EP:46 Love, Relationships and Heartbreak w/ Apollonia Ponti

SPEAKER_03 0:30

This is what was really my focus point. I was just like, why is love so hard to find for people? Why can't they keep it? And why can't we just be open and understand why love is just so hard sometimes, right? And it's because I come and I've done so many thousands and thousands of interviews from all over the world with men and women, and I worked with so many, I mean, thousands of clients. And the realization of it all is if I can sum it up in one thing, is what brought me here is the fact that we put so much education and so much we time into investing our job and putting so much time into that, and so much time into maybe building a business. And we worked for this. But something that we don't do in our lives is we don't work towards the love.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

What is happening, party people? Hey, welcome back to the show. Maybe it's your first time. Welcome. This was a very interesting and fun conversation that I had with my guest on this episode. My friend Apollina Ponti is a dating and relationship ghost. And let's tell you. She knows exactly what she's talking about. It is no mystery why she has grown her YouTube channel to over 72,000 subscribers in less than one year. You heard that correctly. 72,000 subscribers. She's produced over 500 videos for her YouTube channel. And based on taking a quick scan of the channel, she averages between 10 and 25,000 views per video. I would say Apple has a pretty popular topic. While everybody loves to talk about dating, relationships, or the lack thereof and love. I want to throw in a little heartbreak in the mix too, because it's really all a conglomerate when it comes to talking about what her topic is under dating and relationships. She is one passionate individual about what she does. She's one passionate individual about helping men really understand what it takes to meet a woman. And she also lives it. She manifests to the man of her dreams who happens to be in a similar space as her, supports what she does. So she truly is a product of her product. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Maybe you're in love or you're out of love or a lack of love or your heart's broken. I think that we've fired on each cylinder here, and you're really gonna enjoy this episode. Friends, please help me welcome to the show, dating and relationship coach Apollonia Ponti. What's happening, Rockstar?

SPEAKER_03 3:08

Hi, Sebastian.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

The last time I saw you, we were in the grocery store.

SPEAKER_03 3:13

I know. That was a great run-in because you saw me on TV and you were like, I saw you on the TV the other day.

SPEAKER_04 3:17

Yeah, I was like, how's the heat? You were watching the heat game. I was like dramatic. Go heat.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Yeah, absolutely. Not last night. My goodness, that was terrible. Um it's great to it, it's we totally get. No, let's not. Let's let's keep it, let's keep it all positive. So uh for those of you just tuning in and have absolutely no idea who Apollonia is, she is a love relationship and dating coach, uh, master of femininy, femininity, that's a tough one, and masculinity. Uh, and she teaches how to become a highly desirable man or woman and track and attract your dream partner. I read that word for word, uh, if you couldn't tell on there, but um let's let's expand on that a little bit and and also talk about how this whole thing began. When when you and I first met, we were in an event called the Women's Success Summit. I don't know how the hell I got in the door, but um they let me in. And you had said, Sebastian, I'm I'm leaving the corporate banking world and um I'm I'm gonna become a love and dating coach, and that's just what's gonna happen. And I got a boyfriend in Paris, and he does the same thing too, and we're just gonna run off into the sunset, you know, helping helping folks better their dating world. And I'm like, rock on with your bad self. And then we fast forward like three or four years, and like this is 100% what happened um and a reality. So let's back up and help everybody understand how we went from um banking into the wonderful world of love.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Yeah, of course. Um, thanks for asking. So when you met me, I well, let me just clarify a little bit too for your audience. Um, I am a dating and relationship coach and I specialize in confidence and help really right now helping men a lot. Um, I've I've I've still coach women as well, but helping men really master their confidence and attraction skills when it comes to women in relationships, dating, and overall with everything when it comes to love, um, which I really, really enjoy. And because of that, um, as a young girl, it was always something, and I remember having this conversation with you at the Women's Success Summit. It was always something that was my passion. And I didn't know it as a young girl. Um, when I don't know if you remember Dr. Ruth, she was a sex expert. Okay. And she was like to do it like this, not even she was the one that started this whole what we call niche now, right? And she was the first one to go out there and talk openly about love, to talk openly about relationships and sex. And at the age of like, I'm not even kidding you, 13 years old, I would literally sneak in my room, put on my headphones because it was radio back in the day, and listen to her until three o'clock in the morning, only to wake up and go to school the next day because I was so intrigued and learning more about why love gave people such happiness and such heartache, right? So my passion started at such a young age and I didn't know it. You know, we go to school and they're like, what do you want to be when you grow up? things like that, and you get attached to income and a paycheck. And I went into banking and I excelled in what I did in banking, and I was a VP in private banking at the age of 29 years old, making well over six figures. And my paycheck, that six figures, was my comfort zone, but I wasn't happy. And my energy was just controlling, getting controlled by this corporate atmosphere. And I would walk into this corporate atmosphere, and no one would really care about me. They just cared about what I offered them to get either a commission higher paycheck to make them look better or or anything. If I was to, you know, hit the bucket the next day, I'm not too sure if anybody was to care. And that's how horrible the environment was. And I remember when I was talking to you, I was just at my wits' end and I was like at the highest position that I didn't even think that I could get, okay. And um, I didn't go to college and I didn't graduate and finish college for financial uh finance or business or anything like that, what which I was going for. And me coming at that young age as a college, uh, didn't even finish college because unfortunately my grandmother got really sick and I had a choice to either finish college or take care of my grandmother and my mom not lose her job in her house because Medicare didn't kick in and she got both of her legs amputated was a really bad experience for the both of us, but we did so well, and my grandmother ended up living for another five years because of that, and I would have never taken away that choice. But coming from a background of thinking, okay, I'm a college dropout, I'm never gonna be successful, I'm never gonna make over $200,000 a year or even $100,000 a year. Coming from that mind frame and going through a lot of anxiety and just really hard times at a young age going through college made me more stronger to go after my goals and my dreams because I wanted to show myself that just because I didn't go to college doesn't mean that I can't be successful. And I actually worked my way up in finance in a VP position for private banking with everybody else has a college degree. And because of the way I worked in the company and worked my way up, I finally got this. So then because I got this, I started attaching my value to my job instead of my passion. Because in my head, I was like, you did all this without a college degree and you're gonna give it up. But then my heart wasn't being fulfilled because I knew exactly ego, and I knew that there was something more for me because at the same time I was doing speeches for the business around love in the workplace. You know, I had men and women coming to me for advice about relationships and being like, wow, you should really do this. I started studying human behaviors, NLP, emotional intelligence. I started interviewing men, I started interviewing women because this is what was really my focus point. I was just like, why is love so hard to find for people? Why can't they keep it? And why can't we just be open and understand why love is just so hard sometimes, right? And it's because I come and I've done so many thousands and thousands of interviews from all over the world with men and women, and I worked with so many, I mean, thousands of clients, and the realization of it all is if I can sum it up in one thing, is what got me here is the fact that we put so much education and so much we time into investing our our job and putting so much time into that, and so much time into maybe building a business. And we worked for this. But something that we don't do in our lives is we don't work towards love. We think that as humans, because we're born, we are just naturally supposed to have love, but we have to work for love, and that's what got me to where I am today and being like, I now I know this answer and I feel so strongly about this. I've got to quit this job and go after my dreams and get exactly and do exactly what I want. And during this time, during this process of me figuring this out, I manifested the partner that I wanted, and I said, I want a man that either understands what I'm doing or is on stage at some level that will understand the broader aspect and the community that I want to touch. And um I started envisioning it, and surely within like a couple months, he came to me and um then we uh he gave me some pointers because he was in the same um community and I guess niche that I was in. Um and he's very popular in France, but um gave me some pointers, I quit my job, um, and I just went full throttle into everything that I was doing and I am doing now, which has been completely successful, and I'm very happy.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

