From Pain To Podcast - The Shay Rowbottom Show

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. And now, Sebastian F. Hey, what's happening, everybody? Welcome to the show. I really appreciate you taking some time out of your day to listen to me. Chat about things that I find interesting that I hope you'll find interesting. This show is brought to you by my friends at Self Publishing School.com. I'm currently writing my second book with Self Publishing School. They've got an incredible program. They they put over 2,000 people a year through their program. That means 2,000 people a year are writing a book with their proven system and program. You too can write a book just like I am. Find out more information. Schedule a free consultation call with a book launch specialist just like I did. And uh you too could be making your book dreams come true. More information at self publishing school.com forward slash beyond the story. What's up, party people? Welcome to the show. I gotta tell you, I'm so excited about this episode. I'm excited about every episode, but I'm even more excited about this episode. It's my dear friend and now client, the one and only Miss Shay Robot. She was in the studio in fact our first interview in the podcast launch lab studio back in January of this year, 2020, if you're listening to this in 2023. And we developed a great relationship since that interview, and she had a burning desire about a month and a half ago to tell the story of her traumatic childhood. And she wanted to do that through means of starting a podcast. So she called me and said, I want to hire you. I need to get this podcast launched. It's gonna be special. I know exactly what I want to talk about. Next thing I know, she's unpacked eight episodes for the launch. We normally launch five, she launched eight and got real raw, honest, and authentic with uncovering the traumatic childhood of abuse that she went through and how she was able to heal from that, and now how her story is going to help impact others and leave this world just a little bit different than how she found it. Friends, please help me welcome back to the show the one and only Shea Robottom. Waiting for the red light here. Last time I was already live. There we go. There we go. Dave here, ladies and gentlemen. I told you we were doing I told you in my in my best DJ Khaled voice. I told you we were up to something. Yeah. I told you we the best. We the best.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

We the best LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

This is not only uh music that won't get us banned on all platforms that we're live streaming on, but this actually is the background music for the Shay Robottom show, which I'm extremely stoked about. Shea Robotom, what's up, girl?

SPEAKER_03 3:03

What is up? Thanks for having me, Sebastian. Thank you for helping me with the launch.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Hold on a second. My volumes are all messed up. There we go. Yeah, we're jamming. How do I turn this down?

unknown 3:17

All right.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Well, I just turned it off. There we go. Yeah. I was turning you, I was turning the music down, and I was turning you down at the same time. What's up, Shea Robottom?

SPEAKER_03 3:25

What is up, my guy? Thank you so much. Thank you for helping with this launch, for helping to get my story out there. I know I had a I had a little bit of doubt. So it's cool being on the other side because normally I coach people on LinkedIn video, like you just gotta go for it, just release it, just jump off the cliff. But I've never done a podcast before, so then you became the coach. You became the like, oh, don't be a perfectionist. Let's just go, let's just launch. And um, thank you so much because it's out, and um, couldn't have done it without you, my guys. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

The Shea Robottom show is actually a thing now. It used to be like an idea. In fact, you know, it wasn't too long ago that you sat not too far from me here in the incredible podcast launch lab studio.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Right, right, exactly. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

We how we connected was just completely wild and could not happen on any other level other than just magical, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:17

That was that was pure manifestation on your part, dude. Like you you killed it.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Let's let's let's back up and help everybody understand uh what a mild psycho I was trying to get you on the show. So I reached out to you and it was ignored message after ignored message because well, you're a busy girl and you're missed delegation too. So I would always run into your team. Then your team sent me this everlasting gobstopper form to fill out and like application for you to be on the show. And I was like, I don't know if I want to work that hard. You know, ego stepped in a little bit, and then with our good friend Um Dominic, uh, we're talking about launching his show. Shout out to Healer Ology, and um we uh also uh he was telling me, you know, I'm working with this LinkedIn influencer, and I'm like, I don't know if you could tell me or not, but is her name Shay? And he's like, he looked at me like, How did you know that? I'm like, no, let me let me back up. Yeah, I've been trying to get this girl on my show for a minute here, and then literally a day later, it was new appointment requests from Shay.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

I'm his client. I was his client. It was like you were trying to get in contact with me, and then all of a sudden your neighbor is like, Oh, well, one of my clients is a LinkedIn influencer, and like, you know, and uh you're like, is it Shay? And he's like, Yeah, and then like there's what are the odds? I think that's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

It really is, but you know, manifestation. I'm learning a lot more about that in my you know, my in my my late year of 41. That uh, you know, the the more you think about and believe in something actually happening, I'm living that right now with the world of podcasting, yeah, the more it starts to happen. And you and I have had the just a unique opportunity to build not only a great um business relationship, but also a great friendship too. I just consider you're you're you're part of the inner circle, and that very rarely happens within a six-month time period, but it just goes to show that when we've got the same powerful people in our life that impact our lives in both the same and different ways. Um, it's really incredible. Shout out to Gina too. I met Gina my gym two years ago, and then from there I met Dom later on at a gathering pad and then found it.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

And what's so amazing is when you started showing me your content, it was like so clear that you'd been like stalking me because your videos were like Shay videos, and you didn't even buy my boot camp. You were just like you were just like in it, like studying me, reverse engineering it for yourself. And I remember being like, damn, your videos are really good. Like you were starting with the headline right away, it was no bullshit. Like, I was really impressed, so that was cool to see. Like, I don't always see all of my fans and how I affect them, you know, unless they become clients and we're a little close more closely connected, but uh well hey, you know, sure my camera just completely hating me today. What what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 6:50

I know, dude. My camera hates me.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

