How To Get the Life You Want - Ray Higdon - Higdon Group

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. Ray Hignan, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. It's great to have you here, brother. Great to meet you in person too. A couple weeks back. We both uh had the opportunity to speak at Podfest and uh in Orlando and had a few uh opportunities to to chat for a few minutes and uh heard your talk, took a lot from it, and uh I thought, hey, let's uh let's get you on the show. I want to know more about uh how you've built uh the business that you have, the success that you've achieved so far. So I always love to tell people's story. I like to go back really to the beginning of the story. So we can rewind back as far uh as you'd like, but I'd like to know, you know, the humble beginning days, uh, if you will, if we could start there and that what really brought us uh brought you rather into present day and what you're doing uh to just absolutely crush it in in your space and really help people uh do the same exact thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Yeah. Um so I mean, I guess I'll start with I had worked my way up in the corporate world to a pretty pretty decent pay and salary, but I really wasn't happy. Um there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Um the position above me had probably 10 times the stress. And um, and so I, you know, I love to grow and I felt like there was no place else for me to grow. And so I had some buddies from high school that were doing really well in real estate, and this was back in 2004, uh here in the state of Florida. And so these guys were, you know, that I went to high school with, they weren't that brilliant, uh, but they were making a lot of money. And I'm like, well, if these knuckleheads can do it, maybe I can too. And so I read my first book about being an entrepreneur or real estate in April of 2004. And by April of 2005, me and a partner had acquired a bunch of rental properties and uh and I left my job. And so that was the last job I ever had back in 20, you know, 2005. And so things were rocking and rolling. You know, 2005, everyone's making money in real estate. Uh, I was flipping houses, I was fixing and flipping, I was assigning contracts, I had rental properties, and then the market changed. And I realized that I wasn't a genius, I was just someone that was doing a lot of work in a hot market. And so when the market changed, I really didn't know how to adapt. And all of a sudden, uh the people that were renting our places weren't paying nearly as much. Um, you know, the demand for buying just went completely away, financing went completely away. And so I found myself from thinking I was going to be this real estate, you know, bajillionaire to uh being in foreclosure. I lost it all. And so uh lost literally everything I'd ever saved. I emptied my IRA that I'd had since I was 18. I sold my savings bond that my dad had given me, I sold my high school ring, my furniture, and um, and I went through a divorce and I was sleeping on my buddy's couch. So it wasn't great. And I really didn't know what I was gonna do. And someone invited me, a friend of mine, Chris, out of Cape Coral. Uh, he invited me to a home meeting, which I knew what that was, and I and I I I really couldn't stand network marketing, to be honest. I just didn't want to be a part of it because I had tried it before and it just was weird to me. But I I really didn't think I had any options. No one was hiring my credit shot. I got no money. And so I decided that, you know what, I'm gonna figure this damn thing out. And so I do. And long story short, um, through a lot of effort, I become the number one incomer in that company, uh, make millions of dollars with that company. The way that I was doing it back then through social media was very um not normal back then for that, for that niche. And uh so people wanted me to teach them how I was doing it because most people didn't think you could do it that way. And this was back in 2000, 2010. And so I started getting asked uh to speak on a lot of different stages, uh, interviewed on a lot of different podcasts, um, didn't intend on building a coaching and training business, but our you know, coaching and training business has generated you know tens of millions of dollars. We became an Inc. 5000 company in 2016. I decided to retire from actively building any team and just focus on the coaching and training. And uh that's what we've been doing. And here in this last you know year for sure, but two years, uh, I've gone through the most um incredible personal growth I've ever gone through with daily meditation, with studying under Dr. Joe Dispenza. And uh and now I've gone from having what most people seek, which is financial success and freedom and all and all that stuff, to being a better dad, being a better um, you know, husband, being a better person, uh, feeling better about myself and my accomplishments. And so I would say the last year of growth has actually been my most monumental, although I understand that the the financial uh difference gets probably more attention.