I'd realized, okay, what's the optimal way to build and train? Right. Like the data said, like, men start losing muscle tissue after 35. Our hormones start declining after 35. So I knew, okay, how do I get that to go the other way? So for me, that led me to one style of training. Like. Like training the muscle to put it under tension. That would grow muscle tissue because that was a critical longevity marker. I didn't want to be a bodybuilder or win a strongman competition. I just wanted to have some muscle tissue to feel good. But two, I wanted that to leverage and have optimal hormones. Right. Because I wanted to feel like a man. And then three, I wanted to look good naked. So those are kind of the objective. Right. For my wife. And so there was a very specific style of training. So once I got that dialed in, like, okay, there's a specific way that people trained to change their body composition. So I'm going to go deep into that. And then two, once you do that, the body, the training moves it. But how do you actually change it? Well, that's going to come down to the nutrition. So how do I build something that's sustainable? What I mean by that, Sebastian, is something that is not a diet. Right. But a meal plan. One that I look at as fuel and doesn't have an end date. Right. Because we can all white knuckle it for 90 days, six months, maybe even a year. But at some point in time, it's partner starts looking at me. When's this diet Over. And I didn't want to be on a diet. I wanted to have a meal plan. I just wanted to eat differently. So I started to identify that there were some things happening internally with inflammation, insulin resistance, cortisol deregulation that was really impacting my body chemically. And that was even the best effort wasn't going to give me the fruits of my labor. So once I figured out that foods can solve that problem, I really honed in on the nutrition piece. And so for me, that became proper training, pushing blood, proper nutrition. So I got better digestion, absorption, elimination that eliminated these kind of internal fires that my body was putting out. Then I optimized with supplementation, right? Some basic supplementation. And then for cardiovascular health, I started to be strategic in the type of cardio that I was doing. I didn't just do random runs, flipping over tires or sprints. You know, I was like, there's a very strategic way you want to approach this for cardiovascular health or heart health or body comp. And so those four pillars became a system. And that was the thing Sebastian building two seven figure agencies. When I looked and said how could I build these agencies successful? But I can't figure out my, my own body, right? The one thing that God was given to me and it was like, well, because you have systems that you rely on that you built, you just don't have one here. So I built a system that were integrated into my life so it could become sustainable as a lifestyle. And once I figured that out, dude, it was game on, right? I was like, you know, yeah, man. This just becomes non negotiable retraining. The food isn't a is fuel. The supplementation makes me feel better. The cardiovascular makes me get younger internally. So now I feel like I'm 25 again. And as we call this the Benjamin Button effect in my community. And that system became the foundation of dabod sculptors. So when people come in, we do the same thing. We understand their identity, their roadblocks, their challenges, their travel, their kids, baseball. And then we build a system that integrates into their life so that it becomes sustainable and manageable. Love that. Yeah. So how long does the pro. Is it an ongoing program that people join? It's a year program. It doesn't take a year to get you in the best shape of your life. That takes 90 days. But to sustain it as a lifestyle, you got to go through seasons, right? Because there's a season where you can focus on things and then there's going to be a busy season. A Holiday season, a vacation season, maybe some stress seasons. So we want people not only to get in the best shape of their life, but to stay in the best shape of their life. I think that's where 95 of people fail. Right? Everyone's gotten in the best shape of their life before. P90X was famous for that, but they didn't sustain it. 75 hard another example. Right. So our job is not only to get them there, but sustain it, make sure that it lasts. So it's a year program, but one of the coolest data points about the community that I've built. 97% of the guys that are in my program sign up for another year, multiple years. At the end of that 12 months, which is amazing. That's like unheard of in this space. And they're not still looking to lose their 26 pounds of baby fat. Right. They're well beyond that. What's happened is they've taken a shift not only in behavioral changes, but identity changes. And when you make that identity shift, you identify, identify as somebody who non negotiates on training that these are the foods you eat. These are some non negotiables in your life. Then you want to be surrounded by the people that live by that standard. And so we have a brotherhood, we have community, we have mastermind. So all that becomes the, the longevity and the sustainability of the people in my community. Where's the, where, where's the booze come into play here? Because you know, a lot of guys in their 40s, you know this, this day and age, even though alcohol consumption's down, you know, I love tequila and I know that you're going in the opposite direction of getting shape and reaching your goals by doing that. What, how do you, how do you work with people when it comes to getting their, getting their program laid out and figured out? But they've got a, you know, they're accustomed to a, a non healthy type. Yeah. So it's such a good question. A lot of guys do that. Especially I work with business owners, leaders, entrepreneurs, tech