It said this dude is ugly. I'm about to turn this shit out.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

I don't know what here. Let me let me switch.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

A no thank you.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Yeah, really. My goodness. That's okay. It could just be me. No, we're cool. We're gonna start.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

We got multiple cameras on I like the blue light in the background. I didn't notice that before.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

I was gonna do yellow because of while she shines, but um that's okay. I I did it.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Blue is blue is throat chakra, and I'm opening up with my story, so that's like it's very fitting.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Hey, hey, listen, all the all the relevant relevant information are right here at your fingertips, uh, ladies and gentlemen. So we talked it, you were on the show previously to me, rebranding it is beyond the story. So I'm really excited for you to be back on the show. Welcome back to the show, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Right, we're gonna have a we're gonna have a way. You thought the last combo was raw. Now we're gonna really get into we're we're getting to that, we'll get into it.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Well, we can't we can't give it all away because then we need people to go listen to the podcast. So that's right, that's right. That's the way that's got to go down here. But uh you had quite the journey, when not only yourself. We talked a little bit about it at the last interview, which was you know, I had a I was in a crazy time three years ago, and I just decided to let it all out and air out where I was at with my depression and life, etc. And people started to resonate with it. And after that happened, I was able to build a following on on top of that. But that was only a small little sliver of the story. Your story began like most of ours did way back when, when we were children, and yours wasn't as as as delightful and bright as as one child would would wish and hope for. I think you know, I that the day that you were in the studio back in January, and we uh uh you were on your way out, and I said, Hey, you may want to think about starting a podcast. I think you'd really crush it. And you were kind of like, Yeah, yeah, I mean, you had a lot going on. It was like, yeah, it's in the car, you'll think about it, this, that, and the other. And then as you really started to think about, you know, what does it look like now that I've been able to begin to heal um some things from my past? What does it look like to start to talk about these things? And then you immediately called me with a level of enthusiasm and passion like I've never seen out of you. And I've got a story to tell. Yeah. So let's chat about that for a minute.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Well, that was the thing. I didn't actually think I was gonna come forward. I wanted to release a podcast. My followers have been asking me for a long time, like literally, like over a year, people have been asking me, like, where's your podcast? Where's your podcast? Um, I finally buckled down and said, Okay, it's time for me to create a podcast. And I sat down to write it and it just like it's like sucked. And that like hardly ever happens with me. Like, I always have creativity flowing through me, always ideas, always feel really good when I'm in like writing mode, creative mode. And I just something felt so off about the podcast I was creating. I just felt like it was not the most value that I could be providing. And I was like, Well, what do you really want to talk about, Shay? And then it hit me like, Well, I want to share my story, and then it gets scary, right? Because you're like, whoa, and you start to think about like all the things like that are really going on that you've not shared with your audience.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

And I'm I really want to relive this, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:50

Oh, yeah. And I totally relived it, writing it out. I cried a bunch, I got sick, like I had it was like a spiritual experience creating the podcast, but also very healing for me. So yeah, it just hit me. I called Sebastian, I said, I'm gonna use this podcast to tell my story. That's what it's gonna be. And he was like, All right, let's do it, let's go. And I was like, All right, let's go. And I know it took longer than you wanted. I was like, you know, I was really taking my time with some of the episodes. It was uh, it was emotional, you know. I had to get a lot out, I had to process a lot.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