So did did he come to you were you inquiring like like for like advice to him? And then you're like, oh. No, no. So how'd you meet him? We met online. Ah, okay. That's fantastic. So um, so manifesting, surrendering, like these are all terms that we're all familiar with, but I I really I I don't know how to do all those. I'm working on surrender. Uh, I've been working on that for about the past six months because I've been doing some effiji breath work. Uh, and surrender is, you know, I was told to say yes to everything, and eventually the things that you want um are always gonna be yeses, you're not gonna have to do stuff that you don't want to do. So I've been working on the surrender side, but the manifesting side, let's just side note on that. Just uh I want you to just expand on that just for a second here. So when you set out to say, I'm going, I am, I'm going to manifest the man of my dreams, what did that look like? And how does one manifest something? Because some people just don't know. That's why I want to ask.

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Yeah, of course. I'm actually on my website, there's an amazing blog that I read. I wrote about how to manifest. It's one of the best blogs, and I'm not saying that because it's my blog, but I've researched a lot of how to manifest love, and it's such surface level answers, but I really go into depth in my blog on my website. So I really encourage you or anybody else that wants to know more information than just what I'm gonna say to go there because I actually break it down.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Yes, absolutely. And by the way, for those of you listening, all that's gonna be in the show notes. So this that article she's talking about, just go into the show notes in the description of wherever you're consuming the podcast, Spotify, iTunes, wherever. And there'll be a direct link to check out that article. Uh, for those of you that want to check it out right now, it's Apollinaponti.com, A-P-O-L-L-O-N-I-A, Ponty, P O N T I dot com. Uh, but again, it's in the show notes and all of her relevant links on there. Okay. Um excellent. We address we we we addressed that one. Okay, cool. So we we know how you got to where you're at now and um and how you met your partner that obviously is in he's in the similar space, is you correct? Uh-huh. Yeah, got it. So talk about you know being with someone who who gets it and understands. In fact, I have a friend of mine that is um that's going through a divorce right now, and um and um continue to tell me, you know, she just doesn't get it when it comes to the work aspect. You know, I don't want to ask for permission to work. That's why it's not working. You know, and I thought interesting. Very interesting.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Like in her relationship?

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Uh yeah. Okay. Yeah. So it was like, yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like you're you're you're married, but it's like constantly, hey, listen, I need to, you know, I need to get work done today. Well, you said you weren't gonna work today. I guess work became a challenge between it all. And that was kind of the reason the breaking point of the marriage. And um, my point is that you've got to be aligned with people that understand and get it. Like my world is batshit crazy as an entrepreneur and a single dad. Could you imagine and then me and my personality, right? So uh I'm a I'm a package, a package deal, um to say the least. Um so to align with someone who understands the roller coaster of the struggle and will be, you know, to hang through thick or thin and you know, uh be nice to a kid that's not theirs and you know, be some sort of an authority, like that's a lot to ask. So there's been times, in fact, a few, you know, a few years back, you and I were chatting before the show about my last amazing heartbreak that I experienced a few years back. But um I've been single ever since by choice because I really wanted to do the work on me and I wanted to make that commitment to myself to make sure that I am in fact fully in love with myself. That in the event I do meet somebody great, and then again, if I don't, great. But it's hard to really align with like an entrepreneur's life. Have you had any experience with that or had any coaching uh that you've given on you know entrepreneurs? Because it's a wild ride that most women don't want because women want one thing, I mean, mainly, and that's stability. And I just that's not something that I can provide.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Yeah, I mean, I've I've definitely encountered it myself, and I've um, you know, I've seen it in some of my clients when I'm coaching in their relationships and seen, I mean, I've seen this so much, and I've heard it too. Um, obvious obviously being an entrepreneur myself. Uh, and when here's the thing, I know you mentioned a couple things in in what we're saying, but the first thing is is like when you say that I'm a full package deal, the here's the it, and that was such a great point because it isn't hard, right? It we say that, okay, I'm a full package deal, I have my business that I have to dedicate this time to, I have a child, I have this, but who is going to want this because it's just too much and I can't devote my time to a relationship. That's not the truth because what what happens so much, and this is why communication is so important when dating or in relationships, but what happens so much is we set expectations. We set expectations on someone else, okay? We don't see the value that they're offering in our lives, instead, we are just coming from a place of I want, I want this, I want his attention, I want this, I want this, I want this. Instead of saying, wow, he's really going after his dreams and focusing on his career because this is what makes him happy. And he has a child that he's lovely, devoted, he's lovely to and he's devoted to. And then he also makes this time for me. And I see this and I appreciate this. It's all in our ideal perception perception of who and how we see the person in front of us, right? So the way that we showcase this to someone else is by setting our values and our standards early on in the beginning of the relationship, and saying, you know, let's just say it's you, Sebastian, and you're dating a woman, and you're like, listen, I'm really enjoying spending time with you, and I see that we're going somewhere else in this relationship, and I say that we want to move forward, but understand that I have a business that I dedicate at least 80 hours to a week, and then I have a child too, and I'm going to make this work by fitting you in here and there, but understand that my time is limited. So because I'm following my passion, I'm following my dream, and I obviously want to make you a part of that as time goes on. And if she can clearly, and the way that you communicate this and she can clearly understand this, then great. But a lot of times relationships fail when it comes to this because we're not setting the right expectation, and also two, we're seeking expectations of someone else to validate what we need from within when that's something that we can supply with our friends or from ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Right, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

And to be honest, in my relationship, we're both entrepreneurs, and the way I look at him, uh my love language is quality time. Do I get quality time? Heck freaking no, I don't get a lot of quality time. But guess what? When I have that moment of, gosh, I just want to just spend time with my boyfriend right now, and I look at him and I just see him helping so many people that are out there, that gives me more gratitude than being selfish and saying, I need more quality time.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 18:02

It's all in the mindset and perspective. And this comes from time, patience, communication with your in your relationship with your partner and that understanding. Because I also think like, how much value is this man bringing to my life? How much has he taught me? How much can I teach him? How much value are we bringing to other people's lives? How are we impacting other people? That's why being on your purpose is so valuable to relationships and for men in general and women.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Love that. I so love that. That is that is I I think it was Tony Robbins that said if you show up to a relationship, finding out what you can get from it, the relationship's already over and you've already failed. Amen. Exactly. But when you show up to find out how much you can give, and that's you nailed it. And I I look in retrospect back and I still kind of file through, you know, things and I've I definitely worked through that and spent a lot of time uh working on that last breakup and doing a lot of work uh on myself. So I'm grateful for it. But um, you know, what I I looked at, you know, how did you show up in that relationship to produce the results that you got, which were pain and an ending? Like how did you show up there? So when I when I was evaluating and pointing fingers, I was doing it in front of the mirror. Uh, and not a lot of not a lot of us can do that. You know, it's it's a lot easier to blame someone else. It's a lot easier to uh, you know, go find I seek a relationship for that that validation. That was exactly it. That was exactly it. The validation of wow, Sebastian, you are awesome. But guess what? I already know that, and I'm 100% convinced, and it's gonna get even more awesome. Like I'm convinced of that. So now my perspective is more of someone who shows up and agrees with me. You know, again, in a humble from a humble, you know, from a humble, you know, you know, place, not, you know, um not ego driven um by by by any means at all. Um speaking of egos, let's talk about that for a second. Um great acronym for ego is edging God out. I think that's just a one of the best ones ever. And it's so true. But um part of ego, and a lot of this I learned through through some work that I've done is is you know, wars are started, um, fights are started, uh, relationships are ended, um, just a complete toxicity and chaos happen from us just wanting to be right. So let's let's chat about ego and wanting to be right and how love, you know, doesn't work into that equation.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