executives, cardiologists, plastic surgeons. Like all we know when we come home, we had a great day, let's have a drink. Had a shitty day, let's have a drink. Right? And that, that leads to some comfort food. Right. So this cycle that we, we set up, it's a belief system that we had. I was victim to this. My vice was alcohol, weed. And then good meal, man. It was just, just recycled. This, this evening ritual that was. I'd wake up foggy and groggy and it just started to impact and then I stopped believing that I was going to actually get the changes. So for me, there is no, you need to stop it. We educate on five non negotiables. Avoiding vices is one of those non negotiables only because when you pay, you pay attention. And when you pay to get into my program, you want to pay attention, you want to get those results. So for me, I just educate guys. Okay? The moment you put alcohol in number one, it's the neurotoxin number two, it stops all the fat burning and stops all the muscle building. So if you're actually going to prep the foods, do the workouts, get through the cardio, buy the supplements, just know all of that stops the moment you do this, right? So that's education piece. A lot of people don't know that. So once they get that education, they either a say like, all right, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get through this phase. And then they get on the other side of that and it's like, damn, I'm never going back. Once I go from the Hyundai to the Ferrari, I'm not going back to the Hyundai. Like, that's kind of the analogy that guys have used. The other side of it is teaching guys how to cut the cord. You know, okay, if we are going to drink, let's, let's pick one day and let's be strategic about that day. I'll build you a plan so that we eat a little bit differently during the day. You and your old lady can go out at night for dinner. These are the types of drinks you can have. And let's, let's handle our next follow up day this way so that we're not inflamed or retaining water or losing the momentum that we're building. So it's teaching guys how to do that. And over time you watch, it slowly becomes less and less of a tool that they need. And that was my story too, man. I started, I was drinking alcohol when I started and then I, I had a whoop and whoop would track the data and I'd see when I drank how my recovery was impacted. And I'd see that so often I'm like, damn, man. Like, I did the, the training, the food prep, the cardio, the sweating, all this. And like, I just tank my recovery now. I don't want to work out today. And I started to go like, is this worth it? So I cut, I kept cutting the cord and a really cool story, like, how I ended up finally just putting it down. I. I was down to one day a week, right? And it was just tequila and water. That was it. One day a week, I'm have tequila and water, sometimes two drinks. And my son had noticed this sh. My behavior with my foods and my. And. And my body and. And my abs. And he started to see me watch videos and study this stuff. And he didn't know what a headhunter was because I was still active in that business. So he's like, dad, why do you eat this way? You know? And I said, well, why do you watch these guys? Said, these guys are bodybuilders, right? They, they. They're masters at changing their body, right? Building muscle and getting fat. And. And he. I said, to be able to do that, you have to train a very specific way and eat a very specific way. So that is just doing that. I'm becoming a bodybuilder, right? That's what I was. Just made it simple for him. So one day I was at a restaurant and he said, I ordered a tequila. And he said, what's tequila, dad? And I said, oh, it's. It's an adult beverage. You can't, you can't have that. And he said, he said, oh, do bodybuilders drink tequila? I'm like, no, no, they don't. And he said, why? I said, well, because it stops the muscle building and the fat burning process. And he's like, but I thought you were a bodybuilder. And I'm like, true. So I could either a. Unwind this and tell another lie and that element in this lie cycle, my kid, or just admit that he just called me out and I probably should not drink that day. And I didn't. Literally a month later, same thing. We're at Friends. He's at the other side of the table. I order a tequila because everyone's getting one. And he said, dad, bodybuilders don't drink alcohol. And man, that was it. I. I choked up. I got so emotional. I went, yeah, I can never drink again. That's it. You know, he was six at the time. And all these years, bro, I was 45 at this time. I had. I'd known alcohol wasn't serving me. I just couldn't get it out, like, permanently. And that hit so hard that that was almost three and a half, four years ago. I never touched a drink again. So kids can be a powerful tool, too. I never wanted to undo that truth. Right, right, right, right. Well, that. There's a good anchor there. I I literally just went and joined an expensive gym to get some leverage on myself. I'm like 350 bucks a month's a lot of money for. For a gym. Place is nice. Lifetime. It's got everything. Is that what they're charging now? 350? Yeah, 350. But I did the math on my, you know, good tequila purchases and blow through that. Three weeks. Yeah. Yes. So sure, dude. I was buying the top, top shelf stuff too. You got to do it. And it just. I mean, that's. It's the only way it's done. The problem is that it's, you know, that it goes down so smooth. It continues to go down smooth. You know, next thing you're warm and fuzzy and you're like, where's that number for Domino's again? We don't even need to call them. There's an app. That's how it is, man. You start making those decisions. That's where guys don't realize the alcohol leads to other bad. Start parlaying that one decision into other ones. Yeah. Somebody said to me one time, I don't know, that I have a drinking problem. I just don't like the conversation I have