I thought maybe you're gonna say, Hey, I want to start a podcast. Your team reached out, booked a time to chat, and then you text me. And I thought, well, I guess we're gonna talk about you know LinkedIn and we're gonna talk about marketing. Boy, was I wrong. Because you came back and were just ridiculously um enthusiastic, uh, and very like, you know, we we joke around a lot, right? So this was like straight face, like, I need to tell my story type deal. And I was like, Oh, she's not she's not kidding. Like, there's actually a story gonna be about marketing or anything near. And the reason that I well, this is important because it's all part of the show, but you're not the only one that's walked through these doors and said, Hey, listen, uh, this this show is going to be something very substantial in my life that's going to help and improve other people's lives. And and it's at that moment I started to realize, and I think I've told you this before that and I wrote this in my post yesterday when I talked about this live. I had no idea what I was getting into four years ago. I thought it was just helping people create content through another means of a platform like you're actually doing work that that matters, right? So, you know, you you you you texted me the other night and said we're about to change the world, brother. And and I could not agree more with that because I believe that stories tell and and facts sell, and those two things go hand in hand with both life and and with business. So you and I met back at the end of January, and then you called me what, about a month and a half ago, and we're all gun ho about the podcast. Let's get rocking and rolling. What when did the shift happen? When did you start to go? You know what? Something's showing up that I need to to address what I've been through, and then on both sides, so that I can help other people where it's at. Walk us through that real quick.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Yeah. Um, so uh I planned and I have now, I plan to start a healing company where I want to, in addition to you know, just having the marketing business, start providing healing services, start coaching people, um, sharing more personal development content, spirituality, uh, all of the things that you've really seen me already touch on on my blog over the course of the past couple of years, just redirecting my brand so that I'm more positioned as an uh authority in the healing and personal development space because I've done so much work on myself. And in tandem with that, I realized, you know, um, I could be a lot more effective if I can also share what I've been through. Like why, how, why am I even interested in healing in this way? How did I even get to this point in my life? Um, so when I sat down to write the podcast, the podcast was always going to be about healing. Like I didn't plan for it to be about marketing, anyways. I planned for it to be about personal development, bringing on really conscious leaders, thought leaders, talking about um the issues and the dysfunction of society today, how we can improve it.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Conspiracy theories.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Yes, conspiracy theories are very, very healthy. I like to call that thinking for yourself is conspiracy theories. Um so I realized when I was sitting down um that I just I wasn't being authentic. Like I wasn't like I was sharing, I was like, oh, we're gonna talk about healing. It's really important, you know. And like I have shared one with my following about like, oh, my parents are narcissists, and I grew up with narcissistic abuse, but not the details of what, and also not the darkness that I'd been to, you know. It was more like, well, I've had depression and I've struggled with depression, but um all of the other things that I was into, uh my following did not know about. And I just decided, you know what? Everyone has a dark past, everyone has something they'd rather not share. I finally began to heal when I got real with myself about my past and started to A, remember what had happened to me um during my childhood, and and B, just started owning everything I'd been through and talking about it and being more open about it, with not my following yet, but like just my friends and people around me. Um and so I sat down to write the podcast and I just realized, you know what, it's time. It was like I got the call. It was like God told me, like, you need to share this now. Like, now is the time to share this. I think it literally had to do with coronavirus and like all these shifts happening in the world, a lot of information coming forward about the pedophilia rings in like the government in Hollywood. I believe all that's real. Um, and uh I believe that I have something to contribute to that conversation to let people know how um uh wounding this treatment of children really is and how deep the scars can go and um start to change the conversation around parenting and start to really understand, you know, why are we feeding off of children? Why are we such a wounded society that in mass people are gaining? And I go more into like this and what it means. If you don't understand this lingo, just check out the show and follow me. But people are essentially using children as a narcissistic uh supply because people are so wounded. Most adults they never were taught how to regulate their own emotions. Uh, they don't even really know who they are because they come from a childhood of abuse. They go out into the world and and are just unconscious, just repeating the programming that they were taught. And what happens is people cannot create their own energy. People cannot create their own self-love. People cannot create, they're not soothing, they're not able to soothe themselves. So they um need other people to reflect back to them, to feed off of other people. And that's what you hear when you know you talk talk to your girlfriends, like, oh, I had to lose that guy. He was sucking my energy, you know, he was an energy vampire, this and that. Like, that is narcissism. That is people who are so wounded, they have to go outside of themselves to get a supply to feed themselves, to give them uh energy. And I believe that this is happening in mass with children. Children are the purest form of love and light and energy. Children come into this world, they're not hateful, they're not racist, they're not, you know, depressed. Like children are the purest form. Um, so if you have an adult that hasn't owned their own shit and hasn't dealt with themselves and their own triggers, they don't understand their own insecurities, they are going to be very prone, whether conscious or unconscious, whether overt or covert, like is it overt abuse like hitting the kid, or is it psychological abuse like a look or a shaming that you do to the kid? But um basically they derive from this child an energy source because they themselves are not whole and complete because they never learned how to be. So this is a lot of what I've studied, and people um now will know why, because of my own childhood and what I went through with my parents, really understanding on a deep level um the abuse that goes on in our world toward children. We need to redirect the way that we treat children, all of us. You know, if we really, really focus, get conscious, and have one generation of hyper-educated parents who own their stuff, stop repeating this cycle of narcissistic, shame-based parenting, and we raise one generation of children who are taught that it is safe to be them, that it is safe to be um trusting of their own gut, that it is uh that love is unconditional, that they don't need to perform, do, achieve for their parents to give them love. I mean, game over for the rest of the world. All we need to do is raise one generation of kids who receive that sort of parenting instead of this shame-based parenting, which has been so normalized in society. And I and I, like I said, it's not always overt. I'm not saying all parents hit their kids or molest their kids, but there it's a it's a it's a mindset, it's a programming of like, you know, I want my kid to be a certain way for me so they can supply my energy. It's not really about the kid and what's best for them. As soon as we flip that and um start to teach parents how to be conscious about how they treat their children and what we're actually setting up the next generation for, all of this shit, all of this depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide, all of that goes away. Um, it starts with teaching kids to love themselves, and we need to be start being real about the abuse of children that's been going on for a really long time in this world.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

And I think it's really generational because and it's gotten in, you know, it's it's still crazy, and all the things that you've mentioned uh that still exist today are are absolute just tragedy and things definitely need to be addressed and in and change. And it and it can happen. But I think when we look back on like I was raised in the 80s, you know, and you know, the generations before that didn't have a voice. That's just the way that it was. It was very rare that mommy and daddy had an open door policy where you could come in and we can talk about good, bad, or different. When you got in trouble, we're gonna address it there. It was literally speak when spoken to, and if you have something to say, you're gonna get knocked out. I mean, I grew up getting the shit beat out of me just because yeah, I was a hyper kid, but I also was raised by a father that didn't have a voice either and was raised in a similar environment where do as I say, not as I do. And if you open your mouth about it, you're gonna get it twice as bad. And you know, it I'm glad all that took place. Yeah, all of it happened because I have a 19-year-old uh that is the absolute love of my life, and I spent 19 years, or still I'm still I didn't spend any amount of time, but it's been 19 years that I've been raising her, and she is an exceptional human being, and I and I contribute a lot of that to me not applying the same bullshit that I was victim to that was traumatic as a childhood. It's taken me 40 fucking years to work through, right? Yeah, uh, and and and therapy and personal development and breath work and Dr. Canale. Dr. Canale, yes. Shout out to Dr.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

But and yeah, and that's and that's really the thing is um it's just a repetition compulsion. These parents they don't know any better, it's how they were raised, right? And it takes a lot of putting down your ego and your righteousness to say, I'm not gonna repeat that pattern anymore. You know, the energy that I always received from my mom was like, Well, I always lived for my mom, so it's your turn now. You know, now you get to live for me. And I I broke that cycle.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