Yeah, I love that question. Thank you. You know, um ego, uh here's the thing that I see so much and where people get this wrong is we go on social media, we listen to YouTube videos, podcasts, uh, you know, like very, very public figures, and they're telling you motivational things about how you control your ego, how to overcome ego, don't think this way because it's ego. And we get this this vision that we have to control ego, which we do. But what we don't talk about is you have to have a healthy relationship with your ego. Because your ego is always going to be there.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

It's there for a reason because of the fact that it also can be and can bring good things because also ego challenges you to think in another way. Yeah, right. So the thing that we don't talk about is you have to have a good relationship with ego, right? And say, All right, it's the other and the only person I really actually heard talk about this was Gabrielle Bernstein, to be honest. Um, and it's about having a good relationship and saying, Ego, I hear you, but I know why you're saying this to me. And instead of you saying this to me, you should say this instead to me. And you correcting your own ego because your ego is also your thoughts that come into your head that I'm not good enough. Uh, she didn't call me back, so that means that I'm not desirable. I wonder if I performed well in bed. Um, I, you know, all of This stuff is all ego to kind of diminish you, to kind of bring you down, to get that confidence down. But if you start to have a good relationship with ego, which is a healthy dialogue, a healthy conversation within yourself, then you start controlling ego. What a lot of us are trained to do is discipline ourselves to set ego aside and be like, no, that's not true. I'm not letting you come in, I'm not hearing you, I'm avoiding you, I'm avoiding you, I'm avoiding you. And then it gets stronger, it gets stronger and stronger. But the only way to really overcome this type of conversation and really ego comes down to mastering your confidence, excelling in your career, or whatever it is that you want to do, going after your goals, being driven, whatever it is. It comes down to having that healthy relationship and that healthy conversation with your ego and understanding that it's always gonna be there. But you choose how you want it to be used.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

I love that. It's kind of like your subconscious. I I had a I had a coach tell me one time, like, listen, you need to have a conversation with your subconscious. Um, and it goes, you know, something like this listen, you little knucklehead. Okay, I know you're not going anywhere, so we're gonna work together, okay? But this is my show, and I'm gonna call the shots. And I thought, wow, because we're always trying to figure that whole subconscious, that's a whole different episode, subconscious on there. Um, but yeah, the ego, keeping that, you know, they say keep your ego in check, but also you know, have a healthy relationship with it. I like that a lot. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

And name her. Yeah, I name my ego. You know, like I name her, like name them because then you're claiming something too, and it's easier. And it's and it's just like it gives you more control. It really does, and it creates better energy for you to be a magnet of whatever that you want or the possibilities that literally are endless when you can do this.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

I love that. Love, love, love that. Okay, cool. My next question, perfect timing here. Sonny D just messaged me and said, I love Apollina, have fun on the episode and tell her I said hello, hope all is well with you. So Sonny D says what's up.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

My girl.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yes, she's awesome. So uh speaking of Sonny D, uh, YouTube badass um uh online social media buddy of mine that I met a few years back on a live stream, just does some awesome work and you connect with her um uh a little little less than a year ago, yeah?

SPEAKER_03 24:13

And you launched um April of last year of 2018.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Awesome. And you launched your YouTube channel, which is just bananas right now. She you guys, she just hit 50,000 subscribers. The channel hasn't even been around a year.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

Oh, actually 70, it's almost at 75 now.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Yeah, I stand corrected. You're exactly well, you know why I got the 50 number stuck in my head because you made such a big celebration, silver balloons and whatnot. It was a big cell. That's a huge miles of 50,000 subscribers. And again, I'm not afraid to expose myself that social buzz TV's been around for nine years, and we have 1,300. So um, I gotta I gotta get to getting. Maybe I need to hire you. Um so um, and again, those of you listening, don't worry about writing down a YouTube link. Everything's gonna be in the show notes. You're gonna be able to go and subscribe. She's got about a bazillion videos on every topic you could ever think of pertaining to love, dating, and relationships and getting questions answered. Uh, so make sure you check out our YouTube channel. It's amazing. Um, let's back up to April of last year. How did it all start?

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Yeah, so I was clicking on YouTube, clicking away and searching away, and I was like, I need to start a YouTube channel. You know, I've been doing speeches, I'm doing all this stuff, but I want to impact the masses and I want to take my business internationally, like we talked about. And I said, I need to start doing YouTube. So I was like, how? I searched how to make channel art and I saw Sunny Leonard Juicy. And as soon as I see her, I'm like, this girl, like she has a great energy about her, she's really authentic. And then I started watching some more of her videos on how to grow your YouTube channel, and then she had this program, and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to do this because of the fact that this woman is just so real, you know. I just felt like everybody else was more mechanical. She was more they were more mechanical. No offense because I know they're great, and I and I still follow some of those people. Um, but I just I really just I really just felt her energy and I really liked her as a person. So, and that's really clear, and I want to be really big about this, even if it's not me as a coach, that is where you make your decision on how to hire a coach, right? Because it's about how you how that person makes you feel and how they can impact you. It's your intuition speaking up. So I was like, I'm just gonna book this, I'm gonna pay for this amazing YouTube for Bosses course, and I did it, and I studied this course, I mean, in and out, and I did everything as she's told me to do because she even says in the course, if you don't do what I'm gonna tell you to do, even one or two things can change the outcome. So don't miss and come back and study this course and do it. I mean, I made my own notebook and I did it. So once I felt ready, I started my I purchased it in April, but I probably started my channel March or May. I think it was really in May. And since May of 2018, I have videos on there that were probably like two years ago, don't get me wrong, if you look at my YouTube channel, but that was just like I didn't put anything effort into it. I was just sending it to clients and I just posted on YouTube. It was nothing like trying to get an audience of subscribers. And then two months later, after I, or a month later after I studied YouTube for bosses, I started implementing all the tips and tricks that she was telling me, but also I started producing quality content of what I knew my viewers wanted to hear, something different, something people weren't saying, offering different things. And as I noticed, my YouTube just I mean grew drastically. I mean, from five subscribe subscribers a day to a thousand five hundred subscribers a day to a thousand subscribers a day, and now it's like drastically growing. I mean, I grow a thousand subscribers every two days, and you know, I look up my competition and it's not even close to that. Um, so you know, I have Sunny to thank for that because she's really also kind of not only done this plat, created this platform for any entrepreneurs that are watching and listening to this, excuse me, but she also has a way of giving you some type of hand holding. Not her personally, but she's created a group. She's created people that work in her um business that will actually help you through the process, answer your questions. She's built a community for support for people to help you along the process. And she's built a really good community, and you can tell her heart and soul is in this type of business and this YouTube for Boss's program that um you can really, really get results and get a lot of your questions answered even after you take the course.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

