LIFE SUCKS! (if you don't do the work)

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. I want to talk about life a little bit because life has a lot to do with podcasting. But again, today we're not going to talk about podcasting. I just want to talk about life for a minute. The first thing that comes to mind to me when I think about life, well, there's several things, but the first is it not being fair. Of course, life is not fair. Well, because there was never a mention of fair. Life is always unpredictable, which means there's not really any room or space available for safe. We create that based on our attitude. We create that based on how we show up, but by no stretch of the imagination was there ever a mention of easy. I often joke when people say, well, this just doesn't seem normal. Why is this happening to me? And I joke that normal is a setting on your dryer. Very, very true. I've often heard it said too, life isn't fair. And I thought to myself, or or even better, life is hard. And I think compared to what? Life isn't fair. You know what? You're right. Fair is a place where we ride Ferris wheels and we eat funnel cakes.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

We try to throw the little ping pong ball in and win the fish. That's fair. Let's talk about what we can control with this whole idea of well, life isn't fair. Life just sucks sometimes, pun intended. Maybe the title of my third book. But I I I think we we put what we put in the backseat is what's possible. When life shows up, life really shows up out of the blue, just blindsides us and just completely spins our head. 2020, great example of that. Did anyone see this coming? No, we didn't. But we quickly found ourselves in it. Quickly found ourselves scurrying, innovating, stretching to figure it out. Sure, 2020 has been crazy, and so's the latter part of 2021 for most of us. But there does seem to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel, although it's an it's a new light, it's a new, it's a new, it's a new version of the light. But we've adapted because that's what we do. So how many times in your life does does life show up and you have a conversation with yourself and you say, hold on a second here? I I I I for sure have one thing that's choice. And in my opinion, having choice is extremely powerful. What's next after having choice? Well, awareness. Awareness of what's possible.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

It took me a long time to learn the idea and the notion that anything is possible, but only 100% of the time.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Now I believe thinking about what's possible and leaning into what's possible is so much easier to do in the present. Sure as heck doesn't matter tomorrow when we think about what's possible today. Looking at yesterday about what's possible. Well, we've already moved on to a new day. Yesterday will never happen again. We're going through this thing called life one time. And that rattles my cage, especially as I continue to get older. I feel 25, even though I'm 42, I feel 25. Age simply is a number. I do firmly believe that. However, I think it's human nature to start to have that mortality talk with ourselves. Because when we're in our 20s, you think you're going to live forever, even into your 30s, too. Teenager, forget about it. You're not going to tell us anything. But as we continue to grow up, I think that the reality of, hey, we just got one shot at this thing called life. What are you going to do about it? I just can't fathom seeing a life filled with playing the victim. Oh, have I been there? It took me 35 years for me to wake up, if you will, wake up and say, hey, hey, maybe, maybe there is some stuff that hasn't been talked about. Maybe there are some conversations that have not been had. And sometimes when we don't want to address whatever past trauma or past challenges that we've had, unresolved stuff. When we don't address these things and we don't search for them so that we can heal them, well, they find us and they show up in other forms. And then we sit there and we wonder what happened. I think it was Tommy LaSorda, God bless his soul, that uh that that once said, some people make it happen, some people watch it happen, and some people say, What happened? So I think if we look at what those categories really mean for our life, it brings some awareness into where we're at. It creates a space for us to open up an area of awareness that wasn't currently there. Over the past five years, I've been doing some very, very deep work to better understand how I operate, how I tick, and what the last 42 years have actually looked like and what's shown up there. What's shown up there and what's been buried at the same time. Relationships are often based on our upbringing. We don't recognize the deficits within our upbringing. Maybe you had a phenomenal upbringing. That doesn't mean there isn't some sort of disappointment or upsets there. That doesn't mean there was something off that created a void. And that void then created a belief, and that belief was then carried into a story that you were convinced was true. If that's not scary enough, we then start to enroll people in that process. Very messy, very, very um mind-boggling thing to wrap your head around.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

So ask yourself a simple question. What does this mean? But don't get stuck there. Also ask yourself, is this true?