I was or break the cycle, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:09

Yeah, I was like, no, like this is wrong. I'm gonna, you know, but it's this, it's this entitlement that they feel because it's the way they were raised. They feel like, well, I was a servant, I was a slave to my parents, your turn now. So it takes a really um, it takes being the bigger person to end that cycle to say, you know what, I had a shit childhood, but that doesn't give me the right to just continue this. I'm going to suck it up, do the healing, do the breath work, do all the things that my parents didn't do so that I can create a better life for my child. Um, it takes owning that. And I love what you said about the previous generations. I agree. I think it was a lot harder for them. I have a lot of compassion for my parents for the generation they came from because therapy was shameful. You know, yeah, therapy was taboo. Any like, any like, oh, I have mental mental illness, like that was like a big no no. It's to the point now in society where so many people are mentally ill, we can't hide it anymore. It's like, dude, it's all of us. You know, we need we need to wake up and get real that like we are all been contributing to this. Um, and that's why I'm really proud to be part of like the generation that just owns it. You know, look at the meme culture. It's literally just millennials making fun of how broken they are. Like we're very out in the open about our shortcomings. And so I found a lot of compassion for my parents because um they didn't really grow up with the internet. They didn't really grow up in a time where people started to wake up to like, oh, I'm not alone. Like, I'm not shameful. This is normal. And I got to grow up in that environment where I was on the internet, I was connecting with other trauma survivors, I was doing research, I was finding breath work, plant medicines, body work, all these modalities that could help heal me. And I see that the older generation just didn't always have access to those things.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Well, what you nailed it. It was shameful. We don't do that. We don't do this. Like I you and I have had this conversation before the first time you're on the show, but I grew up in a Southern Baptist household, which is terrible, right? Uh it and it's well, when I say terrible, it's you know, it's it's it's it's it's the epitome of shame and it's and then and and hypocrisy and guilt and guilt too. I'm a recovered, I'm a I'm a recovered Baptist, but I I think that um it it it enables us to and I I I also don't think that this new generation, my daughter's generation specifically, is not buying into any of this bullshit from the past. We had a conversation the other day. I go, could you imagine if we spent 18 years with me beating the shit out of you? Could you imagine that? And she looked at me like, I I know that happens, but no, right, no, I couldn't. Yeah, and we talked about it. We've talked about it. I try to we try to have open conversations as as frequently as possible, which contributes to exactly what we're talking about here. But you know, I brought something up about my dad a couple of weeks ago, and she goes, you know, how long are you gonna carry this? And I'm like, I'm not carrying anything, I'm just sharing with you, you know, what I've been through. But I thought at 19 years old, she's I mean, she's done a lot of work too for a 19-year-old. God bless her, you know. But um it it was I think the conversation has changed drastically. I don't think the kids you're raising these days, you're gonna lash out and beat the shit out of, you know, in in in just normal, it's just normal scene. These days they're like, I'll call the cops on you, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 24:11

Right, right. There's been a huge um shift in the uh way that we look at hitting kids. I think what's next, what people the next wave is like the more subtle abuse that's a little more hidden. Like, okay, hitting kids is wrong. This is ineffective. All the studies show it doesn't actually uh help with the self-esteem and the long-term well-being of the kid. But now it's people are waking up to narcissism because narcissism is very hidden. It's very hidden. It's very, oh, your mom's so loving. You know, she just she just wants you to get into a good school. You know, that can be true, but it can also just be narcissism. It can also just be she's she's trying to live through you, she's trying to impress her friends. So she wants her daughter to get into a good college, even if she can see right in front of her face that her daughter's miserable doing this path in life. It's not about the daughter, it's about the mom feeding herself, you know. So this narcissistic parenting, this shame-based parenting, it's very subtle. You know, it can literally be like just a look that a parent gives their kid. It can be uh verbal, the way that the parent talks to their kid and and and manipulates them into feed into being gaslighted and not trusting their gut, not trusting their intuition. So I feel like that's like the next, like everyone knows that hitting is wrong now, right? Everyone's kind of like, okay, we're gonna stop saying we're gonna stop hitting the kids. I think what's coming next is well, a all of the awareness around how many kids are actually sexually abused, right, and how many repress it because you kind of have to as a child, depending on the situation of the molestation and what you endured. But now there's a lot of awareness around just uh uh covert abuse toward kids and the energy behind the parent and what uh what do you really what are you really having kids for? You know, a lot of people have a kid for them.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

That's a whole other episode, yes. But yeah, yes, exactly. It really no, it really, really is. It's and I I think of that. I think it Steve Jobs had a quote that talked about, you know, if you're living your life based on someone else's opinion or for someone else, you know, that's dogma. So something that related to that. True. I think it's both, you know, and and my my boy Gary V has talked about this from the get about you know, I understand practicality. Graduate from high school, go to college because it's what you your parents want you to do. But sometimes, just sometimes, you're in high school and you got that fire idea and it's already on and popping before college. In fact, all the money that's saved for college to get contributed to that, and you could forever alter the path that you're currently on right now. So is practicality really, you know, that relevant and that and it's changing more and more as generations come in. And that's and more picture.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

