How To Create A Life You Don't Have To Escape From - Benjamin Ellison Bethea - Tag Digital

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This is the Beyond the Story Podcast, a show that goes way beyond the story. And now, Sebastian Frost. Ben, welcome to the show. Thank you, sir. Good to be here. Found you in the Twitterverse. Yes. Been on Twitter a long time. It's an interesting place. It went from like a political cesspool of hate to completely consumed by Web3. And I think that's the Twitter rabbit hole that I am down is uh all the content that I seem to see uh is Web3 related, uh, whatever that means these days. But um I do follow a few interesting people, and I don't know where you and I connected, but I did start to resonate uh with your content, with your tweets, if you will, because it's everyday advice, but it's not fluffy. It's just uh sound. Uh it's kind of like a hug with a slap in the back of the head, which I like that. Which uh which we all need. So I'm I'm stoked that uh you had reached out to me or replied to one of my tweets or something like that. And uh I let you know that I've been following you and enjoying your content. Let's get you on the podcast. So uh here we are. So thanks for taking some time uh out of your day in between tweets to uh hang out with me here on the Beyond the Story uh podcast. I love to tell people's story here, like to go back to the beginning of the story, whatever the beginning is uh for you and talk about um and kind of unpack how uh you got to where you're at right now with what you're currently focused on. So again, thanks for being on the show. Great to see you, great to meet you. Um let's back up a little bit to the beginning of the story.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah, good to be here, man. Um okay, let me let me go real big picture and then and then we'll dig into the story. You know, you said uh my tweets are like a hug with a little bit of a slap. And my my philosophy, if I had to boil it down to like a really basic formula, is three parts loving kindness and two parts F you. And what I mean by that is like we're we're we're all people at the end of the day, you know, we're we're all here and we all we're all going through this human experience. And um, we've got to have boundaries. We've got to be able to say, like, to to know our own worth and be able to put those those um walls up when necessary. And so I try to communicate that in my content. Um, so that that's kind of where I'm at now and do all kinds of things with that um in terms of like building brands and and creating offers. And where I started though was pretty far away. I was in the teaching world um and I went hard for about 10 years uh to you know, getting my master's in teaching and national boards and did all this stuff and basically like maxed out the pay scale. And I was um doing all kinds of like curriculum development and teacher training and all this other stuff to kind of max out what I could do in that career line. And one day, I like my students had left and I was sitting there kind of in my classroom, and I was looking, I pulled up the pay scale, and I was looking at it's like this big grid. You can make money vertically and horizontally based on your experience. And I remember looking at the number that represented the amount of money I would make when I retired in 30 years. And I remember just feeling like all the life drained out of me. Because here I was, I had finally gotten like tenured, I'd maxed out everything I could do. And I just like I thought I'd be happy. You know, it's like, okay, I finally, I finally gotten to, you know, the mountaintop. But instead of this just this feeling of like, is this it? And and I just remember like feeling like I was on a plateau. And you know, the big picture, that was like seven years ago. So it's been a it's been a bit of a um, you know, a wandering path away from there. But really what that triggered in me was this realization that happiness is not actually about achievement. We all think it is, we all want more money, or we we, you know, we want to we want to hit this or that, we want to get this vacation locked in. But in reality, the everyday happiness that we all seek is actually about the progress toward those goals. And so my big thing, and the big thing that shifted for me, and that I that I you know try to communicate when I work with people and building their businesses is learning how to fall in love with the game itself, learning how to enjoy the process, because otherwise you're you know, you're focused on this sliver at the end. And then if you what happens if you get there and it's not quite what you expected, right? So if you can instead kind of uh shift and pivot and learn how to enjoy the transition from here to there, makes the whole thing a lot more fun.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Well, I mean, they it's often said that it's not about the destination, it's definitely about the journey. And I'm about to living that right now. And I, in fact, I had that conversation with myself this morning. I I just got back from Salt Lake City, Utah. And uh I'm a beach guy. But my brother, my brother lives out there, my brother from another mother, uh Owen video, and uh I decided to go out and for my 44th birthday, and we were gonna go snowboarding. And uh that didn't work out so well. I uh I got there and we got to the top of the mountain, and fear just absolutely checked in and took over. And I was debilitated going down that mountain. I stood up a couple times, I went flying like Clark Griswold on the bottom of that uh you know Christmas vacation. Yeah, and then I eat it and then I fall down, and then I finally hit my shoulder one last time, and I'm like, all right, that's it. I'm gonna be 44 tomorrow. Let's go risk adverse. And I end up walking the three-fourths of the way down the mountain, then writing some big sappy post about how I gave up. But there were a lot of lessons to learn on there. And I just got back last night and I thought, you know, we can't, if you're constant, if you're doing it right, you're constantly asking yourself the question, you know, okay, what are we doing? And why are we doing it? And that's in business and in life. But I learned a long time ago that if you want a lifestyle business, you got to have a lifestyle. And, you know, you know, I've been incredibly blessed to be able to live the life that I'm that I'm having right now. And this morning I said, okay, so so what are we doing? What are we working towards? And I said, let's not even answer that question right now. Impact and watching people step into a different version of themselves to the work that I'm able to do, that I get to do, is in and of itself enough. The adventures and the business and the and the the travel and everything else that comes along with it is it. This is it. Like that is it. Like it doesn't get any better. Someday doesn't fucking exist. You know what I mean? So it's funny that that you that you that you say that. In fact, you just tweeted um about two hours ago, you know, create uh, you know, a job you don't have to escape from and uh or life you don't have to escape from, rather. And uh I really feel like I'm living that and I haven't gotten to where I want it want to be yet. I don't think a lot of us are uh if you've got goals and ambitions uh to to max out this experience. But um, you know, it's funny to check in sometimes and and do that. I think this is one of the first where I was like, we're doing it, dude. We're not wondering where the next deal is coming from. We're not trying to stretch a thousand bucks, we're not trying to put on one mask, but we're really the other. We're just showing up as a hundred percent myself in full expression, giving zero fucks on a daily basis. And I think there's a lot of freedom behind being able to all do that. I need me to go on a tangent. This is uh this interview is all about you.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