SPEAKER_00 6:42

I learned going through an extensive program about four years ago. Maybe it was five years ago, it's 2021. And I'll never forget the instructor saying, how we do one thing is how we do everything. If you're unsure about what to put in your coffee, you're probably unsure about your life. If you are late to a meeting, you're probably late to every aspect of your life. If you can't easily make decisions, if you are fully consumed in analysis, paralysis constantly, your life probably operates that way. I'll never forget saying in the middle of the training, because there's a lot of resistance, specifically for an over-the-top, excitable guy like myself. I don't need to be here. I don't have any problems. There's nothing to address. There's no past. It's just right now. Oh, contraire. And the craziest part about being in an environment like that is you're hearing other stories from other people. And all of a sudden you say, gosh, that's me. I'm really grateful for those experiences, although extremely painful. I want to say one of the most painful experiences that I've ever gone through. But what's more painful? Becoming who you were designed to be, or staying where you are. I read a book called Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by a guy named Jim Sabala. It's a story of the Brooklyn Tabernacle being built and created, which was no easy task. Church is still there in Brooklyn and a classic theater. But I'll never forget reading this one line, and I'm going to summarize it because I don't have it right here in front of me. But it said something to the effect of my biggest life's fear is that my life would pass me by without God using me mightily on his behalf. That resonated deep with me. Because I'm thinking, wait a second, we only got one shot at this. How incredible would it be for the outcome to be that? Figuring out our own inconsistencies and our own bullshit, for lack of a better phrase, is a one-man show. It's a one-woman show. It's a one-person show. There's no shrinks going to talk you out of it. You're not going to think yourself out of it. You're not going to personal develop yourself out of it. You're not going to walk on fire out of it. You're not going to ignore it away, sleep it away, drink it away, smoke it away. It's just not going to. It's going to, in fact, in fact, the more aware you become of your ways of being and what's produced where you're currently at right now, the more stuff continues to show up if you allow it. There's many vices in this world and many ways to escape. And unfortunately, a majority of the world embrace those vices, unfortunately. Going through this life like a zombie, just coasting. I'll never forget an example used by the brilliant Gary John Bishop in my landmark forum course some eight years ago. Most of us are going through life in what he referred to as the drift. If you think about a piece of wood being thrown into a river, it operates significantly different than a canoe would or a kayak would with two people in it, or a boat even would, being able to direct it left to right, side to side. Oh no, a piece of wood just simply drifts from side to side, forward, backward, with no absolute direction. Is that not a petrifying feeling to know that a majority of the world operates in the drift? We've just got our blinders on. We're numb to our emotions. We refuse to accept reality as reality. And my goodness, you're going to ask me to go back and look. I'm not doing that. Why? Because that peak behind the curtain is not only painful, but it's scary. But that pain and that fear and that and that scariness is there for a reason. Something's knocking. The question is, are you willing to open the door and see what's on the other side of it? Just like the show Let's Make a Deal. You can take the free car right now, or you can take your happy life right now, where you grab that broom and pick up that rug often and you just sweep it right under. Or, or we've got door number two. And behind that door, well, it could be a can of baked beans, be a million dollars. How does that analogy match in our lives? Well, behind that door could just be that very next step, right? Who doesn't like baked beans? But behind that door also could be that million-dollar prize, that million-dollar life. I just know that wherever it is that you want to go, the only way you're going to get there. And I speak from experience and current experience. I'm talking like today, current, living it, walking through it, making a decision to be able to just get up and say, I'm going to put one foot in front of the one foot in front of the other, regardless of what's taking place, regardless of my circumstances, regardless of the fact that I just got fired, regardless of the fact that my husband just left me, regardless of the fact that my teenager's rebelling, regardless of the fact that, dang it, life just isn't the way I want it.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

So what? What are you going to do about it?