I'm totally not even, I just text her back that I'm buying the course. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I'm in, done. By the way, the link's gonna be in the the uh the the show notes too, since we're we're we're talking the amazing uh I call her Sunny D. Uh Sunny Lennarduzzi. She is uh a beautiful human inside and out. Like I told you, we've never met uh in person, but I've still connected with her enough online and through a campaign we worked on a few months ago, or a few years ago rather, uh, that what you say is 100% true. And it is, it's so much easier to make a decision to work with a brand, a person, a coach, an expert, a guru, whatever you want to call them, when you're really feeling them and you see that you know, Sunny is a product of the product she sells, right? You are a product of the product you sell. I am a product of the product I sell. I'm I'm on a podcast on my own podcast right now. I sell podcast launches, right? You're madly in love right now. You sell love advice, right? Sunny sells video and becoming your own boss and brand, etc. And she's lived that for for for the past years since her launch. So um, all good stuff. This is awesome. I'm fired up. Talk about good energy. Um, all right, good deal. Yeah, hey, uh virtual high five, Sunny D. I'm I'm signing up. Um so I was watching a video of by the way, once you start watching her YouTube videos, I'm we're back to Appleina now. Once you start watching her YouTube video, you're not gonna be able to stop. Well, first of all, because YouTube just plays the next video automatically. Um and and the way that she has things organized and set up on her channel, it is like, you know, it it it's got some, you know, Netflix should envy the uh the the select here, if you will. Uh that that'll be next.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

You'll be able to like so much. I hear people reaching out to me on my GMs and Instagram and being like, I just binge watch all your videos. Like I can just sit there and binge watch. I'm like, oh really? I can't because maybe because of me.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Straight up, straight up. Yeah, I I I I totally, totally. But one of the ones I watched was um six uh six reasons why women ask for space, what to do when she asks for space, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

What it means when she says she needs space, yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

That whole like the whole astronaut series of space, right? Um and you teach things like how to win her back, and you know, what do you do when she asks for space? But aren't those like direct indicators of a deeper issue? Um, that maybe possibly the relationship may be heading towards an end. I mean, or is it again? I'm trying to understand that whole world because I'm convinced that relationships either work or they don't, but that's just my head. Um can you speak to that for a second?

SPEAKER_03 31:22

Yeah, of course. Thank you. That's why coaching is so significant in my practice, right? Because I can produce content, but the content is an umbrella answer of what it is, because everybody's relationship is different. There's always tailored advice for every type of relationship. Because I've had clients that have been in relationships and the woman or the man has asked for space, and now looking back two years later, they're engaged and they're in the best place that they've had possible, you know, because that they've, you know, ever experienced in their relationship or within their own lives, really. Because space also gives us the moment in our relationships to actually have that hard conversation with ourselves and reflect and say, what the hell did I do here to deserve this space? Why is she asking for space? Because when we're in a relationship, we kind of have tunnel vision. We have time, we have tunnel vision of I just love her, I just want to marry her, I just want this, I just want that. But we don't look at everything outside of what's happening because we're so focused on our end goal. But we got to enjoy the present moment. And this is where space comes in because of the fact that sometimes relationships get lost. We get lost in our relationships, and that's why people are so big on saying, I need a break, I need space. And it's not to say that you guys aren't meant to be, because sometimes they are, or it's it's not to say that you guys aren't meant to be, because sometimes they're not, right? So that's what space tells you, right? Exactly, and that's what space tells you. Space is a time for self-reflection, right? If you want to, you know, and I love I love that you say, like, let's go into the astronaut world or outer space or whatever you said because of because of space, but actually, too, it gives you time to reflect, it gives you time alone, it gives you time to get back to who you are because sometimes in relationships we lose a little bit of our identity, and um we don't we learn from relationships. How else do you think we learn? We learn how to walk from actually trying to walk. So we learn from we learn how to love from being in relationships. We make mistakes, and just because we make mistakes with one individual doesn't mean that person's not the person for us. It might be, but it might not be either. So that's why coaching, one-on-one tailored coaching is so critical when it comes to relationships, because you can binge watch all my videos, which I would suggest anyone to do because you're gonna get great value and great an understanding for a woman's perspective, how women think, and also because of the fact that I've worked with thousands of men, women can value from that because I really know men like the back of my hand, I would like to say. Um, and and the thing about this is you know, we tend to think, okay, we look at a YouTube video for quick fix because we're used to the world that we live in, ordering something on Amazon and being it shipped because we have prime in two days, getting something delivered, anything now through Postmates or whatever it's called, and getting our food delivered to us, living in a society of instant gratification where it's now taken over our love lives. And the fact that we have to sit here and think, all right, so I want this now, I want this person to be like this, and then we want to jump into relationships when we haven't even healed our heartbreak in the past relationship, and then we're coming into a new relationship and saying, I need space, right? So that's there, that's one thing. Right. Or maybe you were together for 10 years and all of a sudden the attraction and your marriage or your relationship just diminished because people think that if you're in a relationship, you're locked down, you're you're you're you're good, but you owe it to your partner as she owes it to you and you owe it to her to keep the attraction in the relationship. Relationships are constant work with kids, without kids, whatever you want to call it. And then maybe you need space from your marriage and you need a break from your marriage because the attraction has failed. But then the marriage, you build the attraction back during this break, and now the marriage is excelling, right? So that's a different realm of space. And then there's another space where it's just like, I've lost myself in this relationship. I need to find myself again, and then I become a different person, and really I just don't want to be with you anymore. You know, so there's and I break down this because those are the big out, those are the top three things that I see when it comes to space. And and and it could be a reflection of anything in a relationship, but that's why I produce so many that videos because I just want people to be able to use these videos as self-coaching to see which one identifies to their relationship so they can get that free advice and then choose to see if they need further advice with me and get that tailored advice for their relationship.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Love it.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

Can I answer your question first face?

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Yeah, I'd say so. My goodness, is there anything you can't answer? So um wow, this is fantastic. Um, I'm just stoked that you're my friend. Thanks for watching. So, so um, and we went over these questions, but you know how these things go. Like you gotta go over the conversation, you know, goes. So um the the next thing that popped into my mind because of a post I saw recently, high profile influencer celebrities uh cheated on this girlfriend, and she put them on blast indirectly. Yeah, la last week and um has has experienced massive growth since then. But that's not what I'm that's not that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk more on the on the infidelity side uh of things and why why do people cheat? And and what is this, you know, why you know, because I actually I've I've seen it, I'm exposed to it a lot in life, and I think we all are, and we're always like, huh, what? Uh just heard another story of another divorce, you know, that I was I like I literally had to sit down. I'm like, shut up. I was floored, right? So why do people cheat?