I I think it's what it's all about, man. The uh, you know, we having contentment in one hand and this like insatiable drive in the other. You because life isn't about like, oh, is it one? No, life is about the paradox in between, it's about the tension in between opposites, because like that that's what we're here for. Like that's that that is really is the mystery of life is that you have these seeming opposites, you have justice and grace, but somehow there's something like in between those two things, right? And when we explore that, um it's number one, it's it's a lot of fun, right? And it also allows you to to show up genuinely. Like my my big thing, if I had to like, I don't know, like I think like my mission statement is to live a life true to myself and help other people do the same thing, right? Because like, you know, cliches are cliche for a reason, and sometimes you're like, oh, that's dumb. And then other times you're like, oh my God, it's the most profound thing you've ever heard. And one of those things is is like the stoic phrase, memento mori, right? Like, remember that remember that one day you will die. And I I think like if you are just going around with like this victim mindset of like, poor me, and like, oh, because some people like always have something going wrong. No matter, no matter how good things are, they've got something wrong too much. Right? Yeah. And and other people like they've no matter like how tough things are, there's always something that they can look at the positive side on. And not that we should ignore things or like stick our head in the sand, but man, like we are going to be dead in 100 years. You and me and everybody listening to this podcast is not going to be around in a hundred years from today. And the people that are alive then, even if we make like this tremendous impact, they're gonna read. Let's say, like, we write a book and it's really good and it sticks around for a while. It like life is happening right now, like right here, right now. And if so, if we like, I just have this mindset that if we don't learn how to enjoy the present moment, we're kind of missing out on a on a really big part of life, right? I think that I think that at least a really big part of why we're here is to learn how to enjoy the present moment as it's happening.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Absolutely. I I remember telling um I've been doing some Fiji breath work for the past few years. Pretty intense stuff. And my breath breath work. Nice. Come come hyperventilate for an hour, is what they actually should call it. I met my uh my breath work practitioner um at the gym back in 2017 and and we quickly became friends. And and she was doing this as a side hustle. She now does it full time with the practice, and it's just incredible at what she does. And um she said to me, you know, you need to slow down. I'll never forget. She would tell me to shut the fuck up while we were on the stairmaster. I'll never forget it. Like, why are you? She goes, because it's all bullshit, like all of it. I'm like, wow. Now it's a little outside of her personality too. And I'm grateful for those now. Cause and she did it happen multiple times. I'm like, here we go again. She's like, here you go again. Um, and I she goes, you know, you need to gotta slow down. No, no, no, you must slow down. And I'm like, how do I slow down? I'm over the top. I speak for a living. How do I no no no no no must? And I go, why? She goes, You're gonna miss it. And I go, what?