And that's a huge part of it. Wounded individuals cannot see reality clearly. The more you heal, the more you become self-centered, aware, you know, the more that you do the work on yourself that um you don't have triggers, you're not reactive, you're operating from a place of love, you can see reality for what it is. You know, you can see reality clearly. So that's why when you see this whole reactive culture that we have where people are like, you know, this cancel culture, like unfriend me, un you know, block me if this is you, and like that's just a trauma response. That's literally just a bunch of wounded people who can't see reality clearly. So they're very reactive. They're not living objectively, they're not living practically, like you just said, you know, being practical about okay, what actually is in the best interest of my kid? How can I remove my own bias and look at things objectively? It takes a healed parent to even be able to operate from that place. And most people are simply wounded. They've never learned how to deal with their own uh issues, their regulate their own emotions. So they operate from this reactive, fear-based place, and it's all like a trauma response instead of for the highest good of this kid.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Right. Well, so I and I I had to, you know, I had to make the tough decision to to to love my dad from a distance, you know, a couple years ago. Yeah, me too. And I I I did that just because I it just it just felt healthier. I've tried several times to heal the relationship and been unsuccessful many times. And yeah, I went through the same thing, yeah. Like door slammed in your face, just just unsuccessful. And you've got to realize, and the only way I was able to work through that, and another thing that's coming with becoming more aware in these generations and individuals that that are that are beginning to think differently like like we do, is that sometimes when when we choose to love someone, whether it's a parent, a close friend, a relative, whatever it might be, when we choose to do that, we're we're actually extending compassion to them because I could not imagine being the individual that my father is with zero accountability, no ownership, and no responsibility whatsoever at all for emotions, for the past, or for anything except a consistent blame game. I would hate to be like that. You know, it's my hope and prayer that one day the the the light flips off and the light switch flips off and he goes, you know what? What have I been doing? But you know, if you wait around for that day, you're gonna set yourself up for more and more disappointment. People, you know, some people that would be taboo. What do you mean? You know, disassociate yourself from your inner family. Yeah, absolutely. Because they're also human beings, too. The same ones that can cause trauma inside or outside of your family are the ones that could be closest to you. And you know, there's it it is.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

I it is, it's always the family. I mean, I had someone share with me recently, they said if there was no family, there'd be no abuse. And I and I I mean it's it's true. These are the people that we have a blind spot for, that we have a biological connection to. So we'll shut off our own gut response of like, hey, I think I'm being abused by this person because, like, oh, but it's my mom, oh, but it's my sister, oh, you know, we make these excuses. It's not true at all. I went through the same thing you did, where I went this was with my mom specifically. I went back and forth for years, back and forth. Well, maybe it'll be different this time. Oh, maybe she really will support me this time. Maybe this won't end up with a manipulative, you know, it's all about serving her. Um, at a certain point, you just got to pull the plug. And I think it was the best thing I ever did for myself and the best thing I ever did for her. You know, I I don't expect her to heal. You know, I have no expectations about my parents ever coming around. I can hope for the best, but I I live in reality.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

But the truth is, by me not cutting her out and continuing to condone her behavior and put myself in the line of fire in a place that's not conducive for my well-being over and over again, I'm actually not doing her any favors either. You know, the the bat the one of my friends said to me once back when I was still grappling with a relationship, like, oh, I feel like I should be close to her, though. It's my mom. This is they said the best thing that you can ever do for her to wake up and see the truth and start facing herself is to cut her out. Right. You know, like is to cut her off. You know, maybe it's not a guarantee, but maybe, just maybe, now that I've set that boundary, it'll cause her to go within and really think about what did I do to create a mother-daughter relationship that that has manifested this now in Shay's adult life. Um, so I think that's a perspective that a lot of people don't always see. But for me, for my personal healing, that was I needed to cut out my family, no doubt. So I just want to give you props with your dad and everything because I know how hard it is. And it was the victim thing with me too. Both of my parents, the victim thing, I was a victim. I couldn't take responsibility for anything. I was constantly blaming others, constantly looking for things in my external world to validate that I was a victim. And then I and then as soon as I started to get conscious of it, I was like, wait a minute, I'm becoming my parents. I'm repeating the pattern, you know. And it comes from a very real place because these people, like I said, they were all victims as children. We don't raise children properly. So people grow up feeling righteous, feeling like, oh, you know, they have this like revenge energy for the world. They don't even know why a lot of times, because something happened in their childhood, they were young, they probably forgot, maybe they repressed it where it's like gone completely from the psyche. Um, but the reality is that's in your body, that trauma stays with you. And if it's not addressed and dealt with, you will, as an adult, go into the world continuing to feel like a victim, continuing to hang on to this need to prove to everyone that I was so victimized until you really resolve what it is. So that's why I think my parents and many other parents out there have that energy of the blame game, never taking accountability, is because they actually were abused. Something did happen to them that they never got reparations for, they never got saved, and so they they grow up unconsciously, they might not even know what it is, but yeah, they feel like a victim and now they radiate that that energy.

unknown 33:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

And some people and I I honestly believe that some some people are beyond repair too. I believe that they are um no, I don't believe that.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

I think no one is beyond repair. It's just that we've created a society.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Maybe it appears that way.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