SPEAKER_03 37:12

Well, first of all, like being a public figure comes with so many different like I just want to say something and like that is like we only hear one side of a story sometimes, or we don't know the true story. It doesn't give a reason for anybody to cheat. Don't get me wrong, okay? It doesn't give me a reason, it doesn't give that reason, right? But you never know what that other side, what has happened. And we and I say this openly because as a public figure now myself, what happens is we start to idolize these people. And when something goes wrong in their life, we're like, oh my god, if it went wrong in their life, this is never going to be for me. I'm never gonna find a partner. If this isn't for them, if they're cheating, this means all women are cheaters. This means all men are cheaters, right? Because we I we attach to a specific outcome, but we don't know. I mean, the specific specific person and we idolize them, but we don't really know what goes behind the closed doors. So that is really, really important for me just to address because me, myself, both of these people, I follow them and I love what they're do. I choose to unfollow them because I didn't want those thoughts coming into my head, right? Yeah, same thing. So, and and and that's the reason. Um will I follow them again eventually? Hell yeah, I will, because they're great people, but I didn't want these things to affect what they bring to my life, right? Because we don't know, we aren't them, we don't know what happened. The same thing goes for infidelity, doesn't give an excuse for infidelity. But I'm gonna be honest, I've seen women tell men saying, I'll take your children away if you think that you're gonna divorce me. But this man fell in love with another woman that he really, really wants to be with and wants to give a settlement to his wife and say, Can we just do the split custody thing and I can just be with someone that I love? And the wife sits here and says no, and then he cheats, and then she plans and takes everything away from him. So you I've seen these situations, so you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And infidelity is of course a forsaken thing in our world, but also to you, we can't let this distract us from what we want in our lives and what true love really is and does exist out there. And this comes from a healthy mindset, comes from understanding the person that's in front of you, open communication, always being honest, always being good and compassionate with your partner, um, and and understanding that sometimes they need to just find themselves again, whatever it is. And infidelity is such a broad topic. And I do think that um what was let me let me just reframe because I don't want to get carried away on infidelity. What was your specific question on infidelity?

SPEAKER_01 39:57

That was really, I mean, that was really why why why do you just your opinion on why do you feel people cheat? Not men, not women, just both the all the above.

SPEAKER_03 40:05

I mean, there's so many, and I think it's because they're lonely. I think it's because they're seeking out term outside validation as well. I also think that successful people sometimes cheat because they feel like they are unstoppable and they can do whatever they want and they have no self-respect for the person that they're with or for themselves. And also, too, let's not deny that some people turn the blind eye, they know what's happening, but they turn, they are willing to turn the blind eye because they don't want to see the truth.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

That blows my mind. That just yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

And so because we live in a world too, it blows your mind, but also think about this we live in a world that tells us if you're single and you're alone, something's wrong with you.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 40:49

You don't want to be that person, which is completely untrue. But that's how we look at it, right? Oh, you're single, what's wrong with you? Exactly. You're 32? You're 32 and you don't have kids yet? Yeah, like what's wrong with you? You're a beautiful girl. Why don't you have kids yet? Like, would you have your own business? You're successful, you know, you're a self-made millionaire and you don't have kids and you don't have a wife. Why?

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Right. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:14

I think we jump into relationships that we don't want just to maintain the status quo. Maintain the status quo, and then we end up cheating. You know what I mean? So we're getting in relationships for the wrong reasons, which causes invalidity a lot.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

Got it. I just have never been, I've never, I don't know, it's just not in my heart or or or I'm just not built that way. So I don't understand it, but I I do know that it is a, and again, to pick on the guys for a second here, I do know that it is a pretty consistent trend with some guys. Some guys are just a-okay with it and convinced that it's just all right. Um, and I'll, you know, I'll I'll I'll die saying no it's not, but um I was just curious on what you know what your opinion was on on why it takes place. So uh so are women though. I gotta say that. So are women. No, I didn't want to say that because I was I posted a meme this morning and I was apprehensive because I'm like, I'm gonna catch some backlash for her, but I figured it uh I sent it to my daughter and she thought it was hysterical. Um I don't know if you saw it or not, but it's worth repeating. It says, um, and it was like NBC Cleveland. A study shows women need more sleep than men because they use their brains more. And the first reply to the comment was some guy going, all that overthinking and jumping to conclusions.

SPEAKER_04 42:25

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

But I was apprehensive. Like I reached out to my attorney, I'm like, is this okay? That's hilarious. My attorney and my daughter, and they both replied, that's hysterical post, and so I did. But um, I picked on the guys because again, I don't know how women roll as far as the you know the cheating is is concerned on there. But anyway, either way, if you're listening to this and you're considering infidelity, don't do it, dude, or duet. All right, let's um let's let's keep it rolling here because this conversation's uh fantastic. Um let's let's bring things down a second and talk about heartbreak. Uh well, go right from infidelity to heartbreak. Well, I'm glad I tuned into this episode. Um hey, I got Debbie Downer and Timmy Raincloud. We'll see you next week. Um let's talk about heartbreak for a minute because I got my heart shattered into pieces um um about two about about two and a half years ago. Um and I can chat about it candidly now, but it wasn't so candid then. It was a it was a real deal wake-up call to some uh to some internal um things that I need to get cleaned up and squared away and with you know with ego and personality and who I was and how I was showing up. So I know that I probably was the source for that that that that uh that heartbreak, but heartbreak happens to us um in in life and it's unavoidable. I watched my teenager go through it um uh uh about two years ago, and that was probably more painful than than um than mine, uh, because you feel your kid's pain and to see her just down and I mean it was a first love too. So to see that and feel that. But heartbreak, like you and I chatted before we we started the the the episode, you know, you can't sleep it away, drink it away, travel it away. Read it away. It just it there's no shaking it uh unless you're dead inside and you just block it out, and then you're just asking for even more problems. So um what how do you coach people um on on or what advice do you give people on?

SPEAKER_03 44:15

I actually love, I believe it or not, I love coaching people when they're going through heartbreak because this is the this is where they can scale in life, to be honest. You know, this is where they're the most completely vulnerable and they're open and they're looking for a lot of times they're looking for a quick fix. Apollonia, what do I do to what what do I do to just not feel this way anymore? There's there's not a special pill that you can take, there's nothing that you can do. Again, alluding back to what I said before, we live in a world of just wanting the quick validation or quick answers, quick discipline, or quick, you know, to resolve a situation really quickly because we're used to it now. But when it comes to love, we can't do this. And um heartbreak, I think, is one of the numbers it is actually one up there for the number I don't think it's number one, I think it's drugs. I can't remember. I was looking at it the other month, it's not coming to my head. It was last month I was looking at it, but it it leads to a lot of suicide and it leads to a lot of suicide in men. And this is why I love coaching heartbreak in in this realm of heartbreak. And I think a lot of coaches, good coaches that are doing this from their heart, need to start going out there. So if you are someone that has either suffered from anxiety or suicidal thoughts and then thinking, and you have recovered from this and you're thinking of what do I need to do for my future? I'm looking for I want to be a coach, I want to do something I'm passionate about. The first thing I always ask people is always turn your pain into something pleasurable. And if you've ever been there, there's so many men out there that need help because statistics are showing that men do this more than women, and it's the leading cause, one of the leading causes is because of love and heartbreak. Okay. And I and I say this now because it's so valuable. Because if there's anybody that is listening to your podcast and is thinking, I've been here before, you can help someone just because of where you've been before. And we're being relatable. And um relationships like this do put this in, this leads me to this is relationships do cause heartbreak, right? But it's so important when you are going through heartbreak to invest in someone or people around you, family, friends that bring you up or that can help guide you to your next step. Okay. Because heartbreak is something we have to go through. Heartbreak is something we have to feel. And I see it all the time in my relationships. One of them, I mean, in my in my quotes in my Instagram, uh, is what I put a quote the other day: one of the most valuable things you can do for your future partner is clear your heart for the one who does not want you and open it up for the one that does. And this is sometimes what we're relationships do. Okay. And we have to sometimes, and even if even if it's the hardest thing, because I know I've been there, the hardest thing to see when you are in heartbreak and you are depressed and you are sitting in your room crying and can't get out of bed, don't want to eat, you have to think about this is a lesson because I know even though you can't see it right now, there's someone out there that you had to go through this in order to get strong enough to handle that person that is meant for you. And the biggest and the biggest thing too is you have to get out, like you have to push yourself to get out of your house. I remember before I met my partner, I went through a heartbreak that I've never experienced before in my life. And I was crying for two days, like hysterically, I couldn't stop.