SPEAKER_00 12:00

There's never a mention of easy. That's a gut-wrenching reality. It really, really is. I'm not here to preach. I'm just here to share my story. I'm here to share my experience because I'm thinking to myself, holy cow, uh, as a as a human being, how in the world could I be the only person that experiences disappointment, frustration? You know how frustrated I was for the first 10 years of starting my business? And it wasn't frustrated about my business. It was frustrated, it was like a conglomerate of comparison, envy, discouragement, the feeling of I'll absolutely never get there. Most days I would wake up and say, I just want to quit. Thank God my head said I want to quit, but my spirit said never. No one cares if you get out of bed. No one cares if you build that business.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

No one cares if you make that phone call and fix it. Nobody cares. The only person that cares is you.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

If you decide to, there's power in you showing up as 100% your authentic self. You can call that woo-woo. You can call it new world. Societal pressures will tell you that you're freaking crazy because you've decided to take a closer look inside and be able to heal some things that may not yet have been healed, but still affect your life every single day. Societal pressure was like those closest to you, your family, your friends, social media, the opinions of others. I don't know the last time the opinions of others got you out of bed in the morning. And I don't know how I don't know, other than having a positive impact and giving you an opinion on what's possible. One of the most powerful powerful things I've ever been asked when I responded to something and said, I just don't care.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

I just don't give a crap. To which that person responded, where else does that show up in life? Fight or flight.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

That's how our brain operates. It's designed to protect us. Fight or flight. Whatever doesn't feel safe, defense mechanism up and we run. Now, what does it look like when things don't feel safe? Things get real uncomfortable. We get those sweaty palms, we get that holy cow, we get that unfamiliar.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

What happens then? It gets a little crazy. It does. What if we just stopped for a second? Stopped and said, What else does this mean?

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Who am I trying to be right now? Better question, too. Very powerful question. Very powerful question. What am I trying to be right about? The need to be right is so strong, it causes wars, it divides, it breaks relationships, it divides business partners. The need to be right. Today I invite you to consider the idea of being able to wave your desire to be right and see what shows up. What's on the other side of waving your right to be right? I've often found in my life, especially as of recent, that the more I go in into Sebastian, into myself, into really discovering what's possible and what shows up, as I as I start to attack and address these things in a positive manner, call it healing, call it forward progress. I don't care what you call it, it's called doing the work. Another thing that the societal pressures of friends, family, and those closest to you will tell you that you're absolutely crazy about. You know why? Because it's ridiculously alarming to them. Even the thought of going in and looking at some messy stuff with themselves, nine times out of ten. You see, we're all mirrors here with each other. We're here just to teach each other based on what shows up. I meet you, you meet me, what shows up for you, what shows up for me has nothing to do with you. Those are just signs and that little knock on the door for us to take a closer look. How we do one thing is how we do everything. And if you don't go all the way back to the first time you ever experience pain, a traumatic experience, you don't go back and and and tell yourself the truth, it's never gonna make sense. You're not gonna pray your way out of it, run your way out of it, work out your way out of it, clean, eat, clean your way out of it. You're not unless you just go back and say, hey, listen, I'm willing to explore what took place, even the painful stuff. Because guess what's ever? Whatever's on the other side of that painful stuff, man. When you say the promised land, you begin to feel good. You're not ashamed of your past. Your past is unfortunate and it took place. I would never discount it. I wouldn't want to discount my own past. It's unfortunate. But it just happened. It's not who you are today. It doesn't define who you are today. And it most certainly doesn't define where you're going. I feel very, very strong about that. I share all these things because these are the things that I've been primarily focused on for the past five years. When I decided to put the correct blinders on, the blinders of figuring out what self-love looks like, the blinders of going in and saying I'm willing to face the mess that I've created in my life without beating myself up about it.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Get upset, get angry, cry about it, be depressed. But I implore you to not stay there. What's the world missing out on by you being in your own way?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