It appears as yeah, no, I mean, like, be realistic about the likelihood of someone repairing. I do think the more narcissistic someone is, the harder it becomes for them to heal. Um, but the reality is anyone is capable of healing anyone. I mean, a serial killer can come back from that. I believe that. It's the culture we've created, this punishment culture, this justice, you know, this like revenge culture of like, oh, these people are animals, throw them in a cage. Um, prison doesn't really rehabilitate anyone. It usually makes them a smarter criminal. Um, we don't really have a lot of resources to uh condone healing and to push healing. You know, we don't teach kids at a young age in school how to do breath work, how to regulate their emotions. It's just, it's not that healing isn't possible for these people. It's that we have not created a culture yet and a society yet, and that's shifting to really support healing and to really present enough modalities and enough professionals to heal these people. It's almost like the ratio of people who are healers and who understand how to heal and who have done their own work to the ratio of people that need healing has been way out of whack. You know, it's just been way out of balance, but it's shifting. And I do believe we're entering a world where healing is becoming a lot more mainstream. People are starting to get more honest with themselves about their own darkness, their own insecurities. What am I contributing to this toxic relationship I'm in? Not just, oh, I'm a victim. Oh, I'm a victim. My ex was a narcissist. Look, look at me, look at me, poor me. How did I manifest this? What is toxic in me that drew this man to attract me in the first place? I do believe we're creating a culture where people feel safer taking accountability, people feel safer to be wrong, and people feel safer to be vulnerable and out in the open so that they can heal.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Right. And you know, another thing Gary said too is that the internet will expose us all. And that's exactly what's taking place with everything from the Jeffrey Epstein to to the R. Kelly to the, you know, especially Oh my god, don't even get me don't even get me started on the R Kelly. My sister gave me a heads up and said, You have a daughter, I would caution you against watching that. I'm like, Yeah, I can't. I can't do any Jeffrey Epstein stuff. Did you see it? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

It was if anyone wants to learn about narcissism, watch surviving R. Kelly. That is. But then it's like, but then it's like, this is what I say on my podcast is um, and this is what Dominic taught me. You know, when you see a monster like R. Kelly, and you're just so like, oh that guy, like Satan, like he's the devil and all this, and I get it because he really did a number on these girls. Um try instead of always going to what's wrong with them, ask what happened to them.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Right.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

What happened to them? Why like something led there? Exactly. Monsters are created, not born. You know, something happened to them.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

Sure.

unknown 36:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

Again, that's where compassion comes in, where it's very difficult to be able to go and do. But you know, for those of you that may be listening or or or watching, whatever the case may be, and you've you've got a troubled relationship with somebody close to you. Um it is okay to to heal that that relationship by removing yourself from it in a very healthy space, which means you're not posting about it on Facebook, you're not making any extreme being a finalist with things and deleting and blocking and telling people about it. It's simply having a conversation with that individual in any form of communication and simply allowing them to better understand whether they are or not that you choose to love them from a distance. And it doesn't change the love that you have for them. Yeah, choose to love them for a distance because I found that my my enraged feelings, my my uh unsettledness, my uh you know, passive aggressiveness, my whatever it might be about my past was so much more um uh elevated before making the correct decisions. And it's been with friends, it's been with family members, it's been and it's happened you know a lot, but I'm also a firm believer that you know there are generational curses, and it's our responsibility as new generations to break these curses, whether they are financial, whether they are emotional, whether whatever it may be. That was a big thing for for me with my daughter is that you know, this whole scarcity mindset that I was that I was that I was grown, that I was taught and I was growing up, you know, you always had to have a coupon and you always wanted to cut a corner, and it's just cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, you know. And I had both ends of the spectrum. You know, my dad always wanted to cut the corner, and my mom said, you know, let's let's go to Disney World. So to be able to find a balance with all that, but more importantly, the scarcity side of things, and my and I'm proud to say that my daughter really has started actually at 16 working summer jobs, really been able to understand that's amazing, yeah, and finances and understand that life cost money and exactly life everything, but it helps a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

Right. And that's actually another that makes me think about another point you bring up, which is that like even if you went through abuse with someone, whether it's an ex, whether it's family members, there can be a lot of good that came from that person too. So instead of you know compartmentalizing and being like, well, they abused me, so they're all bad, I'm gonna write them off completely. And this is like some gratitude training stuff right here, is like, what how can you find the blessing in it? How can you find the good in it? Because I know for my upbringing, even though I did have a really rough childhood and my parents were very abusive, when you talk about the money thing, what you just said, cheap, cheap, cheap, I never had to deal with that. I never grew up with parents who said, Oh, we can't afford that. Oh, shut off the lights. You know, I never saw them struggling with bills. They were abundant, you know, they were entrepreneurs, they manifested money, they took us on vacation. And now as an adult, I see a lot of my adult friends struggle with money because they grew up with a mom who was always stressed about money, who was always this and that. So, like, there's good things that came from my parents, which that is one that I've come to have a lot of gratitude for is wow, pretty much my whole life I've always um uh I've manifested money and now I've manifested this business. And I I I know that the more I spend, the more I get back. I don't have this coupon clipping mindset. And that totally comes from your upbringing and how you saw your parents treat money. So um some some some narcissists out here, man, they know how to make money, Sebastian. That's all I'm saying. Oh, yeah, no, they they totally do.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

They totally do. I I was not raised in that in that environment at all. I had to figure it out on my own. And I I knew that I wanted to live an abundant life because I met a guy when I was 14 years old that was a family friend at my sister's, I think it was her her college graduation, and he had a he had a turquoise Corvette, and I'll never forget it. And I joked around like, hey Danny, can I take it for a spin? And he gave me the keys to it. And he was an attorney here in town in Miami, and he gave me the keys and he said, Well, first, we know a couple things. First of all, don't wreck it. And second of all, I'm letting you take this for a spin, you know, illegally, uh, because I want you to understand what's possible.