SPEAKER_01 47:43

Only two days, huh?

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Well, well, this is why. And the second day, like, I can't cry anymore. Crying, and I'm running to the gym, I walk, I'm driving to the gym because I'm like, I gotta get this emotion out. Like, I'm I know I'm teaching this and I gotta get this out. And this was years ago when I was doing speeches and interviews. I want to do this and I gotta get this out. I gotta challenge myself. And I just put on my gym clothes. I cried in my car on the way to the gym. I get on the treadmill, I ran, I did not stop, and I even took a photo of this. I ran five miles within like 40 minutes. And after I did that, I got and all the healthy, this is a healthy way of getting this emotion out. I got all of that energy out on the treadmill, and I put on my headphones and I listened to some badass Beyonce to lift me up, and I felt like a million freaking bucks. And I was like, who the hell does he think he is to treat me this way?

SPEAKER_01 48:43

I love it. That's what I should have done. I should have gone to the gym. I didn't do that back then.

SPEAKER_03 48:49

I and I always suggest for my clients, like for men that are watching, and I'll talk some suggestions for women. So if they're going through heartbreak or whatever it is, is one of my suggestions for men is uh in women is to do kickboxing or boxing, one-on-one training with a boxing uh uh with a trainer because this gets a lot of emotion out. Um, if you can run, just run on that treadmill as much as you can, put all of that emotion out on that treadmill or whatever you're doing in the gym. Also, too, don't sit there and watch love stories on Netflix, don't watch the notebooks, yeah, the notebook. Like, do some stuff if you are not in a sunny environment, go skiing, do something involving in nature. Um, involve yourself around people, start listening to motivational videos on YouTube, start seeking a coach that can help and to guide you. Start being around people that you love. Start, don't be around people that are going to question your relationship anymore. Just tell them and set the platform of saying, don't talk about my relationship anymore. Please don't ask me any more questions. I just need time to heal. And being around and surround the people uh that being surrounded around the people you love.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

Yeah, but hold on a second though. Hold on a second here. Let's back up because that's all warm and fuzzy and cute and adorable. But that is the last thing that you want to do when you're heartbroken, right? So I can't even much. I don't even talk to the mailman, let alone call a friend. And I felt that, you know, I, you know, I felt trapped in this story, which I was for a long time. And I think I had a friend finally drop me on my head and go, Stop it. We're done with this conversation. Excuse me, let me back up. It was not a friend. I was kind of, it was my sister who's my who's also my roommate. And uh, you know, I'd be down here just like stuck in my thumb first thing in the morning. I don't know what I'm gonna do. And uh she looked at me one morning before she went to work. I'm like, why can't you? I'm like, I I mean we have a good communication, like relationship. Like you're my sister. I can't talk to you about this. You can't give me feedback. And she said, This conversation is over until you change the conversation. And I love you, but I love you enough to stop the conversation here because you're just feeding it and you're fueling it. And I just I cannot see you in this uh I can't see you in this in this space right now. It's just not who you are. And I can't change it. You're gonna have to make the decision, but you and I are done with this conversation. And she walked out. And I thought, screw you and the horse you rode in on. I'm calling mom, you know? And um, she didn't. She threw that she threw the hammer down, but I had a lot of enablers that did it. And what happened was I kept telling the story over and over and over and over and over again. And all that does is keep it fresh and real and raw and new in your life and where you're at. And when I stopped telling that story, um, you know, the the the sky the sky is clear, the sun came out, and um I started to breathe a little bit more. But I also had, you know, an awakening where you know you get fed up where you wake up, you know, you did it two days in, I did it about a month and a half in. Well, we had to get we got back together for a couple of weeks. So I had to probably that added another, I had to restart the heartbreak as if it wasn't enough. But um getting, you know, before that awakening, it was tough. You know, I was like I told you, I was in bed for a month, like just like, what in the world happened? And I just you know, feeling sorry for myself, calling a friend or going to church or, you know, uh, you know, praying. And like at that point in time, I thought God forgot about me. There was no praying. Um, and I just I couldn't understand it. All I wanted to do, I had one thing on my mind, and that was talking to her. And that was not an available option. So that's where the crazy began. But I went off on a little bit of a tangent there. But so I guess the point here is that you're you're encouraging all these positive things to take place. It's extremely difficult to do that. That's where you actually have to dig real deep and realize that this is a must, this isn't a should. This is for my best interest. If I want to turn the corner, if I want the pain to stop, if I want this to cease, if I want the lesson to show up, I must take action by calling friends who care, people that build me up, doing activities, going to the gym. Am I am I following you correct on that?

SPEAKER_03 52:47

Yeah, because you are your own competition. At the end of the day, you are your own competition. I just posted that. I was crying, I was crying on the way to the gym. Do you think I wanted to go? How freaking no, I didn't want to go. But I forced myself. And that's what I mean by like, you are your own competition. You didn't, you forced yourself to go to church, you forced yourself to have time with your friends and things like that. But also too, you gotta force yourself to have kind of conversations with your friends and be like, make sure that I stop talking about this girl. Like, I gotta get over this girl. You know, you can only do this yourself, right? So, you know, we like I said, we look for other things to supply us, but we've got to be and understand that we are strong. And when we go through heartbreak, we become somebody so much more than who we were before because it teaches us so much valuable lessons.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

Yo, one 100%. I feel, you know, very resilient and uh and bulletproof and funny. In fact, I knew that I had healed when she had reached out about six months later. I'll never forget, it was during that hurricane where um everything was crazy. Uh, not the last one, but the one before that. And she had reached out and was like, hey, just one to say, just one to say, I hope all is well, and I hope you and your family are well. And I'm like, stand behind me, Satan. Uh no, I was like, thanks so much. I hope you're outside. No, I'm kidding. Um, I we started that whole like diet, which happens a lot, I'm sure. You know, you break up, you don't talk for a lot, the the there's an undeniable space happens because you broke up. Um, and then you know, the other person reaches out and it turned into a full-blown day conversation. How are you? How's everything? We should catch up. I'm like, I wake up in the morning, I check my text messages, and I go, absolutely not. We are just, we're just we are just not doing this. And I I I sent her a text immediately and said, Hey, it was so great to hear from you yesterday. And thank you so much for taking the time uh to reach out. Um, but after further, you know, consideration and kind of sleeping on it, I just feel that I've done so much work to heal that I don't want to undo any of that at all. But I certainly wish you the best of luck. And again, thanks for reaching out. And she replied, I totally understand. Best of luck to you. I knew I had turned the corner then. I don't know. Those sound like pretty, I mean, I felt healthy saying it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. And you know, you just mentioned, I'm sorry, I don't want to cut you off, but he just might mention something before their viewers, I mean our listeners, can connect the dots. I want them to connect the dots with what you just said. One piece about manifestation and love, what a lot of people don't talk about, which I talked about in the beginning of what this podcast is that I mentioned in this blog that what a lot of people don't talk about when it comes to manifesting love. What just you did right there. If you are in that manifestation process, right, you are always going to get challenges, right? The universe is going to present you challenges. And it's the way that you respond to these challenges what gets you closer to manifesting love. It's not that, oh, I'm gonna manifest and I'm not gonna attract anything that's bad for me. I'm not gonna attract partners that are toxic. No, you're going, you might attract a partner that's toxic, but it's about getting clear and saying, she's hot, he's hot, whatever, but oh, I know this is bad for me. I can feel it. I'm just not gonna move forward with it because I gotta stay my ground and I got in, I know what I want. And when you start doing that, this is when the universe starts working for you when it comes to manifestation.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