SPEAKER_01 11:28

They give me tingles.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I go, what? She goes, Whatever the fuck is there for you. You're gonna miss it. And I go, love that. Oh yeah. Now I get it. Now I understand being able to to to throttle my energy, my gift, and being able to understand the power of of stillness and you know, most times and this the power of it really embracing the whole, like our parents used to tell us, if you think you're talking too much, you are. Um, I teach that with podcasting because people like to go crazy and and talk too much on podcasts like I'm doing right now. And um, but you know, this is more of a you know com conversation based, but I'll never forget that. And I and then at some point last year I got in a rut and and I text her, you know, I I just don't feel like I'm ever gonna get there. She goes, Where?

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Where? Yeah. What if it's right here? Yeah, you're already there. Like when you were born and you came out of the womb, you were there. Correct.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Right. Right. She's like, Where? Where? And I was like, you know what? And it really helps us, you know, check in a little bit. You know, I just don't think that I, you know, you gotta heal and you've got to have some self-awareness to be able to tap in to the gift of of stillness and being able to just stop and just be in that present moment because we're in this odd. But I like, you know, I also think it's it's it's a lot of society is on autopilot. That's why I listen to Holiday every morning on the Daily Stoic. In fact, he was just talking to this morning that he gets a lot of pushback from you know people that are into stoicism that ah, it's I don't need some coin to remind remind me of, you know, he's like, Well, some people do like it works for some people. I don't need to carry the coin every day. I own the coin, but I don't absolutely every day. And he gets the coin. Most well, most times I forget to carry it, but I remember it sitting there and I remember what it says and I remember what it symbolizes. So we're we're referencing the Daily Soat by Ryan Ryan Holiday. It's a book, yeah, um, and uh also a daily podcast. And uh Ryan's just done some incredible work. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Well, you're you know, you're you're talking about stillness, and it's it's not it's not one or the other, right? To be here in the moment, like some, yeah. You know, you're talking about throttling. I love that metaphor because sometimes that does mean throttling back, but it also means the ability to take the governor off, right? The the the idea that like your engine is like kind of your body's like designed that when you get to a certain point, like alarm bells flash and it says like, hey, you better stop running or else you're gonna, you know, die. But then if you if you if you don't listen to that voice and you just keep running or you keep doing what it could be like a mental challenge or whatever it might be, if you just keep going, if you push past the governor, you realize like, hang on, like I I I thought that my limit was here, but it but that was actually bullshit. I actually have so much more. And I think that actually every single one of us, and you talked about like a lot of society being on autopilot. I think that every single one of us, Sebastian, has the spark. I don't, I don't think that like I'm more special than anybody else. I think that I've just I've had experiences in my life and and you know, things that I've I've worked through that have allowed me to kind of pull the curtain back and be like, oh, like that that that's what's back there. And then once you kind of realize like how how deep life actually goes, then it's just fun. It's fun to explore. And and you know, and like just kind of thinking about where I was seven years ago, and I I thought that it was all about like getting a comfortable job and getting tenure and and making money, and I got all that stuff. And I was like, ah, it's sort of like you get to uh the you know, the the end of the Wizard of Oz, and they're like, hang on, this isn't this sort of like there's gotta be more than this. And it turns out that there is, right? And so and sometimes I think that one of the things that we can cultivate is the ability to slow down and the ability to speed up and and and to be able to just know that we have we have like this latent possibility within us. Every single one of us does. And I I really truly believe that anybody, if they learn how to put actions in place and put you know certain beliefs in place, that they can they can like take the governor off and like create something truly beautiful and special and fun with their life.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Yeah. Fully expressive. I think that's my my word for 2023. I'm a little late. Fully expressive.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure that's two words. So I don't know if it quite makes there we go.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Good point. Details, details. So that uh switching gears a little bit, uh let's let's talk about your business. What do you do to help people? You're a coach and uh uh you're doing some great work. Let's let's talk about some some of the stuff you get to do on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, man. So, you know, I came out of teaching, and then from there, I, you know, I was a student director for a while, and then I coached with this company right at the start of COVID. And I did that for like two years. And because of COVID, the whole company went online. I moved across the country. I was gonna help them start like this in-person coaching branch, branch, everything went online. And then it only took me like a year, and I was like, hang on, I'm I'm pretty sure like I could just do this for myself, make a lot more money, and work with only the people that I want to work with. So that's what I do now. Um, and my my coaching is helping people build a one-person online business, right? Learning how to um really like wear the different hats, how to focus on the essential pieces that they need to do to get a business up and running. Um, and a big part of this is just learning how to take an essentialist mindset and how to figure out like, what are the things that actually matter? And then putting simple tools in place to actually do those things. Right. And that might sound like obvious, and it is, but so often we get caught up, like our own ego will create resistance and and like be like, oh no, you should go research this thing for three hours, or you should go, you know, do this or this. And we get so caught up doing things that are non-essential, that don't actually move the needle forward. And so my my gift as a coach, and a lot of this comes from like teaching background, is not just in like what are the pieces that you need to move the business forward, but helping somebody see like from an outside perspective. The idea that you can't you can't read the label from inside the jar, right? And so I'm somebody who comes alongside people, helps them see their business from the outside and figure out, okay, well, what are those pieces that you need to take action on in a really big way? So that number one, you can, you know, make money. And number two, so that you can create a business that you genuinely truly enjoy and don't end up resenting in two years and then quitting and just going back to a corporate job.