SPEAKER_03 40:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

If you go to if you go to work and you work your ass off, you can have anything in this world. And that guy literally created an animal. And then I would go to work for millionaire after millionaire after millionaire until one day I realized I I can I can be the boss now, you know, and entrepreneurship, you know, happened. But that I I had to, I had to, I had to pave my own way through that. And you brought up gratitude training. That was one of the last things I want to talk about because it was extremely impactful in my life. You know, I met a girl on Tinder and she swindled me into going, and I thought I'd all figured out, and I kicked and screamed all the way in the door, but I made it through the program, not all the way through, but for the first two parts, which I believe were.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

I did the first two parts too.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Yeah, that's that's up for another, that's another episode. Uh it is, yeah. Here's one thing that I recognized, and I'll never forget it when that I got really frustrated with somebody who was in the class with me. And of course, you know, if you show any type of like emotion outside of what the direct conversation in, you're just a target for the next night, you're for the next microphone conversation. Like, hey, let's get a microphone, let's talk about this for a second. And that's exactly what happened. She said, You know, where is this all coming from? And you've been through part two, and where's you know, the when's the let's go back to the beginning again? When did we originally feel pain? And as I started to address what took place with my dad when I was a kid and and the abandonment issues that were that contributed to that, she broke it down into a in a completely different lens and said, You know, when you were born, I'll never forget it. She said she goes, When you were born, your dad held you in his hands. Like, like that, just by my butt. He's like, he held you in his hands, and never in a in a million years did did when you were born did he look at you and said, My intention is to leave trauma in your life and abandon. It was never his intention. He said, I love this little baby with everything that I have. So when we look back at what happened, yes, it's unfortunate, but it does not define who you are as a human being and where you're going and what it can do to impact others. And the best way to move through that is compassion and understanding and owning. Let's go back to the beginning of the story, right? And compassion saves you from a lot of stuff because you look at you like, well, this is not like that, you know?

SPEAKER_03 42:25

Yep, yep, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 42:26

And gratitude unpacks all that stuff.

SPEAKER_03 42:28

I love, I love, love, love that. It's never the intention of, oh, I'm gonna destroy this kid.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

Never.

SPEAKER_03 42:33

I mean, very well.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

I was able to release the anger towards my dad when I realized that. I go, Yeah, listen, it's not his fault, he's fucked up, it's just not.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

It's just un, it's just unconscious. That's what it is. It's unconscious, it's people having no self-awareness.

SPEAKER_00 42:47

Correct. Yes, yes, yes, you nailed it. That's the self-awareness. So rare critical thinking and self-awareness, so rare these days on your painful, it's painful to face yourself if you grew up a child who was constantly shamed for being yourself. Right.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Yes, I was, and I absolutely, I really do believe it's most kids. I think it's unconscious, but I believe most parents do shame-based parenting, where they they raise this kid to slowly but surely feel so shameful about themselves that it's easier to grow up and live unconsciously, not really being self-aware because they feel so much shame if they ever have to look at their own shortcomings and insecurities.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Well, that goes back to the taboo part, though. The taboo part of like we don't talk about this right now. You know, my my own it.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

You gotta own your darkness. That's the only way through. Own your insecurities. Listen to my show. That's exactly what I break down. I finally started to own it. I went and did uh some crazy, crazy uh alternative healing modalities because I was just I gave up and talk therapy and everything. And um go go listen to the show, guys. Go 100%.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

We're gonna we're gonna we're gonna uh we're gonna wrap up here. Let everybody know where they can find that. But one last thing, my my good friend, uh who's become a dear friend now was actually my instructor for gratitude in part one. Uh Christopher DeSantis, an absolute part one. Shut the way.

SPEAKER_03 44:12

I love him. Are you following his TikTok? Uh 100%.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

A Course in Miracles. Yeah, no, we've got a Yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

I love him.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

This is coming full circle here. Shout out to our show sponsor here on uh Beyond the Story. Is it showing up there? Well, you'll hear about it. Before we hear it's uh Glory Blend's uh CBD that him and his lovely wife Lori and they've got amazing CBD, but back to what he was saying in the training is that we live in this world where before it was taboo to share things and to talk about things. Now we live in a society where that still takes place and it's become okay for me to sell you my bullshit, and then you sell me your bullshit and we'll call it a deal. And that's just not a world that I want to live in. And everybody that was in the room is there, we're there, we're there for a reason to be able to change that conversation. He also followed up with saying, How you do one thing is how you do everything. And I could not, I could not agree with with that more. And you know, all even though you know I I was fascinated with Chris's suits during the whole training, but I was even more fascinated by the training that that he that he ended up doing. Um, our no, our good friend Gina's been, Dominic's been, my daughter Kayla's been. In fact, um Gina's instructor was uh Chris's brother Mike. So the world's getting tinier and tinier on here. But phenomenal programs, it doesn't matter what you do. You go to Tony Robbins and Walk on Fire, you go to the landmark form, go to Yeah, landmark, Tony Robbins.

SPEAKER_03 45:30

I believe gratitude's changed now because the owner sold it. So it's like it's a completely different program. I don't want to diss it now.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