Got it. I love it. I love it. Well, I I just realized that I was not who I really am. I wasn't my true authentic self in relationships prior to. And that's why I could never go and talk to women in public. I was terrible at talking to women in public. Can you believe that? Me of all people. I've no and I still um and I still I still am apprehensive, but I've thrown myself into it. I mean, I just throw myself right into it. I mean, I'm in, I'm at Publix and and uh her shopping cart looks single. Uh, I'm telling her, hey, listen, if you're eating that kind of bacon, I'm not coming over for breakfast. I mean, I just throw myself right out there. Um, and in Miami, you get your, you get, you know, you get your you get your your your hand and and head slammed in the door more times than none. And and most women think you're just absolutely batshit crazy. Um, but I throw myself into it and I start conversations. And with my train, my my line of work, um, speaking and being on stage and in the public eye a lot, it's a little bit easier to talk to women because they come talk to you. Um, which leads me into our last topic question, uh, because we're almost out of time, um, um, that I want to talk about, which is business and and dating, how to decipher the two on here. But um I I guess I was trying to figure out how to frame that um uh the actual actual question. And then we talked a little bit about it beforehand. But um as I become more familiar with speaking to women in public, um I have a very tough, oh, this leads a perfect intro into this last question. Um I have a very challenging time deciding, and I'm using myself as an example because it's a good example based on um uh based on um well the final question we're talking about here. And that is um I'm at a networking event, or I connected with an individual on Facebook of the opposite sex, male, female, well, it doesn't matter. Um does that is the conversation's going really, really well. Um is this a business-driven conversation, or does this person like me? So where do you decipher those two things? Because of course, I never want to assume one or the other. I always assume, actually, I do assume one thing, and that is I'm connected with this individual. We're speaking about specific business business things, but also life things too, but I'm still connected with this person because we're probably gonna have a business conversation. How does one really navigate through that? Because I get asked a lot too, because women want to be taken seriously at networking events, they don't want to be hit on. This is not a club, this is a this is a professional environment. So let's let's wrap things up by by by shedding some light on that area.

SPEAKER_03 58:38

Yeah, so first of all, networking events, you're not gonna hit on the woman. Um, you're going to really just kind of have a conversation with her and just really go for what you came for, right? Networking. Um, and then like if you guys exchange conversations, then in social media or emails or through text message, um, then great. Then talk, of course, you're gonna engage in what it is that the both of you were talking about at the networking event, probably business. And you're gonna start to continue to engage in business things, business activities, um, and maybe see each other face to face. And there's two things that you can do here. But before you do these two things, you definitely want to investigate. You want to investigate if she's married, like you want to see if there's a wedding ring, you want to investigate if she's has a boyfriend on her Instagram or talks about it or whatever that is, because then you'll know early on, you know, okay, she's just here for business, she's married, you know, this is this is just that. But also too, um, start this is where you know a lot of men are like, oh yeah, I don't want to get friend zone, I don't want to be a friend. But this is the type of environment is where you can use the friendship card, right? So things start to change when a woman starts to ask you personal questions, or if you start to ask her personal questions and she starts to answer and then ask you more personal questions, you start to notice that her text messages are like more of, hey, how's your day going? How are you today? It's more of a personal thing. And this is where you also see that there might be a little bit more interest. And then in the process of you talking about business and stuff like that, you can start being her friend and really finding out a little bit about her, being her friend in the process. And this is not something that's quick results, especially if you're trying to maneuver business and see if this is something you want to progress and you like this girl and you want to see if she likes you. She's going to show you that she likes you eventually by being a little bit more physical with you, like flirting with you here and there, going out to maybe going with you to networking events, asking you out to lunch, or asking you, hey, what do you want to grab a bite to eat? Or her being open to grabbing bites to eat with you if you ask vice versa. And I think that that is the key. And over time, you're going to know. And you'll know by that. You'll know by her asking you a little bit more personal questions with you, sharing more of her life with you. Um, and then also too, like uh developing this friendship is where you can also win a little bit more. So not only are you winning because maybe if you develop a friendship, you can guys can do more business ventures together, but also you guys are spending more time together in this friendship that you can really see and showcase yourself as an individual and say, listen, this is I'm a catch. Like, look at who I am. I'm this guy here, and I'm a catch, and you're single, and she can start seeing you in this different life because light because you've already formed more of a friendship. And then because you formed a friendship, you get more comfortable with the person, and then it starts to elude into something different if the both of you have a mutual um liking for each other.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:37

So it's a it's a long play.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:39

Yep. No quick play. Definitely not. And I I actually made a video on my YouTube channel about dating in the workplace, and I talk about this too in dating in the workplace because this is something you have to be so careful about, especially in the workplace. But let's be honest, a lot of people find love in the workplace.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

Yeah, we spend more time there than we do at home. Exactly. So we're out of time. This has been just an awesome conversation. You got to come back again because you have just a plethora of things to discuss and talk about that I know that a lot of single people out there or people that may be in shitty relationships want to hear uh about. Um two last things. Um, number one, does an ignoring women work? Um, and then I have one last question that's completely off topic. Um, so does ignore when does ignoring women work?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:24

Okay. This we gotta do the next past podcast has to be specifically just about how men can master their attraction skills because this is my this is my niche 100%. But okay, it does work. All the women are gonna kill me and say no, it doesn't. But listen, women, we gotta be honest. We've gotta be honest. It sometimes does. But here's the thing there's this comes with a price tag. Not no, I don't mean money. This is what I mean by this is a mature woman that is looking for a relationship and looking for something sustainable that is reciprocating with the mature man will not fall for this game. If you ignore her, she's gonna be like, Who are you? This is another guy that's playing immature games. I'm not in for it, right? If she is the key here, she is reciprocating, she's open about her feelings, she likes you, she wants more, she's spending time with you, she's getting to know you. She canceled the date, but then she said, Listen, I'm so sorry to cancel the date, but how about next week? Can we do it? I really wanted to see you. She's being open. That woman is not going to enjoy this, okay? And I'm gonna be honest with you. A lot of women are different in their walks of life, but when it comes to age, typically in their 20s, they're looking to have fun, they're just figuring themselves out. They like a man that's not too available, you know, things like that. If you have a woman that is not too sure about you, and you came off probably a little bit overly eager in the beginning, taking a couple steps back and letting her come to you, letting her burn her curiosity levels about you will increase attraction for the shirt short term. But also you have to get to know this woman. So I do think, like, as far as it's this is a big broad question, but as far as relationships too go, if you ask for a break or if you ask for space, giving her that break and giving her that space that she's asked for will help you and will help the relationship and does increase attraction. So, quote unquote ignoring a woman does work, but it does not work on some cases and some women. And I hope I can clarify that really quickly with that short answer.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:28