That's a big honest conversation I have with myself consistently. Every time I slip into that pity party mode, poor me.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Why me? It never works out. It's noise. Noise. More importantly, it makes me a taker.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

And I never want to live my life knowing I'm a taker. I never want to live my life knowing that because I'm stuck in my own shit, someone else is missing out on me pouring into their life. Not saying I'm the end-all, be all. But I'm a pretty encouraging human being. And I love pouring into people's lives as much as I possibly can. And I'm not able to do that when I'm stuck in my own way. I was in my own way for five years when I started my business in 2010. In my own way, full of self-hate and unresolved issues.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Did it all go away?

unknown 19:26

No.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Am I magically healed? Depends what you define as healed. I believe that the work we do on ourselves to become the best version of ourselves is a lifetime work. A lifetime. So what happens when you're able to heal through all these things? And what happens when you're able to arrive, if you will? Well, then you're able to pass these things on to other people. Never in a million years did I think that I would go live on Facebook and on LinkedIn, live, unscripted, no notes, just my heart, my head, and my mouth to be able to communicate some of the experiences that I've had over the past five years. Because I'm thinking, holy cow, if it worked for me, what does it look like for other people? What does it look like for people that are in the drift? A lot of people are. Majority of people are. Life has really shown up. That Cinderella marriage didn't work out. Now you find yourself alone. Back to square one. Listen, it's only square one because you call it square one. I believe it's the next chapter. I believe that one thing had to happen in order for the next thing to happen. I really honestly believe that. I really do. So the next time you're down on yourself, ask yourself a simple question.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

What else does this mean? An even braver question to ask what's showing up.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Amazing what happens. You lay down on a yoga mat for a few minutes and just close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and allow yourself to just feel whatever you need to feel.

unknown 21:15

I know.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Scary. Terrifying. I might start crying.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

I might get angry. Good. My breath work practitioner always tells me, Sebastian, stay with it. Stop avoiding. Stay with it. So easy to escape. So easy to run. To be a big runner, not physically, but emotionally. It's easier to just dip. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. Take a pill, drink a beer, whatever it is. Work, play golf, escape, escape, escape, escape. Listen, they're going to continue to stockpile and show up. The second you've been able to identify, but maybe there's something else there that I need to look at. Maybe, maybe, maybe there is something else there that is useful. Well, then things start to make sense a lot more. Every single answer you're looking for, I believe God has instilled in our hearts and within us. And for good reason. For us to be able to go in and say, what's showing up? What's there? What we can feel, we can heal. Another new world woo-woo term. Take it as you will. Just my hope you took one thing from this, just one thing that allowed you to think differently about what's possible. The good news is God's in the business of blowing our minds. And I'm not here to preach. I'm not here to speak at you. I'm here to talk with you. I'm here to encourage you to stay the course. Trust the process and realizing you've made it this far. What's possible next? What's possible with going in and having some honest conversations with yourself? True healing really begins with the truth. And that truth is being able to tell ourselves the truth. It's a very scary, scary place. But there's power in it.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

There's also power in getting up, dusting yourself off. Don't forget. Just keep moving. If no one's told you lately, yes, you can.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Whatever you're looking to do. Quit that job, leave that relationship, start that business, write that book, start that podcast. Yes, you can. All of us have been told at some point in time, somewhere along the line, that we can't do something. And unfortunately, we believed them. I'm here to tell you today, yes, you can. Thanks for listening to me chat for a few minutes here. I hope that you're leaving this video different in one form or fashion. I'd love to hear your feedback and comments below. If you have any questions or anything you'd like to connect further, I'd love to chat about that. We're going to be starting some newer series more about life, not just business. Business has a lot to do with life. But I've been on a crazy, crazy, crazy wild ride for the past five years, and I would be grossly negligent not to share it with the people that I love and care about. Wish you guys the best and have a happy, happy Friday and incredible weekend. It's March Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story Podcast. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. Be sure to appreciate it. Signing off from the podcast, LaunchLab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.