Right. My point is it doesn't have to be gratitude training. I don't know where anybody's tuning in for, it needs to be a rigorously honest and open forum for you to be able to address your past and be able to figure out a way to heal it. Gratitude gives you a very great solution to do that in about eight days. You can you can really get in there, figure out what's going on, and then dive right in in it's but there's other programs out there like landmark. Right. You just need to find a program that's gonna find you accountable. Not then this isn't a call to action for everybody to go join a program, but if you're looking to figure out how to get things to operate differently than they have been, like, you know, again, we have very similar um, you know, childhoods and it's just different trauma and different track and uh challenges that that we went through. But the common denominator is that we're here today. But yeah, I believe by the grace of God, we're here today to be able to be used in a vessel to be able to talk about it. Say, hey, listen, here's what happened. It was unfortunate. So what it happened, here's where we're at today. And maybe somebody else is in a completely different space when they're listening to this. And if you're being shut down by what you're hearing right now, that is a great indication that it's time to start digging in and and and take a look inward. But it's messy and it's scary to look inside. It's so scary. But whatever's on the other side is so, so worth it. All right, I know I know you got I know you got to run. We had some technical way over. This is great, yeah. Absolutely. So, those of you, the the goal of this conversation was really to unpack what the podcast is going to be all about and to share that. I I was I've never seen anything like it in my life. Shay literally sat down and scripted out eight episodes, and I never encourage anyone to record just themselves on a podcast unless they have something very, very, very interesting to talk about that's extreme value. And Shay, I'm telling you right now, you nailed that. I mean, forget about a home run. This is like a this is like a uh this is the ball's in the parking lot right now. Grand slam of the first game of a double header. You absolutely crushed it with this. I tell you, and I text you all the time when I'm going through and listening and sending this up to my editing team, the intro of the show. I caught tail ends of it. I found myself, you know, in tears at times, uh, overjoyed at times. I get goosebumps, and I'm like, what in the world? Just another reminder, we're doing work that happens. So thank you, Shay, for trusting me, uh, for being a friend. And uh, you're you're like family now in just a short amount of time. So it's just so awesome to see what's happening. The name of the show for you guys lot watching, listening to this episode, the Shea Robottom show. We're keeping it real simple around here. She's got a really cool name and it's catchy. So we decided to run with that. The Shea Robottom Show, available wherever you consume podcasts. Now, for 99.9% of you, that's gonna be on iTunes and also Spotify. For those of you that might be Android users and iHeartRadio, and I like to use Stitcher. Listen, all the platforms are available for your listening enjoyment, but we're gonna focus on just uh Apple Podcasts because everybody that has an iPhone, whether you like it or not, you've got the podcast app. So you pull up the Shea Robottom show and hit subscribe is gonna be the first thing you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 48:30

Subscribe, give it five stars, and write a review, and I will enter you in the raffle to win a free coaching call with me and a feature on my LinkedIn profile.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

That is a that's a dynamite package right there. And also, Shay, uh, aside from the show here, she's starting her healing company. You can go to ShayRobottom.com and heal more, hear more about uh Shay's Heel Tribe.

SPEAKER_03 48:49

SheaRobottom.com forward heel tribe.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

Heel tribe. But there's also a link too when you get to the homepage on there. But go go subscribe to the show right now after. And I'm gonna tell you right now, if you start playing one episode, my I sent it to my sister this morning, like insider information. We haven't shared it. There it is. We haven't shared it yet. I'm like just kidding, it's public. And she goes, Oh, I've got to file this away for this weekend. Like, there's no way I can get into this on a Tuesday. Oh no, no. And I describe the show, I describe the show as as heavy but extremely impactive and healing as well. And that's really what everybody wants. People want the truth, and that's what the Shea Robotom show does. Available wherever you consume podcast. This video replay is probably gonna be on YouTube. It's all it most definitely is because we're live on YouTube over on the podcast launch live channel. You're also gonna see bits and pieces on Shay's side in the future here. Um, being able to break, she loves to break down content and like Shay is it? Is that a word? Shea. Sheaism. Make it a Shayism on here, but yeah, maybe she understands and a quick side note because I'd be negligent to not mention it. Shea is in fact a LinkedIn marketing genius, and she has an incredible, incredible program.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

That's not changing. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

She's still a marketer, she's just a rigorous, honest marketer. So if you're interested in joining her LinkedIn bootcamp, which is a 90-day program that will turn you into a rock star like her, please hit me up. I'll personally make an introduction. Don't try to reach out to her, she's way too busy and you're gonna feel ignored and you're gonna get your feelings hurt. Reach out to me personally, and I will uh via message or DM, slide into the DMs, and I'll make a personal introduction to Shay and her team so you can learn more about her LinkedIn bootcamp. But more importantly, make sure you're subscribed to the show. She launched with eight episodes, like any rock star absolutely would. I couldn't be more proud of you, Shay, of the growth that you've made, how far you've come. And I feel like you're just started. I really, really feel like you're just I am.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

This is just the start. That's what I said in my video. This is actually just the start of my personal brand. And thank you, Sebastian, for help with the push.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Oh, one last question regarding that. Why did why did you choose the podcast launch lab and myself to launch your podcast?

SPEAKER_03 50:50

Um, because I knew that you would not let anything go. I knew I met you, I liked your energy, I liked how you were like go, go, go. I knew that you were gonna call me out on my bullshit because of the training you've been through, and you did. It was like you helped me with the intro, you helped me with you helped me with my putting my ego aside at times when I was getting in my feelings about it. Uh, you just kept it super real, man, and you know a lot more than me about podcasting. So it was uh super helpful having someone educated like you in the process.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Well, that's been really special so far. I've got a couple new students because of you. You don't even know who they are, or they just follow you and think the world of you, which I just think is amazing. So we're gonna have to make sure you can I most definitely will. I think Mike my Mike Ma Madonna's on here, one of our newest students as well. The uh the the work the workforce renegade. So you guys will be uh all meeting in in due time. I'm sure Mike wants to know more about your program. So you're definitely gonna meet him.

SPEAKER_03 51:43

Oh, amazing. Yes, send him my way, send him my way, my love. All right, I'm gonna split, check out the show, subscribe, share it with your friends, and um see you guys. Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Bye, guys. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story Podcast. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. Be sure to appreciate it. Signing off from the podcast, launchlab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.