It's always an ongoing conversation because every girl says, absolutely now, I don't play those games. Uh, which I is it's true to a certain extent. I I had um, I did casually now, just kind of, you know, just kind of getting getting back in the getting back in the race a little bit. And uh, you know, initial conversations, coffee, nothing crazy. Coffee or church, that's really what I ask, or sunrise is that's really what I say. Like, hey, let's get together. Cool. What are you doing on Sunday morning about 6:50 a.m.? We'll catch the sunrise, drink a coffee, and get to know each other. I mean, they are mind-boggled when I say that, like, really? I'm like, yeah, like good, clean, fun. Anyway, um, uh uh, but yeah, I think the whole fact of being able that that that happened to me. I actually uh was I had talking with someone for a couple of weeks, and uh I probably should have known she was in the middle of a divorce and lived in Cutler Bay if that wasn't reason enough. Um but um but but um she had I had said something that she didn't like um or that was a it was a it was a joke that I thought was funny that she didn't. It wasn't inappropriate by any means at all, just lack of communication via or communication breakdown via text. Anyway, um instead of communicating and saying, hey dude, you know, you know, I I really didn't appreciate that, or that wasn't cool, or whatever it was, you know. Um, and I remember specifically what it was. It was she sent me a picture of a turkey sandwich, it was right after Thanksgiving. And we could the text breakdown was like, that's your nickname, that's your nickname. And she's like, Are you calling me a turkey? I'm like, Are you a turkey? Like it turned into that like deal. And I'm like, whoa, that totally blew up in my face. Well, anyway, she was not like a fan of how it all went down anyhow, and just like kind of ghosted, not ghosted, but yeah, for the for the most part. And we had been talking like All day, every day, play by play, gone on like two or three dates. Like the conversation was consistent. And then all of a sudden, poof, like nothing at all. Uh on Saturday morning. Or excuse me, this was Saturday evening. And then by Sunday morning at like 10:30, I didn't hear her. And I was like, you know what? Fuck this. And I sent her a text message and I said, Listen, I don't even know you, but I haven't even, but I our conversation got disrupted somewhere between last night and today. Um, and you know, the very fact that we're mere strangers, you know, maybe we shouldn't continue the conversation. And I had literally could not even type Facebook on my phone to search for it, and she had deleted, blocked, and removed me across the board. So welcome to dating in 2019, ladies and gentlemen. Um, but my my my point is I was I felt I was being ignored, right? And I had zero tolerance from it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:41

And I think that you Yeah, but on her side, she's thinking, wow, if I affected him this much, I'm blocking him.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:47

So and that's a whole nother different conversation. And there's a lot of like things that you can benefit from, I think, from just hearing it from a woman. But that's her how her mind is thinking. It's like, okay, she I didn't, he didn't I didn't text him. He's not my boyfriend. I haven't even really met him and got engaged in a lot of dates with him. And then three days later he's overreacting because of the fact that I don't, I haven't reached out to him. Like, imagine him in a relationship. He's crazy. I'm gonna block him. This is not saying that you are, but this is what she's thinking, and this is what I offer men. You know, this is I give them the inside deal of what women uh what how women are, how women think, and things like that. So and this is the thing like relationships are just like friendships. Not every one of them are supposed to work out.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:28

Well, I did I did tell her to lose my numbers. That's probably why I got blocked.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:32

And that too, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:35

So at filter, Sebastian, filter. Okay, all right, cool. So last question, completely off topic of love, dating, and relationships, etc. Uh, hypothetically, you and I are booked to speak on this ginormous stage. Um, you're doing a keynote, I'm doing a keynote, or maybe I'm the MC for the event, whatever it may be. And we're in beautiful San Diego, and we've got some friends that are attending the event. So we all go out for dinner and then we come back to the hotel bar, we have a few drinks, and everyone's having a good time. And then I realize across the bar, I mean, across across the hotel in another bar is actually a karaoke bar. And I go, Apple, let's go, woman. It's our time. What song do we sing on karaoke?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:11

Oh my god, this is gonna show who I am for real.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:16

Okay, so I always bring it back old school. I am like such a 90s old school girl. I would probably want okay, sorry, Sebastian, because it's an a woman song. It's gonna be like, I don't know if you know the song, but it's uh by escape. Do you know that band Escape?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:36

Yeah, more than words, right? Yeah. With the pink, with the pink, with the with the black nail polish?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:42

Yeah, yep, yep, that one, or I'd probably throw back some Aaliyah and sing back and forth with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:49

All right, good deal. I was thinking more uh Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Rivers in the Stream. No.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:56

No, no, I would definitely buff out some bust. If they had a display of the rap music, we'd be wrapping a bust of rhymes as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:02

All right, I'm holding you to that. That is that is totally a realistic possibility for us to be in the same city speaking at the same event, and there's karaoke nearby.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:12

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:13

And I love karaoke, so I will do it. Done deal. Well, Apelina, this has been a fantastic conversation. Um uh all of my interviews that I do, I feel are fantastic, but some of them um really hit home and resonate because we're human beings, right? And love and dating and relationships are all things that we seek and desire. Some of us are good at it, some of us aren't, but we only have a lifetime to to figure this whole thing out, right? Um, but I just wanted to to to to publicly uh commend you on your your success that you've had uh and and just under a year with your YouTube channel is just amazing. That if you just go in and you do the work, you get the results. But more importantly, you are doing uh real work. You're doing shit that matters, you're doing things that forever alter the path of a human being's love life, dating, relationships. You're probably saving marriages and relationships and heartaches and suicide. My gosh, that's a huge. I just lost my personal trainer six months ago to that. Nobody really knows if it was because of a girl, but he moved to North Carolina for a girl, um, you know, like overnight. And the next thing you know, he posted on Instagram, I'm out of here, guys. Um, so that's a huge issue. So I just wanted to commend you on the work that you're doing. You are literally doing things that matter and that impact. So I want to congratulate you on that. It's my privilege and pleasure to be associated with you and to and to call you a friend. And uh, I believe that your best days are right in front of you. If you've done this in less than a year, my goodness, I hate to see what the five-year plan looks like.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:44

Thank you so much, Sebastian. I'm so happy to have you as a friend as well. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:48

It's my my pleasure. Listeners, all of the information that we've talked about is available in the show notes. You can go to her website as well, too, Apollinaponty.com. That's a long one. Yes, I'll spell it out real quick, but again, it's in the show notes. It's A-P-O-L-L-O-N-I-A Ponty, P-O-N-T-I.com. Her blog, you can hire her for coaching sessions. You can buy her courses. I recommend D, all of the above, because this woman is not slowing down. She knows her stuff. She realized at an early, early age that she had a gift, a God-given internal gift that she was going to develop and get out and change and impact the world. And she's doing just that. Apple, it's always a pleasure to chat with you and see you. I want you to come back soon again, will you? I will, definitely. Thanks for having me. It's been my pleasure. I'll talk to you soon. Well, friends, just like that, another episode of the Seb Rush Show is a wrap. I really hope you enjoyed listening to it as much as I enjoyed recording it. Apollonia is an absolute rock star. Make sure you check out the show notes, make sure you're connected with her, following her men. If you're looking to figure out this whole dating game and you're not you haven't figured it out thus yet, i.e., you're single, you need to hit Apollinia up. She can get you all situated and right back on the right track to meet the woman of your dreams. Of course, if that's exactly what you want. I'm Sebastian Rusk signing off from our studio here in beautiful Miami, Florida. We'll talk to you next time.