unknown 18:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

What's the best part of what you get to do?

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Uh, I don't work with any assholes. Like it's seriously, like even when I was coaching uh with a company, I would still like I liked most of my clients, and there was like a bit of like a filtering process. But once I was paired with someone, it'd be like, ah, I hope this person cancels today. And that's not something I ever say anymore, right? Like, I only work with people that I really enjoy working with and who I know are going to do the work because like nobody, like we're not here to save anybody.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Right. Like everybody has to put in the work. And, you know, really, in my opinion, what a good coach does is a good coach is somebody who has gone up the mountain before and can walk alongside you and help you up, you know, up the mountain. Maybe, maybe like, don't walk over on that off that cliff because you will die. Like that, you know, don't eat that berry. It's poison.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Don't go down that's what don't go down the mountain at uh Brighton.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Don't go down the mountain. Yeah, but you know, so so you're still doing the work. Um, you've still got to walk on your own two feet, but having somebody come alongside you who has been down the path before um is really helpful, makes it a lot more fun too. And when you get to those like dark nights of the soul, it's it's sometimes just having somebody there and having some systems in place and some structures in place makes the difference between like burnout and just like, oh yeah, this is just life. Let me maybe I need more sleep, or or maybe I just need to execute on this uh a bit more, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Right, right, exactly. Just a what take take one step to the left, brand new moment. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Ben, it's been great to uh to to meet you and to get to know you. I feel like we're gonna become friends and uh uh we're we speak. Absolutely and we speak similar languages in the world of of coaching and and helping people really step into a different version of themselves and get out there to to do the work that they were designed to do. I I heard a quote in a course that I took uh about seven years ago, something about seven years ago. It was a very you know messy, messy time. But um we got through it, damn it. But I used it in one of my most recent talks that I'd given, uh, the client challenged me to give a talk on uh how I found my voice through podcasting and to really unpack my childhood and trauma and run people through some exercises. And I was like, wow, this is a stretch. But we did it and it was extremely well received. And one of the main things that I utilized in that talk was that quote that I heard back in 2016, and that was, are you willing to give up who you've become to be who you are? And um because I live that and we live that and continue to to to go and live that. So um I you know, I feel like you know, that's that's a lot of the times what what we get to do on a daily basis is help people really get honest and clear on that question with themselves. So been great to uh to chat with you and learn more about you. I'm sure we're gonna stay in touch here, but I do appreciate uh you carved some time out of your day to hang out with me. Absolutely. And any final thoughts for our listeners?

SPEAKER_01 22:02

You know, um, as you're talking a little bit about your story, just the idea that like nobody gets out alive, right? And that that's guy, that's I think kind of the theme of today's conversation is that this this story is going to end. And like, don't don't you want to do everything you possibly can to live it well, right? And you know, and when it comes to like trauma and oh, I've got this, we we all have trauma. Like every like I I've never met a person who, if you dig deep enough and if they're honest enough, doesn't have some form of trauma in their life. And so if we can get to the point where instead of being stuck in the resistance to that and stuck in the pain, if we can kind of backwards plan, like, who do I want to be? What does it take to get there? And then you focus on the process, learn how to enjoy like the moment and just execute on it, your life changes.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Absolutely. It sure does. I'm loving proof. I'm sure you are as well, too. Yes, sir. Well, thanks again for your time. Make sure you connect with Ben. All of his links will be in the show notes at the description of this podcast episode in case you're wondering what the hell a show note is. Ben, we'll have to have you back on sometime. Thanks again, brother. And uh we'll chat soon, man. Peace. Until next time. Thanks so much for tuning into this episode of the Beyond the Story podcast. Be sure to appreciate it. If you haven't done so already, make sure you're subscribed to the show. This way you'll get updates as new episodes become available. If you feel so inclined, please leave us a review. Signing off from the podcast, launchlab.com studios. We'll talk to you next time.