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah, it really, really does. I mean, but it sounds like you're you're significantly more fulfilled now that you're air quotes doing the the work um you know on on yourself. And I think that uh that people grossly underestimate that or even worse, don't even know what's available when it comes to improving the the quality of your life, not just because money and money's not gonna do that. Money's just gonna magnify uh what are what is already um not working or not there or what needs to be worked on on there. Let's talk a little bit about this stuff that you've been doing with um Joe Dispens. I haven't I haven't I haven't I've heard a ton about him and people rave about him and I hear incredible things about him, and the guy fills rooms with thousands of people and changes thousands of lives. Um and I've seen your post recently, so I was like, ooh, I can't wait to uh to ask him what that's all about and his experience.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

Yeah. Um, so I had one of my good friends, he was one of my groomsmen. Um, you know, I got I got remarried in 2011, been married, you know, 10 years now, uh almost 11. And um he came to me and him and I have, he's like the most chill person I know on the planet earth. Um, he was a yoga teacher, he made millions in real estate, like, but you would never know it. It's crazy. And he came to me and he said, we had done meditation off and on before, like over the years. Um, but he came to me, he's like, dude, you need to go to a Joe Dispenser retreat. And I'm like, okay, well, you know, why? I'm busy, man. I got stuff, you know, I'm doing stuff, man. And uh, and he just shared with me some of his really big experiences he had had of um just just totally, you know, feeling different and and you know, energetically and everything and how his life had improved. And so I'm like, all right. And so that, you know, that like day, I start, you know, doing my best to effort toward meditation. And at first, I'm two minutes in and I'm you know, fidgeting and I'm you know not not listening and I'm you know stretching and you know, getting aches and pains. And and so I I've learned that you know, most people they draw the conclusion that they I'm just not meant to meditate or I can't meditate. And what they don't understand is everyone has to tame the animal. And and so, hi sweetie. I'll be out in a minute. Say hi, say quick hi, and then I'll be out in a minute, okay. Hi, what's happening? Thanks for joining us. I'll be out in a minute, okay. Beautiful, and and and so, thank you, and so you have to you have to tame the animal because most people are so unaware and unconscious that their body is running the show, their body is telling them what to do, not the other way around. And so you have to tame the animal. You have to say that, hey, we're sitting here and meditating today, and that takes effort, that takes repetition, that takes time. But beyond that, you start to realize what else can I do? And and so now I mean I've done four hour meditations without moving. And and that's just from the constant repetition of taming the animal, of telling it that I'm the master, I'm in control, and you know, the whole, you know, you know, just my whole life, like, you know, just the chattering, you know, constant, right? I just don't, I just don't get that hardly at all anymore. I mean, you still get some, but hardly at all. And in the way that I've reduced my workload, but increased my results has a lot to do with, you know, what my one of my mentors calls moving from the mule to the magician. And and so you start to really become greater than your environment, your body, and time. And so that you you're not so rushing all the time, you're not so non-present, you're not so stressed. And and so I've there's just been so many benefits of meditation and his work that's been incredible. So much so that uh I actually went through, I'm currently going through his certification process to be able to specifically teach his stuff. And I went through his week-long training, the train the trainer. And um, so I want to be able to bring that to corporations, bring that to groups. And uh, that's how much I think the world needs, you know, his level of training.