with myself about. Around alcohol. And I thought that was an interesting way to. To go and put it, to be able to see. And I think that it's something about our 40s, man, where I don't know, every ache and ailment, things. I'm dying, you know? That's right. Yeah. That's your 40s. My mother's 79. She goes, Imagine how I feel. Yeah. But you, you. Well, now I get the whole midlife crisis. I understand why people go why. Why guys go through all that. And you. You literally get to a. You're at a halfway point where you're like, in. In if. If I'm lucky, I got another 40, 50 years. That's right. To figure this out on here, which is essentially another lifetime that I've already lived on here. What am I going to. To do with it? And, you know, as. As a. As a person that works with people to step into a different version of themselves by launching a podcast, It's a different type of transformation. You gotta be on almost all the time, you know, because I often say, you know, who's missing out because you're not showing up? And I'm like, sometimes you don't show up. You know what I mean? Yeah. So that. That conundrum starts to, To. To. To. To happen. And if you're smart, it's leverage yes, you, you. When you. When you recognize the hypocrisy that you have sometimes when you're not living congruent, it shows up in. In all these little areas. Insane. That was it for me, man. It was. My wife knew a version of me and the public knew a version of me, and I hated that. Those are two different versions. Yeah, you know, that was a big thing for me, and I started just having more and more honest, tough conversations with myself, and that slowly just started to chip away at killing that old dude. And when I drank dude too, like any bitterness or any bricks that I had, as I like to call them, like you and your wife, something happens, you stack a brick, and then one day you just turn around and grabbing all the bricks, you did this and you did this right? And I was just like, I didn't want my kids. I mean, the cool part, dude, my kids have, in over five years, have never seen my wife and I fight. So since I've made these shifts in my life, it's shown up in my. In my household to where there's never been a fight with my wife and I. They've never seen me drunk. They've never seen me and my wife go at it, you know, like we did prior to when they were still young and I was drinking and didn't have security in my own manhood. I was providing and protecting. But all these other things started to nip away at my confidence and, and, and those vices were a big, big way. And so when I would drink, I'd kind of. They call them spirits for a reason. You know, I would. I would be subjected to some different spirits. Yeah, absolutely. Energies. Well, dude, this is nothing short of a very encouraging conversation. I knew there was something about you, Dane. We connected in the dms. I'm like, I got to talk to this guy. Well, you know, listen, you. You got to surround yourself with people that are doing what you want to do and you gotta, you know, what is it? Model the masters. And. And it looks like, you know, if you're gonna join, you're listening this right now, and you're like, I've been thinking about, I give you some accountability. I need a coach. I need some community. I mean, Dane clearly is living proof of being he's the product of the products. First of all, it's kind of like, you know, if. I mean, I. I would not hire anybody in the fitness realm, world health, nothing if they didn't have biceps like you. Yeah, yeah, you, You. You could. You. You would whoop my ass in an arm wrestling contest for, for sure. You know what I mean? Yeah. You don't take financial advice from broke people. You shouldn't take fitness or health advice from somebody that's out of shape. Yeah, yeah, I think that's important too. Yeah, absolutely. Well, dude, I enjoyed our conversation. Love, love what you've done here. You're clearly doing work that matters. And like I often say, you are clearly living in your purpose on purpose. And I wanted to encourage you to keep up the great work. You're clearly making an impact in your own life, your own family, your own household, but also the, the guys you get the opportunity to work with. So it's a privilege to, to now call you a friend and be connected with you. Any, any final thoughts for our listeners? No, man, I would say the same thing. Like you can, you can go to chat GPT, you can go to IG, go to YouTube to find workouts. Right. But that's not sustainable. Like those are just short term behaviors. You're gonna question whether or not they're working. Like, I think in today's world with AI so prevalent, like it's brotherhood, it's community, it's one to one relationship, it's live for in person events. Like those are the things that really men are in most in need for. Right. Because we tend to isolate and get in these siloed places of like, my job is this. And we become the rock in the ocean for everybody around us. Like, you need to surround yourself by other brothers that are doing the hard thing and embracing that. And you've got your north star, your coaches, your mentors, people you look up to, your east and west, people, brothers that are alongside swinging with you and people that are below you, people that you can pull up, that are trying to get to where you go. So you should always ask yourself, who's my north, who are my east and west and who are myself? Brothers. And if you don't have them, you start finding them. Love that, ma'. Am. Hey, thanks again for your time, Dan. I appreciate you, my brother. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Got it. Until next time, friends. Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the beyond the Story podcast. We sure do appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. We sure do appreciate it. Signing off from the podcast launch lab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time. Significant.