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm I'm my ears perked up. I and I've been on I've been on the path to figuring uh Sebastian out for quite some time. And I there my I too, uh I remember the forget the first time trying to meditate. I went down with a friend of mine that's you know helps people meditate. And uh we were at she was maybe there at sunrise and we were there, and you talk about the fit the fidgeting and the and the this this whole uncomfortable ants in my pants. I couldn't even meditate for a minute. And you know, she looked at me and she said, I need three minutes from you. Actually, actually, let me put it to you this way, because this is not gonna land for you otherwise. We're not leaving the beach until I get three minutes from you. And I'm like, Okay, well, the sun's coming up and it's getting hot. So I think we can do this. I mean, I can easily go in for 15, 20 minutes now. I've been doing some extensive breath work uh practices and and stuff like that that that's uh taking me to places literally taking me to places I didn't know I could uh I could go, but I'm I'm extremely grateful. I'm a very high energy, over-the-top guy, and I've been able to really channel that uh for for for good. And you mentioned something, you know, you know, balancing the workload. I find myself, I don't work past three o'clock most days. I just don't do it. And I haven't made it, I haven't arrived wherever that is, whatever it may be. Um, but I still work. I'm good for five or six days a week, usually, but I gotta have time to live and I gotta have time uh to to to to to be me. And when I when I've freed up that space, you're exactly right. Like the I'm business is even crazier than it was when I was air quotes hustling, which this whole hustle culture, I'm just I'm not buying into. I mean, this uh it I I'm I'm rooting for the awareness culture. And I think that is uh you know, that's why you've taken a liking to what Joe's doing and and really saying, hey, listen, I can integrate this into my work. Now I'm like, okay, train the trainer. This is uh now I'm really how does this mix in with podcasting? Well, a lot, you know. I mean, in fact, with the work that I do, I have clients saying, you know, very what you do has very little to do with podcasting because I can't help myself. You know, once you discover what's possible with ourselves, it's tough not to share it. And I think it's, you know, if we take that a step further, Ray, I think it's really our responsibility that once we have the opportunity to heal, not only do others around us heal and we don't have to do anything about it, but us being able to have and initiate conversations of people going, wait a second, I didn't even think about that, is really, really powerful stuff.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Yeah. Yeah. It um, you know, I have three mantras. And, you know, one is help the person you used to be. And, you know, for me, that's a lot of that's a lot of people. You know, I grew up in an abusive home. Um, I, you know, been deeply depressed. Um, you know, I've been a workaholic, I've been a non-present dad, I've been um, you know, the angry guy, uh, been the jealous guy. Um, you know, my second mantra is we have to be as brave as the people who need us, which means we have to do the hard work. We do hard things, yeah, and we have to, you know, face the challenges that come our way so that we can earn the right to speak about that experience and help others. And then the third is let me not be so busy saving strangers that I neglect my own.

unknown 13:21

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

And that's a new one because you know, for many years, because of my you know, childhood and background, I really didn't know how how to be a mentoring dad or how to be even with the people that worked for me in my company. Like I always had this, like I had to be in authority, and I don't have any good role models for authority, but I've moved that, I've learned to move that from authority to mentor in all areas of my life. And and that's that's what's really changed some of the closest people to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

It's a it's incredible. Well, I'm I'm I'm so uh I'm so glad you've you've been able to uh I I always refer to it as the path, you know, and I uh, you know, the path of of healing, the path of becoming the best version of yourself, the highest version of yourself, whatever you want to call it. Um, and I don't know that everyone will find the path. It it is my hope and prayer that that that they do, but I think that more than more than that anything, we can at least play our role in that in that process of really uh being able to help people uh do that. Um I sat in your talk at at Podfest uh a couple of weeks back and and you you really talked about a lot of um a couple of interesting things and I had my notes here, but I figured we'd just dive in anyway, because of course nobody knows your talk better better than you on here, but you started talking about um really declaring specific things on a daily basis and habits and habitual things that if you want specific things and success and money and certain aspects, there there are things that you can do to contribute to that process. Let's talk about that for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Yeah. Um, so you know, it's you should be constantly setting intentions, but not setting them in a way that they're of too much importance or urgency. And and so, because it's I think it's very hard for us to set something with urgency and and not have it be too important to throw us out of whack. And so if you if you know, right, if you if you walk you know the path, right? If you walk the path and you set intentions for what you want, and you just have a knowing that these things are coming to me, they're on the way, I'm preparing to receive them, then you're actually going to receive them. And it's only when we start to notice that they're not here, or we start to get anxious or impatient that we start to change our energy to all of a sudden now that's not happening. And and so it's the trick, the real trick of everything is seeing seeing and feeling things before they're actually in your reality. And so um, you know, the example that I that I always use that I think most people can resonate with is, you know, a year and a half ago, I bought ballroom dance lessons for my wife and I. And you know this story. And uh, and so when I started, I was just terrible. I mean, really, really bad. They're like, Ray, can you hear the rhythm? It goes like, do you hear that? And I'm like, and you know, just stomping around, just the most inelegant Frankenstein on the dance floor is terrible. And and I know this is true because four months in doing two classes a week, uh, there was a guy lacing up his shoes for his class. He was a new student, and he rushed over to me and my wife and said, Oh my God, I'm so glad I came in early. I feel so much better. Like basically saying how terrible I was, and at least he's better than me, right? And so that night I realized, or that right in that moment, I realized, I'm like, you know, I know all these mindset, you know, things for business and success and achievement, but I'm not using any of it for this. Like, why would I why how come I use it over here, but not for anything else, right? And so that night I started doing mental rehearsal. I started seeing myself as a better dancer. I started, you know, asking myself, how would that feel? You know, how would it feel if I was a better dancer? What would that look like? How would I know it's true? And so started practicing in my mind, just mental rehearsal. And there's a lot of studies behind this of, you know, there's a famous uh piano study out there where people practice in their mind and actually improve by 23%. And so, you know, they've done studies of people doing this mental rehearsal thing and how it actually changes their results. And so I um fast forward, okay, uh, about maybe six months, uh, my wife and I would go to an international competition in Miami, come in first place in our division in two different dances. And the instructors say to me, they're like, Hey, you know, Ray, you really weren't getting any better. And then all of a sudden, one day you like skyrocketed, like you got so much better, so much faster. That must have been the day you started practicing at home. Not really. You see, I actually didn't increase my work output. I didn't start prospecting more people, I didn't start booking more things, I didn't book more lessons, I didn't start grinding past 3 p.m. or grinding harder, right? All I did was I started taking the time to do two things. One, mental rehearsal of what I actually want in my life, right? How do I want to show up? How do I want to be? And number two, I stopped noticing my missteps. So that means stop noticing your lack in the bank account, stop noticing how bad the relationship is, stop noticing all the other negative things in your life. And so I did those two things, and all of a sudden, my results completely changed, even though I didn't increase my work output. And so that's uh that's the key. Most people they spend time imagining the worst case scenario. And so even people that do a lot of work, I used to think that, well, if someone hustles enough, even if their mindset sucks, they'll still get great results. And that's just not true because I've met people that work really, really hard and their results suck. And it's because they're constantly noticing that they suck. They're constantly noticing their lack, their scarcity, they're not having. And so you have to change that up. And so that's why I fully believe that everyone that says, uh, oh, I don't need mindset training, I just need the hashtag, I just need the script. I just need to, what microphone does it use? Right. People focus on these little you know things. What they really need to focus on is their mindset. What are they rehearsing? What are they affirming to be true? What are they verifying to be true in their mind? And because that's what's going to show up outside of them.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Do you think that would fall into the same category as um the saying, um, if you play the part, you become the part?

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah, as long as you're really playing the part. Right. Right. If you're playing the part, yeah, as long as you're really playing it. Sure. So keep in mind, I still made missteps. I still was off beat. I was still like, like especially when I first started this process, I was still screwing up and forgetting my my things. I just didn't notice them as much. I didn't, I didn't dwell on them, I didn't harp on them. I didn't say, Oh, I'm just not good. I stopped beating myself up and noticing all the bad things and stayed focused on who I actually wanted to be. And so playing the part would be accurate.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Well, because I in anything but fake it till you make it. I try to diffuse that uh saying as much as possible because I think that's terrible advice.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yeah, I mean, fake it till you make it, you know it it's just contrary, right? It's it's contrary because um, as soon as you introduce the word fake, the imposter syndrome is kicked in. Yeah. And so most people can't get past that. Correct. Um, I mean, there's an element of truth in there, but but the language is important. It's like the difference between faith and knowing. Do you have faith? Do I have faith that this is my hand? Or do I know this is my hand? Right. There's a big difference. Sure. And and so, like, I when I when I set intentions, I know I'm going to get those things. I don't know how, I don't know exactly when, but I know I'm going to get them. They've already I've already received them, I've already experienced them. Like, what do you mean? I've already had the feelings of having them. So why how could I not? And and so that's that's you know, language is important. So fake it till you make it is is tough for most people and inaccurate for most people.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Absolutely. I love the uh, and that was one thing I'd forgot when I was recapping with a friend in the hallway after your talk. And that one very important point, which is how do you know it's true? So when you're envisioning these things and you're seeing yourself happen, part of that process, how do you know it's true? Very, very important component uh to that. Yeah. So if if someone were listening, Are are if somebody's listening to this episode and they're like, hey, listen, I'm a high performer and uh and I am figuring out how to take things to the next level. And I'd love to connect with Ray further. What are some things that that you can help people out with? And of course, we'll include the links for people to connect with you further as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah, I mean, probably ECS is just connect with me on Instagram. It's at Ray Higdon. Um, I post a lot of stuff there and and I help high achievers feel better about themselves and their accomplishments. And so, you know, I have clients that range from uh probably the lowest would be like 80,000 a month up to 22 million a month. And and you know, I'm not sometimes I'm helping them with money, um, but a more times than not, I'm helping them stop being so frustrated and stressed out and and learn to be more accepting and allowing of what they've actually created. Right. And and so, you know, and and what I found is, and and the only way I can do this is because I went through this, right? I've earned the right to talk about this because I was that guy. I was frustrated. You know, I remember, you know, had my first you know, million dollar year, the million dollar month, the million dollar weekend, the million dollar day. None of that made me feel any better. And you know, I was just on this path, like Tony Robbins talks about, where you know, success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And and so by by learning to accept, by increasing self-worth, by realizing that I am enough, I am worthy, and that's what I help you know high achievers with as well. And I talk a lot about that. There's a lot of free content on my Instagram about that. Or of course, they can direct message me.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Absolutely. I'll be sure to include that link in the uh description of this podcast episode. Make sure you connect with Lin uh with uh Ray. I thoroughly enjoyed uh being able to connect with them. I found you on a Facebook ad, I think. And you're also like that guy I thought that I've met before in the past, but I never really met you. Uh one of those deals happens all the time in life. So it's great to finally be connected uh with you here. And I really enjoyed our conversation. I appreciate you taking some time uh out of your day to hang out with me. And if you're listening to this thinking, hey, I want to connect with Ray, you're gonna be able to do just that. That'll be uh the link in the description of this podcast episode. Any final thoughts for our listeners, Ray?

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Yeah, just just know that you know you you can you can go to anywhere you want from wherever you are. And you know, if I can go from you know, foreclosure dead broke, you know, divorce on the buddy's couch to you know generating tens of millions of dollars, um if I can go from frustrated and hustle grind and not present with my kids to you know feeling more joy than ever before, then you know anyone else can do that too. And so stay on, stay on the path. Um, you know, keep going within uh as you try to make yourself feel better by acquiring outside. It that's usually not the model for success. It's more about becoming familiar with what's who you are, right? Like you started off with, uh, who is you know Sebastian. And so you you figure that out and and then you're able to navigate to a place that you really love.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Absolutely. Thanks again, right? I really enjoyed our conversation. We'll have to be back on the show sometime. I appreciate your time. Thanks for having me. Until next time, friends. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story Podcast. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. Be sure to appreciate it. Signing off from the podcast, launchlab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.